History repeats itself.

It's Monday. The start of a new week. Anything you wanted to different from last week? If you don't like the way things went, then now would be a good time to do things differently.

The apple for the day is: talk to your spouse about expectations for the week. Plan out your week together. Don't forget to plan a date and time to talk -ask them if you can help them in anyway.

This was suggested in THIS article in THIS post. I hung up this list and it has been a nice reference!

Embrace this day!

I was at our Bishop's house this week for a Relief Society meeting and I this on their wall. It is from THIS talk by F. ENZIO BUSCHE. He wrote this for him and his family and shared it in a devotional at BYU.

* Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks. The covenant with God to which you are true enables you to become enlightened by him, and nothing is impossible for you.

* When you are physically sick, tired, or in despair, steer your thoughts away from yourself and direct them, in gratitude and love, toward God.

* In your life there have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take.

* First and foremost, you are a spirit child of God. If you neglect to feed your spirit, you will reap unhappiness. Don't permit anything to detract you from this awareness.

* You cannot communicate with God unless you have first sacrificed your self-oriented natural man and have brought yourself into the lower levels of meekness, to become acceptable for the Light of Christ.

* Put all frustrations, hurt feelings, and grumblings into the perspective of your eternal hope. Light will flow into your soul.

* Pause to ponder the suffering Christ felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. In the awareness of the depth of gratitude for him, you appreciate every opportunity to show your love for him by diligently serving in his Church.

* God knows that you are not perfect. As you suffer about your imperfections, he will give you comfort and suggestions of where to improve.

* God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you. Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes to us--everything will fall into its place.

* Avoid any fear like your worst enemy, but magnify your fear about the consequences of sin.

* When you cannot love someone, look into that person's eyes long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him.

* Never judge anyone. When you accept this, you will be freed. In the case of your own children or subordinates, where you have the responsibility to judge, help them to become their own judges.

* If someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgive and you will be free again.

* Avoid at all cost any pessimistic, negative, or criticizing thoughts. If you cannot cut them out, they will do you harm. On the road toward salvation, let questions arise but never doubts. If something is wrong, God will give you clarity but never doubts.

* Avoid rush and haste and uncontrolled words. Divine light develops in places of peace and quiet. Be aware of that as you enter places of worship.

* Be not so much concerned about what you do, but do what you do with all your heart, might, and strength. In thoroughness is satisfaction.

* You want to be good and to do good. That is commendable. But the greatest achievement that can be reached in our lives is to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost. Then he will teach us what is really good and necessary to do.

* The pain of sacrifice lasts only one moment. It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it.

* Be grateful for every opportunity to serve. It helps you more than those you serve.

* And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that, as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better.

just play!

My wise older sister once told me "if my kids are driving me crazy then I know it's time to sit down on the floor and play with them".

That can apply to marriage! Sometimes we take things too seriously and we need to just play!

Have a fun weekend!

now is the time for!

date! plan one and go on one!

Have you tried taking turns planning the date?

Whose turn is it this month?

Want to start taking turns? Draw straws.

Three years ago this week we were in Ireland. Man. I would love to go back here for a date!

I had never tried fish and chips before we went to this place. yum.

note to self

When I am trying to start a new habit I make notes to myself. Zach has given me notebook after notebook for my to write things in! -mostly because he has tried to get me to use just one notebook instead of 5 at a time! *sigh*

Anyway, back to apples!

The apple for the day is: if you think of something fabulous to do for your spouse write it down! Don't forget about it! Or if you are wanting to do better at something in your relationship write it down! Gosh, that really helps! And if you can't think of anything to do for them that you can write down...write them a note then! Tell them they are the coolest!

p.s. I don't think I need a super legit reason to put a picture of Zach on here. After all it is a marriage blog and I am married to him. the end. :)

in the red?

Have you ever heard of the "love bank" philosophy/analogy?

Well, I have been thinking about this the today. Last night Zach and I were going to spend some time together after the kids were in bed-talking about our week and such and so forth. (He started taking a class to get some letters after his name and it is going to take a lot of time and be a little crazy.-like three nights a week for three hours, plus study and tests, plus young mens kind of crazy.) So this time was important to both of us.

We email my brothers who are both on missions on Sunday. Zach sends them a sports update and I just email whatever I want. :) Anyway, he finished and I was working on my post for today...and then I had to email and I doddled and he went to bed without us even having our nice Sunday evening time. All because my priorities were out of order.

