Resolve.

I absolutely LOVE THIS TALK by Elder Christofferson that he gave a year ago at a CES Fireside. Here is a great quote that is worthy of remembering right now.

"This is the season of New Year’s resolutions, and I would like to quote to you the words of President N. Eldon Tanner, formerly a counselor in the First Presidency: “As we reflect on the value of resolving to do better, let us determine to discipline ourselves to carefully select the resolutions we make, to consider the purpose for making them, and finally, to make commitments for keeping them and not letting any obstacle stop us. Let us remind ourselves at the beginning of each day that we can keep a resolution just for that day. As we do this it gets easier and easier until it becomes a habit.”2"

I can do anything for one day! I am looking forward to a fresh start with a New Year and new goals!

Spouse inventory!

As 2011 comes to a close, it is a great time to take a spouse inventory.
This apple might not be what you think. I am not suggesting you take an inventory of your spouse, (because that is too easy) I am suggesting, you take an inventory of how you are as a spouse.
Because I don't know the details of you lives I will try to be more specific than I am vague in this suggestion. :)
So try this on for size.
Think about the last time you spoke to your spouse.
*What were you thinking about?
*What can my spouse do for me? OR *What can I do for my spouse?
*How were you talking?
*respectfully? OR *disrespectfully?
*Were you encouraging OR *discouraging?
Okay, how about the last time you were in their presence.
Did you initiate physical touch? *kiss them hello or goodbye? *reach out and take their hand? *give a friendly bum slap?
*Did you express love and appreciation?
*Did you look for a way to help or serve them?
*Did you listen or do all the talking?

We live in a world that is really good at placing blame on other people. It is all too easy to do this in our own lives. In the end though what other people do is not what we are responsible for. We are responsible for what we do.
What are YOU doing to make your marriage stronger?
What are YOU doing to love and support your spouse?
I am in no way saying that this is always easy, especially because we are trained in the world we live in to absolve responsibility for our actions if we were wronged first.
But, we do follow the Savior Jesus Christ and He has shown us a better way, the only way. To take the higher road. Not the easiest way all the time.
He has also taught to forgive. Forgive your spouse and forgive YOURSELF. If the answers to these questions were not what you wanted that is not the issue any more. Now the issue is, what will you do about it.
This is an eye opening apple. I hope you do it. I hope we all consistently do it and then do better. That's the idea right?
What questions would you add to this list? What new years resolutions do you have set to help better your marriage?

on your mark...

get set, get ready! That's my apple for the day! I have enjoyed relaxing a bit too much these last couple of days. Today I'm going to actually do my hair! Look out! :)
Even though we are having homemade pizza for dinner, I am going to put goblets on the table. What the heck, I am declaring today a special occasion. Because I said so!

What are you going to do?

Do your math

One day while making dinner I heard our two year old crying, the sound was getting closer so I knew he was coming upstairs. I also knew that whatever had happened was my older sons fault because I knew they were playing rough down stairs.
They slowly appeared at the top of the stairs, Ben comforting Josh and and Josh crying. I looked at this scene and the thought came to me, "add to the good you see, don't add to the negative". This was and is an inspired thought. I had two choices, I could have said, "what did you do?!" and flipped out and I could have said, "thank you for helping and comforting your brother, would you like to tell me what happened?"
Since this afternoon I have thought about this. Knowing the little I do about math, I know that 2+2=4 and that 2-2=0 and that if you keep subtracting, you get negatives. The same is true in our relationships and interactions.
This does not mean that we don't discuss the negative we see, we just need to do it when we aren't mad and in a positive way.

You may wonder.

where the heck I've been this month and well, you might not. :) I am not exactly sure to be honest. :)
I just thought I would check in though and fill you in on what life looks like, well a little peak at least.
I think I've been in denial that it is actually December. I might have dragged my feet a bit in my Christmas time preparations. Yeah, dragged is a good word.
We are almost done though and that's a relief to say!

When life gets busy I really try hard to remember an apple a day. It has been harder than I had planned to post about them though.
Zach is busy in December with work and then Scouts and I am up to my chin in everything else. It is nice to have things to do.
When things get crazy I'm doing good to get one note, maybe two, a week in a lunch for Zach. On days (like today) that I am relieved he is home so I can go lay down; I take a deep breath and kiss him for as long as he'll let me or until we both burst into laughter at our children's comments. :)
I need to do better at just asking for what I need and not hinting at it. :) And also getting to bed at a decent hour so I don't have headaches and I am actually okay with getting up in the morning!
With all we have going on, we are enjoying hot chocolate, cuddles by the fire and stories with the kids by candle light.
I really do love this time of year!

