the trend

So, that marriage seminar thing we went to a few weeks ago...

John Bytheway and Kim (his wife) talked about something that made a lot of sense to me.

Appreciate/Expect/Demand

This rang true with me. Most of the time I appreciate it when Zach takes out the garbage, but sometimes I expect it, or even demand it.

Zach is better than me in a lot of cases and this is one of them. I am traditional by my point of view and non-traditional to many in the role I have chosen to stay home with our children, clean house, fix dinners etc. Zach appreciates that I make dinner for him and is very good at saying thank you for what I do.

Today, the apple is to pay attention to the things you appreciate, expect and demand of your spouse. Make a special effort to appreciate the things they do. Have a great day!

See how wonderful he is? Gosh, I am lucky!

How do I look?

I had to laugh the other day when I looked in the mirror shortly before Zach came home.

Yes, I did get ready that day but I still had mascara under my eyes and food in my teeth. The thought I had was, why don't I look in the mirror everyday before Zach comes home?

I'm not kidding when I say that "I'm so glad when daddy comes home" is pretty much my theme song. I thought it quite comical that this was a bright idea, to freshen up before he came home! It probably should have been a habit years ago!

Therefore, that is the apple for the day: look in the mirror before you get home or before your spouse comes home! brush your hair and a bonus would be the teeth or at least pop in a mint or something!

Because lets be honest. Things don't always smell good and they aren't always pretty during the day!

don't get out much?

This is just my opinion. I think that what you do for your date isn't as important as having a date. Stated plainly, don't stress so much about what you are going to do. Just figure out how you are going to get out of your house with just the two of you!

Here are two suggestions:

Babysitter swap. If you have friends that live close by that have kids close to the same age as your kids, then take turns watching the kids. My older sister does this and it works well. Three couples each take a turn every three months. So, when it is my sisters month, the other two couples bring their kids over to her house and they talk off and do their date for a couple hours. My sister just orders pizza and the kids have a party. The kids love it, the parents get out once a month, so everybody wins!

If you have no other way to sneak an overnighter in every now and again, you could enlist these same friends for help. An overnighter could be at your own house. Yes, it is totally different being at your house without the kids there! Amazing the difference. :)

Maybe do the babysitter swap for a while, let the kids get used to the friends houses. After some time, and you all feel comfortable, just go over there at bedtime, put your kids to bed and then go home without any kids! Come back in the morning and pick them up! Obviously, this will only work if your kids sleep through the night. We do want to keep our friends. :)

These dates are definitely deposits in the love bank! Make a date out, AT LEAST once a month, a priority!

"A Walk to Remember"

Have you seen this movie? This is one of those I watch every now and again when I am folding laundry.

I watched it the other night. They got married. Sorry if I just ruined it. :) Then she dies. Oh man! Sorry. It is still worth watching!

He says something like "we shared more love in that one summer than most people do in a lifetime."

This got me thinking. Why was it so wonderful? Well if you've seen the movie it is totally teenage love, but kind of mature in a teenage sort of way.

What I like about it is they are all about the other person. She has her list of dreams and he helps her fulfill them-even before he knows she has cancer.

She encourages him to think beyond the here and now and decide where he wants to be. She believes in him.

Yeah I know, it's a movie. But seriously, we can have an anxious concern for our spouse and believe in them and help them reach their goals. Because their success is totally ours too. We can work hard and celebrate right a long with them!

The apple: make a list of things you want to do with your life. encourage your spouse to write one too. read them to each other. then see what you can do to start checkin' em' off!

this is why...

this is why this blog is good for me. i sit here at my computer wanting some inspiration. what can i do for Zach today? i'm in love with that man.

*wash our sheets?

*tidy our room?

*it's Tuesday, he isn't going to be home all day. sending him a love email would be nice.

I think that is a good list. what apples are you going to try?

delightful and enduring. sounds good to me!

"We have a great responsibility to our husbands. I know it is hard to believe, but almost before you can turn around the children will be gone and you will be alone with him. You had better be sure that you are developing the kind of love and friendship that will be delightful and enduring. Let the children learn from your attitude that he is important. Encourage him. Be kind. It is a rough world, and he, like everyone else, is fighting to survive. Be cheerful. Don't be a whiner." -Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I love this woman! There are a few apples all of us can draw from this great quote! Happy Friday!

make a memory!

I was so happy I came along this picture the other day. I had forgotten about this!

Was this really FIVE years ago?

We have always had the best neighbors! This is a picture of us about 12 or 1 in the morning after we finished building a solid cube and sphere on top!

I think there were four couples that did this, I might be leaving one out. Can't remember. We had a blast building it though!

Date idea? Build something! Make a memory! It's gonna get cold this week, maybe you could freeze some ice and do some sculpting? If you do have a lot of snow this year, then build something.

Oh, I will admit, the night we built this-the last thing I wanted to do was play in the snow. It was one of those things I just did because Zach really wanted to. I was warm, in my pj's and we were about to watch a movie and then the plans changed. Now I am glad we did it.

your wedding day!