Talk about a withdrawal! I came to bed feeling bad. I climbed into bed and what does he do? He wakes up enough to wrap his arms around me and hold me before falling back to sleep. While he slept I thought of how lucky I am to be married to such a patient and forgiving guy! And I also thought about how I could make it up to him. That is where the love bank thing comes in.

Some withdrawals are little and some are big. We are best off realizing them for what they are and making deposits to build our love accounts back up.

If you have been married for a while then you have probably experienced a time or two that you were both on each others nerves, easily irritated or even hot headed with each other. These are times when you both can realize that there is a huge need for a deposit, or two, or three. :)

The apple for the day? Figure out what those deposits are! What does your spouse need and love? What do you need and love? Start making deposits today!

Maybe your love bank levels are low or are maybe in the red. You might not even feel like you can talk to your spouse about this...now would be a good time to try and experiment. Make some serious deposits. See what they do.

Sometimes when things aren't going the way we might want, it is hard not to be selfish and say that "they" need to put forth some effort too. This is true- they do. Be the first though.

...the people perish!

Growing up one of my favorite things to do with my dad was building a snow slide. He would pile up the snow in the backyard and make an awesome slide for us to play on to our hearts content. I did. I. Loved. It.

I have had a good time doing the same with my kids. I do wish that I was as strong as my dad and making the slide wouldn't take me as long..:)

Anyway. To the point. I started building a slide one day while I was shoveling the drive way. I didn't look where the slide would have ended up, I was just piling up the snow...

Well, after piling for a bit, I looked up to see that this end of the slide was totally headed straight for that tree. You know what thought popped into my head?

"Where there is no vision, the people perish"! I honestly laughed out loud.

Lately I have tried to be better at creating a vision for my day and getting things done. Interesting though, the other day I had done some great things with the kids and it was only 9:30! I relaxed. Next thing I know it is noon and time to go get Ben. I accomplished just about jack! What happened? I hadn't decided what I was going to do with the rest of the morning so I sat down in front of the computer. Periodically I would get Josh and Sarah something else to do and went back to the computer. How embarrassing to admit this.

It is nice for me to be able to post about these things because I am able to process what is on my mind better.

I know that the devil is a master at distracting. Recognizing this is important because then we can figure out what distractions are affecting us and do better.

Back to the tree. Some things that we do daily literally lead us to a dead end and even will cause us harm. I think I do these "things" sometimes because that is what "everybody" else is doing.

Times are getting crazy people. We have to be able to think for ourselves and create our own visions. We hear this a lot from our church leaders. We need to take time to ponder-allow ourselves quiet time daily. During these quiet times we learn how the Spirit speaks to us. We can pray, we can ponder, we can ask for direction.

The apple for the day is: make time for yourself to think-without distractions. If there are things you feel are getting in the way of your progress, make steps to remove them or completely reposition yourself so they aren't a problem. Talk to your spouse about your goals. Things you need to do to make sure you get there and do it!

What we do...

MATTERS. I am a thinker. I like to think about things. I realize that if I think about things and map out what I am going to do-ya know create a vision for my time/days then that is great. But if I just think and not decide what I am going to do then the thought didn't do much good.

With that said, I watched THIS talk. It was another good reminder of the fact that what I choose to do does matter. (my computer is in my kitchen so I turn on talks and watch them while I clean at night...just in case you wanted to know. :))

"It is not enough to want to make the effort. It's in the doing, not just the thinking that we accomplish our goals" -President Thomas S. Monson

now THAT'S refreshing!

I know you already have your date for this weekend planned...

Okay, here are some ideas just in case-or to use next weekend or during the week if you are during the week daters...

HOCKEY GAME!!! The thought makes me happy. I love watching hockey!...and eating nachos.

Sledding. I have said this one before but hey, there is still snow on the ground! Come back and try and make the most gourmet looking hot chocolate you can.

Board games or puzzles. This might be old news to you but we just heard the idea so I will share. You know the game Sequence? When it is your turn to put down a chip, lay your card face down instead of face up...so it can't be seen. You play it like B.S.! Sounds fun huh? (sorry if you've never played that game before.. that probably didn't make any sense :))

Or, you could always go HERE and watch some clips of Brian Regan. :) (watch the coke clips) I love it when I laugh out loud! That's refreshing!

Have a great weekend!

sweet talk...