What have your apples been lately?

Now, more than ever

In a family and especially in a marriage, all of us need to realize and do our best to remember that not a single person is perfect. Give each other the benefit of the doubt and then ADD ONTO THAT WHICH IS GOOD. THERE IS GOOD IN EVERY ONE!

I have had years that Zach hasn't given me what I've wanted for Christmas or something happened that disappointed me -that stuff happens. Just as quick as those thoughts come though, lets look at what they did do, the memories that were made. Is this something we'll laugh about later? Can we laugh now? Enjoy each other.
At least you have each other to be with! How many loved ones are apart at Christmas?! Live in the moment and relish it!

shocker...okay not really

You know, I was talking to a friend the other day (this is not the shocker part. :)) and she mentioned how crazy it was to her that young couples that get married these days are not aware that marriage can be hard. They get married thinking it is all one big party. -that their spouse will always be kind, thoughtful, take them to fancy places and they will always be in good health and have enough money!

Well, aren't they in for a shocker! :)

Some readers of this blog might get the idea that I think this way. That when married you can always be kind, thoughtful...etc.

To be honest, some of my views of marriage are always changing. There are some that remain constant. Life changes and so do the things Zach and I have to deal with. Somethings are a breeze and with one wink and one smile, we are good.. then there are those other things that are not so breezy. :) They take a little more effort to work through. And really, we might be working for longer than we even realize.

I don't know how to work with a spouse that doesn't want to work with me. Zach does. He listens and is a great support...even when I do stupid things, he has my back.

One thing is for sure though, I am an advocate for marriage. I would choose to be married over and over again. I love being married. I would much rather go through this life with Zach by my side than alone. I am grateful that up to this point I have been granted this great and wonderful blessing. It is just that. A blessing.

My view of marriage is this: It is worth fighting for!!!

Happy Monday!

My apple for today is to make sure Zach knows that being married to him is a blessing.

What's yours?

It's Friday!!

It's Friday! I hope you do something fun with your family and especially your spouse tonight!

Even though this is a busy time of year, try and make sure you do those things that slow you down...like taking pictures, saying please and thank you and watching the faces of those around you.

Have a great weekend!

Today

is Tuesday. It's looking good. cold. but good.

I think for my apple today I will write a few notes and put them about the house. Love notes and perhaps an invitation to a desert date and a game after the kids are snoozing.

What are you going to do?

Now would be a good time

to make a list of all the great things you would like to do this month and mark it down! It seems if I don't write it down, I forget, if we don't make it a priority, it won't happen.

This habit is essential in the blessed time of year! So, get out your calendar, get out your bank statement and figure out how much money you have and what you are gonna do!

I love, love, love December! Here's to a lot of time snuggling by the fire, and enjoying as many sights and sounds we can!...without the exhaustion, contention and chaos. Good goals huh?

What do you enjoy the most about this time of year?

Who won you ask?

Can you tell Zach is excited?! (not to show you his food, just to find out who won? :))

Yesterday was really the big announcement day...and I made you wait. Sorry 'bout that.

Can I just say how grateful I am for you? It has been interesting to say the least, to write this blog. Not knowing what the reader is thinking when they read each post is like speaking to a totally expressionless audience. I very much appreciate thoughts, ideas and encouragement from you!

Without further a due, the seriously lucky winner is...I mean winners are! :

behoxer said...

I like the list idea, Becca. Another simple thing I do is just try to put myself in his shoes for a minute. There's not much to it, but it works.

kate said...

good stuff, becca. those moments are tough, for sure. but we sure are blessed with some super guys!

kkupfer said...

Done and Done! Love ya Becca Its funny how this month you have been talking about gratitude, did I tell you that's what Kevin likes to hear.

Are you doing a victory dance right now? :)

Thanks for your comments you guys! These are examples of great comments that really do help! Keep them coming and I'll see if I can't keep getting more books! :) Leave a comment and let me know if you have a copy of "An Eight -Cow Woman Deserves an Eight-Cow Man" by Tracy Lyn Cutler, "Love that Lasts" by Gary and Joy Lundberg or "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

I will send one of the books you don't have! Oh and email me your address. :)