How much time, thought, energy, etc did you put into planning your wedding? Think about it. You and yours spent quite a bit of time thinking of every little detail and then executing it, right? I loved it though! It was a lot I will admit while trying to keep my job at the same time but I loved it. I was so looking forward to the day and thinking about every detail made me giddy!

Friday we went to the Northern Utah Marriage Celebration held at Weber State. There were 4 workshops and at the end of the evening the keynote speakers were John and Kim Bytheway. Gosh, we had a great time! We learned some good stuff too. Zach missed his Elders Quorum b-ball game for it. This is HUGE I want you to know! :) (I think he was secretly embarrassed to be going to this instead of to his ball game, but in the end he was glad he went-don't tell him I said that!)

Quoting from John-"it has been said that most people spend more time planning their wedding day than they do their marriage."

Yes, I realize that planning ahead means being proactive and thinking about the future. But I will also point out that even though it is crazy planning a wedding, we still found time to do that!

So, what kind of life do you want? No, I am not asking what about the vacations you want to take together or what you want to do when you are 50 exactly. I am asking what you want the day to day to be like. Those decisions shape the future. Do you want to have a happy home filled with fun and laughter? Do you want to be loving, kind and romantic? Do you want to be adventurous together by trying new things or enjoying hobbies or outdoor recreation together? Do you want to be faithful, attending church, Temple and holding regular FHE, scripture study and prayer?

There are probably a host of other questions I could spout but this has really gotten me thinking. I was picky about certain things when I was the bride to be. I thought about details and I wanted things a specific way. I made lists, discussed them with Zach and so on.

Life, if we are going to have it as close to the way we want it, then we are going to have to plan for it. This discussion might just be more important than a favorite T.V. show. Just sayin'. :)

Well, that's more like a fruit basket than AN APPLE :)

Don't stop!

If your Valentines day was wonderful...then keep the ball rollin'! Keep leaving those notes around the house, sending sweet texts, emails and messages on Facebook! Give them a nice greeting when you get home. Keep using those conversation hearts until they run out and doing love hunts with your kids... and so on!

Now, if your Valentines day wasn't that great don't lose hope! :) You can always declare yourselves another one!

And if the ball never started rollin', then give it a push! Leave the sweet notes and messages and give them a good long hug and kiss when you see them next!

Sweet love isn't only for Valentines Day and no one ever said you can only have ONE APPLE A DAY! :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentines Day everyone!

Before our oldest walked out the door to school, he gave me two hugs. He said "do you know why I gave you two hugs? Because I love you twice as much!"

I hope your day is full of lots of sweet things; acts of kindness, expressions of love and sweet nothings!

Happy Valentines Day to Zach! You are my hero! Life with you is honestly better than ever I imagined! You are so good to me and to our kids!

I love you so much!

does it matter?

are you the one who thinks "if I don't do anything for Valentines it won't matter"?

Well, if you are, then you had better really think about that one!

If you remember the post on the love bank you will know why I am encouraging you to think. Just the same as doing things that your spouse appreciates is a deposit in the love bank- not doing things your spouse would appreciate and even expects can be a withdrawal.

No one is perfect. I realize we don't always do, say, think the things our spouse wants us to. In marriage we learn as we go and we do it together.

Here is something that will hopefully help you to be on the right track in what you are doing or giving for Valentines Day.

First-do you know your spouses love language?

1. do they like it when you make the bed, make them treats, pack them lunch, take out the garbage? -they are an ACTS OF SERVICE PERSON

2. do they like back rubs, foot rubs, kissing, intimacy (a lot)-physical stuff? -THEY ARE A PHYSICAL TOUCH PERSON.

3. do they like gifts, flowers, treats that you buy just for them? -THEY ARE A RECEIVING GIFTS PERSON.

4. do they like notes, texts, emails, vocal praise, gratitude? -THEY ARE A WORDS OF AFFIRMATION PERSON.

5. do they want to do things together, talk, watch a movie, go places together? -THEY ARE A QUALITY TIME PERSON.

Some of us might be a bit of all these things. The idea is to pick the one that sounds the most like your spouse and do/give something under that category to them for Valentines.

Here is an idea for each category:

1. breakfast in bed

2. send a text, hide a note in their lunch or in their shoe that invites them to some pamper time by you, just for them. "you and me, our room 8 o' clock?"

3. buy them something they have mentioned they want. it could be flowers, razors, cologne, lotion or even their favorite candy bar. A simple, I thought of you today and thought you might like this goes a long way. (that means you really have to be thinking of them though! :))

4. Write up "The Top 10 Reasons Why I LOVE YOU"

5. Give them quality time with just you. A true quality time person would love advance notice so they can look forward to it. (like I have been looking forward to my date with Zach tonight for like a week and a half! -yeah, like that! :))

You've still got time! Do something!

T.I.M.E

"Love is really spelled T -I -M- E"

The apple for the day is: however much time you have together make it quality. the end.

what is quality time to you?

got a present? give it!

"The loss of loved ones almost inevitably brings some regrets to our hearts. Let’s minimize such feelings as much as humanly possible by frequently expressing our love and gratitude to them. We never know how soon it will be too late."