The apple of the day is: call, email, text anything sweet. "Thinking of you" type things.

One day Zach sent me a text and said "you look really nice today. I don't think I ever said that out loud." to give you an example...and also let you know that I do get ready sometimes. :)

I'm In A Hurry

The apple for the day is: when you talk to your spouse next, instead of getting right to business, take a second and show them appreciation. If it is first thing in the morning cuddle them or, if you're already up, hold them for a minute and tell them how much you appreciate them and how glad you are to be married to them.

Is life crazy?

Sometimes life is just nuts. Work, family and church responsibilities definitely add up and sometimes equal craziness. I was talking to a few friends the other day, one of them works, her husband is the young mens president and they have a little boy. She just said, "he's busy, I hardly ever see him". I have heard this a lot lately. We are busy people. So busy that sometimes our marriages get put on the back burner and other times off the stove!

After this conversation among others, I found something that hit a chord and I think leads us to our answer of how we deal with these times.

In his book, "Be Master of Yourself"Elder Robert L. Backman tells this story: (oh, side note, he married me and Zach, so we are partial. :))

"When William Buchanan moved to Anchorage, Alaska, he assumed duties as chief of the Civilian Engineering Division of the Alaska Defense Communications Agency. That was a fancy title for a nuts-and-bolts job of maintaining a fleet of B-52s across a tremendous, often icebound area with little more than baling wire and adhesive tape. In fact, the job was such a man-killer that after a few frustrating days and sleepless nights, Buchanan called in his deputy assistant, Ed Gallant, to get some priorities.

Gallant said, "May I suggest priority one? Let's go fishing."

"What?" exclaimed Buchanan, but that Saturday, they took to the lake, where Gallant led them to school after school of migrating salmon.

Buchanan was nagged by guilt not to be at his desk, but then came the lesson.

Ed Gallant sat down on a fallen log in a cove and pointed. "Look carefully," he said. "just beneath the surface of the water are several huge salmon." Then he pointed to a ripple out in the channel where thousands of salmon were migrating upstream. He said, "they're fresh from the sea, and strong. But tomorrow they'll reach the Russian River Falls. They'll make desperate leaps up the face of the falls. Some of them will be too spent to make it, and they'll be dashed back against the rocks below. And then finally they'll die from sheer exhaustion."

He looked back toward the salmon in the cove and commented, "These are different. Some instinct has brought them to this quiet place. It's as if they know the falls are just ahead. Tomorrow they'll continue their migration, rested for whatever comes." (Reader's Digest, December 1983, p. 51.)

I loved this. The story applies to our individual lives as well as to our marriages. We need to take the time to rest, be together and build our relationship so we will have the strength for the "falls". The "apples" for the next little bit will be more focussed on this.

What is refreshing to you as a couple? What do you love to do together?

The apple for the day is: talk about this. If nothing comes to mind that is totally refreshing, that is okay, brainstorm and find something that you think you might love and try it.

I totally thought of my brother in law when I was posting this story, he will probably say "sweet, this means we should go fishing more!" lol!

cute. :)

so the other night I had a girls night with some new friends. I came home kind of late. Zach was in bed when I got home. I tiptoed about the house and didn't turn on many lights. I just loved that Zach left me a note and he left it on the toilet because he knew I would see it. :) the end.

am I ready?

I just watched THIS wonderful video called "They that are wise". It was three minutes and totally matches my thoughts tonight.

In the parable of the 10 virgins those who were ready and waiting had oil in their lamps. This type of oil comes over time. Through obedience, faith and service. Doing the "little" things is what deposit this oil in my lamp.

When the time comes to get up and literally follow the Savior, I MUST have the oil. It does little good to know where to get it!

I am glad I could share this. :)

did you hear that?

Honestly, communication in marriage can be hilarious! It cracks me up a lot of the time when Zach says "you never told me that" and I know I wasn't just thinking it, but I actually said it out loud!

It is probably just me, that sort of thing never happens to you right? lol.

I wonder though if a lot of communication problems happen simply because we just aren't listening. "yeah, yeah, I hear you", but seriously are we listening to hear what our spouse is saying or are we listening to respond to what they are saying?

I know sometimes I think I know what Zach is explaining so I will think about something else while he is telling me "what I already know". I don't really hear him or try to understand why he feels what he has to say is important.

The apple for the day:

Try just listening. To what they are saying by their expression, body language and words. Try to understand.

Some things aren't that intense and they are just telling you they are going to stop and get gas before they get home. Other times you might find it refreshing to stop thinking about your response will be and just listen to them. Appreciate them. Show them you care by really listening.

ha ha

Ad's that actually made it to the newspaper:

"FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything."

"Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog."

"Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products.""

I had a laugh with these. Hope you enjoy them too! Happy Friday!

nothing to do?

If your life is anything like mine then you and your spouse find yourselves at home on a Friday night more often than not -with no babysitter coming and no set plans. :)

How do you make the most of those times?

I know often after we get the kids into bed we are both so tired from the week that we just want to cuddle up and watch a movie.

I will confess, I don't think this is making the most of our time together. While I enjoy being in his arms and watching a good flick, I don't think our relationship is strengthened as much as if we were creative with our time and enjoyed good conversation and laughter together.

No, movies aren't bad. We watched Inception last night and had a good time. I just don't think movie night should be the norm.

I guess that was kind of a random vent...of sorts.

Here is a date idea...

You probably already had dinner with the kids.

What about making a dessert together and setting out a nice tablecloth and candles? Create a different environment. I know some people would read that and think "cheesy". But seriously if you treat something special then it becomes so. Go comb your hair, put on your cute apron, make dessert, light the candles, enjoy dessert. If you'd like something to talk about-talk about childhood. What were your favorite T.V. shows and games to play? Who was your best friend? What vacations did your family enjoy taking? What are your favorite memories with your grandparents?

I guess if you don't want to make dessert then make some type of appetizer yummy. If you just don't want to eat, then play with play dough while you talk about childhood. :)

Enjoy your time together this weekend!

magic words...

This apple might sound simple...but sometimes it's not.

The apple for the day and everyday is : Say please and thank you.

It can be as simple as "pass the salt please" or "can you please move over?"

Please and thank you change a demand to a request.

There you go. Please say please and thank you for saying thank you. :)

so far, so good. :)

So, how are your new years resolutions coming?

I decided after the first full week of the year that I needed to be more specific with myself. I was trying to be vague as not to burden myself with a bazillion specific goals that I can't keep. -but I wasn't really doing anything I wanted to because I hadn't written it down and challenged myself to do it.

One of my goals was to be more grateful. The other one was I decided to write Zach a letter every week for the whole year.

I read this book called "The Wednesday Letters" a while back and the idea stuck with me. When this couple was married, the husband decided to write to his wife once a week while they were married. When they died these letters told their children stories they had never heard. Sweet book.

I enjoyed writing a letter to Zach and he enjoyed reading it.

Maybe committing to do something like that for a whole year is overwhelming to you. For the apple today I am going to recommend writing them a letter though. Just write to them like they were away, give them the gist on how things are going and give them encouragement if they need it. Leave it on the pillow, purse, bag or mail it.

Happy Anniversary

Would you believe that 1 year ago TODAY, I made my very first post on this blog?!

Your apple for the day is: give your spouse a big smooch and tell them they rock your world-just for me! :)

Happy Anniversary!

joy.

Joy and peace come when we are true to ourselves and to the promises that we've made. Life might not be easy but the Lord does not leave us alone. I feel like Elder Holland's talk from last April is a perfect summary of the many ways the Lord can help us.

THIS is a beautiful talk. I love listening to Elder Holland. I have watched/listened to it several times in the last few days. I hope you'll take the time to watch it.

mommy said...

"Hey daddy? Mommy thinks you're cute".

Have you ever sent compliments to your spouse via your children? You might even be able to do it over and over with them same or different children and send a few compliments their way. If you have older kids, try bribing them to take the message. Then it might just come as a shocker and probably a good laugh later! (I am laughing at the thought of those of you with teenagers! good times!)

Well, try that for an apple!

Funny on Friday!

"So, there was a husband a wife at their daughters volleyball game. They were sitting close to the top of the bleachers. The wife noticed that down a few rows there was a couple that just couldn't keep their hands off each other. The girl was rubbing the guys back, kissing his ear, playing in his hair and so on. After watching them for a minute she turned to her husband and said "I don't know whether to watch them or the game!" He looked to where she was pointing and then said "watch them! You already know how to play volleyball!"

I had to share! I hope I'll be able to share something funny more often. We really should enjoy marriage more! It really is fun! This story was told by Joy Lundberg on the CD Building Forever that I referenced last week.