"Someone has said that" “feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

William Arthur Ward, in Allen Klein, comp., Change Your Life!(2010), 15

It's love month you know! One huge way to show we love someone is to express gratitude for them! Let's give this gift to our spouse every day! Be grateful! Everyone likes to be appreciated.

The apple? Tell them and show them you are grateful! With a note, with a song, hug, smile, words. If nice things come to your mind when you spouse does something, say them!

the miracle.

Miracles happen all around us. Today while feeling very inadequate to meet my challenges. The member of the Bishopric who was conducting sacrament meeting mentioned a quote he had on his wall. It reminded me of this one by President Monson from THIS talk:

"My dear sisters, do not pray for tasks equal to your abilities, but pray for abilities equal to your tasks. Then the performance of your tasks will be no miracle, but you will be the miracle."

When we pray, we can pray for miracles. Right now I feel like meeting my challenges and struggles would be nothing short. of. a. miracle.

Let us always remember that the Lord keeps His promises. "Ask and ye shall receive."

Gift ideas for your Valentine!

Everyone does Valentines different. Some couples don't do anything, some go out on a special date, some stay home and do something special, some give gifts.

I knew someone once who hated Valentines and didn't want to support it at all. My opinion? It's a day that can be made into an occasion. I think we need more of those! This might have something to do with the fact I am a stay at home mom and I really like to be home. I don't get out much. :) I LOVE the anticipation of a date night! I am not the best gift giver as far as originality goes. I can copy and I'm not ashamed to admit it!

Here are some things I have done and others I would like to try:

* a year of dates! There are a few renditions of this idea but the one I liked can be found HERE.

* valentines day survival kit. i liked THIS one.

* make your own card. ladies, use the lipstick and put kisses on it. gents, use your cologne. gosh, I love to smell Zach's cologne!

* write out "101 reason why I love you" or "101 reasons I'm glad I married you"

* and of course, "love coupons" for: breakfast in bed, back massage, an evening out, anything you want, 25 kisses, dinner for two, movie night (you choose movie or you choose who chooses) ...etc

* i'm not sure if this could be here in time but you could try a photo book. pictures of just you two or pictures of highlights from your life together. (i guess this is more intense and would be a better idea for your anniversary or something. but hey, maybe your anniversary is coming up! -that's why I included this idea. :))

* surprise your spouse with a day off! spend the day together!

* let your spouse sleep in-watch the kids and make her breakfast.

Go HERE for more ideas on gifts and also some small decorating tips!

What are some of your favorite gifts you've given your spouse for Valentines?

Your Valentine's Date

First off, Valentines is 12 days away! Now would be a good time to decide who is in charge of planning the date! (whether you will go out Friday or Monday..)

So, the other night I asked Zach, "so, whose in charge of planning our Valentines date?" He responded with, "is this a trick question". Poor guy. If I hadn't been in a good mood there might not have been a right answer to that question! :)

There are so many fun things to do! Here's an idea, if you haven't come up with something already. And let me say this, it doesn't have to be complicated if you don't want to. I just think we all should take every chance we have to show our spouse we love em'. that's all I'm sayin'. :)

THE DINNER DATE

* invite your spouse to a dinner date. treat your date(not your spouse) (-I mean evening together, let's not be confused. I am not saying go out with someone else. :)) - like a 4 or 5 course meal. So, no matter what you are doing -going out or staying home- approach it this way.

example:

Go totally romantic

(appetizer)1st: dinner by candlelight (with your love songs for background music)

(salad)2nd: dance by candlelight

(bread)3rd: oil massage

(main course)4th: {insert what comes to mind:)}

(dessert)5th: have dessert and relax

Slip a note/invitation under the door, leave it in their brief case, lunch box, have the secretary in his office give it to him or mail it. do this a few days before. anticipation is a lovely thing. use it to your advantage. ;) If you wanted to, you could send one course invitation for five days up until the date.

Invitation Example

"A Night to Remember" (-that sounds like a prom theme. oh well. :))

You are sincerely invited to the best date ever!

Time: 6:00-whenever

Dinner will be served.

(appetizer)1st: dinner by candlelight {insert menu if you want to}

(salad)2nd: dance by candlelight

(bread)3rd: oil massage

(main course)4th: {insert what comes to mind:)}

(dessert)5th: {insert name of dessert}

"Will you be mine Valentine?"

Oh, I wish!

I wish I could make every post individual. I wish I could post what every person needed!

I found THIS wonderful website over the weekend and I love it! Check it out!

http://strongermarriage.org/

The apple for the day is: read an article or two with your spouse or tell them about what you read!

Love Month Baby!

I love themes! I love them because they help me focus! I LOVE that this is love month!

No need to feel exhausted because love month sounds like too much! Just start cutting hearts!

Use them:

*to write notes

*extend an invitation for a date, talking time, treat time or any other "time" you want to share with your spouse.

*put them up around the house as decoration with things you love about your spouse written on them

*to leave in random places your spouse will find them with encouragement and love written on them. -put them under dinner plates, in lunches, the toilet lid, the bathroom wall.

What else could we use those hearts for? paper airplanes?

Happy first day of love month!