First date of the year!

Are you one of those couples who thinks about your beginnings and giggles? If it is a fun idea to do something you did when you were dating, then do it!

Some of mine and Zach's first dates were:

* playing a basketball game, making homemade pizza and smoothies.

* dinner at Wingers'

* a Recycle Percussion concert

* studying at the library

* making art...for our gen ed. art class

If it isn't a fun idea to repeat some of your first dates. Then recreate. Do something you wish you had done.

* most guys wish they could have gone swimming...

* most girls would have loved to go dancing...

* most everybody loves a good dinner...

Have to stay home...

have dinner, dance and then have a shower...

dance, shower, have dinner...

Oh, you figure out the order! :)

These would be some sweet conversation starters...

*why did you ask me out?

*why did you say yes?

*why did you keep asking me out?

*why did you keep saying yes?

*why did you ask me to marry you?

*why did you say yes?

what is lacking?

What is that thing that is lacking in your marriage? What is it that you wish your spouse would do for you or that characteristic you wish your spouse had? These are questions worth answering.

What is your ideal? -more romance? more laughter? more spontaneity?

After you have answered these questions...the apple for the day is:

If you are pointing the finger at your spouse, wishing they would do something more or be something else- then do that and be that yourself! If you want more romance then be more romantic. If you want more laughter then find things that make you laugh and laugh more (share these things with your spouse and laugh together)...you get the idea right? I think you will be surprised that your spouse will notice a difference and follow suit.

Did I tell you?

Did I ever tell you that I love being married? Well, I do! Did I ever tell you that I have been super scared of divorce for like all of my married life? I will be honest with you here. For quite a long time I have been bothered with my fear of divorce. Yes, but not just divorce. Divorce because of adultery. Not Zach cheating on me but me cheating on Zach. I will also be honest here-I do not understand how people get into these situations. I have never been close to this situation but nevertheless, it has been a fear. (I have known people, good people who have fallen prey to this and it has greatly bothered me-see, the inspiration. :))

With that said. I read a lot. I have read a lot about "what you think about comes about" types of things. "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he". You know what I mean? Well, about three weeks ago I was at my parents house working on quilts for my kids for Christmas. Both my mom and dad were gone for a couple of hours and I was there working on the quilts alone. I was left to my thoughts-which I like...sometimes. :) I started thinking about this fear. It really bothered me that I thought about it out of nowhere! I started praying as I worked. "Heavenly Father, this is not my desire. Why do I keep thinking about it and how can I get rid of it?!" type of things.

Can I just tell you how grateful I am for a Heavenly Father who really hears our prayers...and ANSWERS THEM!?

With tears in my eyes as I prayed, the answer came to my mind. I have THIS talk by H. David Burton on my ipod and have loved listening to it. This is the part that came to my mind:

"I overheard a conversation between golfing great Arnold Palmer and a young caddie he was using for the first time. The young caddie, while handing Mr. Palmer his club, told him the distance to the flag was 165 yards, there was an unseen stream on the left, and a long and treacherous rough on the right. In a very kind but firm way, Mr. Palmer reminded the young man that the only information he required was the distance to the hole. He further suggested he didn’t want to lose focus by worrying about what was on the right or left.

It is easy to lose sight of the really important objectives of life. There is much to distract us. Some are floundering in the water hazards on the left, and others are finding the long, treacherous rough on the right insurmountable. Safety and success come when focus is maintained on the important opportunities found by driving the ball straight down the middle—... And that’s the way it is."

I realized for the first time that I was focusing on the wrong thing! I don't need to worry about what all the options are for sin because they aren't choices I am going to make! I don't need to worry about all the good people who get divorced and why. I choose to be married to Zach, faithfully, loyally and happily always and forever. And that's the way it is!

Like I said before, I have had this fear for a while. These fears still come to my mind. When they do, I focus on Zach. I think about him and what I am grateful for. I think about what I can do for him. It is amazing what focus can do for a girl. :)

I needed to share this, even if it was just for me.

How to make your marriage GREAT!

This article was mentioned in the January Ensign and I couldn't resist looking it up. It is called "Twenty Ways to Make a Good Marriage Great" You know, I was two when he wrote this!

The apple for the day is: follow the above link, print the page and tape it or frame it and put it up for you and your spouse to see! That's what I did. Oh, don't forget to read it!

Look Not behind Thee