frustrated?

lately (being vague) I've been frustrated with myself. some days I feel like I'm on the frustration fast track and I can't get off and I can't stop it.
the thing that bugs me the most is that I know it affects my family. i want to be the strong one. the crazy thing about being frustrated with yourself is that those are the times that the faults of others are much worse. you see what everyone else is doing wrong or not doing and it frustrates you. this can be anyone, including and most often your spouse and children.
so because this is all on my mind (which brings me to the purpose of this post), i am reminded of a talk I listened to a long time ago. Stand your Ground by Diana Holscher.
She was speaking to the youth and gave them this counsel. (paraphrasing) in anticipation of finding your companion for this life and the next, make a list of what you are looking/hoping for. And then, become that list. She then suggested that the leaders and parents do it too, especially if they were married. Light attracts light.
I am sure none of you have this same problem but I often focus more on what others are doing wrong than what I'm doing wrong. Like Sunday, we're in Sacrament meeting. Ben and Sarah are coloring and didn't stop until the person began their prayer. I thought it was cute and was glad they stopped when they heard the prayer begin. Zach was frustrated with them and kept his eyes open for a minute, watching them. I, while watching Zach was thinking, "why doesn't he just shut his eyes and set a good example?" Then I laughed to myself because I was totally doing the same thing.
So anyway, this might be an Apple that takes a little bit of time but I feel like it's worth it. Make a list of attributes you'd like to see in your spouse and then set out to become that list. It is a real truth that when we see someone else improve without spite but with honest and good intentions to become better, it motivates us to do the same.

don't be offended. :)

so, the Apple of the day: eat one. -thank you Zach for your contribution. :)
he is trying again....schedule your sex and then do it. -oh boy I hope no one is offended. :)

to make up for his last comment...
come up with two or three things that your spouse can do for you that would put you more in a love making mood. could you use more help around the house? help put the kids in bed? build a chicken coup so his muscles bulk up?

okay, since we are on the note of doing things for our spouse...just the other day I was thinking about this. In a joking, yet serious way, I was getting after Zach for possibly having missed yet another hockey season and I've been asking for like three years to go to a game. Later that day or the next day I was thinking about that conversation and why he hadn't fulfilled my request yet- and it isn't like I'm easy to ignore. :)
So I began thinking about all the things he has asked me to do for about that long...maybe longer and I haven't done them. For me, they aren't urgent things and so it is hard, with life so busy and so many urgent things demanding my time, to get those things done that he's asked. But since I want to go to a hockey game...I'm going to try an experiment. I am going to make a list of the things he has asked me to do and begin checking them off. If I don't write it down I will forget because honestly those things aren't really on my mind. Well, we'll see if we make it to a hockey game any time soon. :)

what you need.

So last weekend was Stake Conference. I love Stake Conference.

During our Stake President's talk he told a story about a couple who came to him with their marriage in trouble. After listening to them he said...what he told all of us, "if your marriage is in trouble then you need the Holy Ghost. You need to feel it, you need to listen to it and "The Holy Ghost will show unto you all things what ye should do". He counseled them to go home and look up Mormon Messages and watch some together. It didn't matter what they were about they just needed to feel the Spirit...together.

I love his counsel and I am grateful for the reminder he gave of how important it is to feel the Spirit...together.

So there is a not so typical, Apple for the day. :)

Here I am.

I am sitting in Zach's office typing on his laptop.  My computer has a virus.

I've had a crappy day.  I've been acting crappy.  I called him on my way to his office and ranted.  ....

Then I apologized.  "sorry I've been acting crappy".  'it's okay, I love you even when you act crappy".

Isn't it hard sometimes when you feel crappy to find to strength and sometimes courage to stop acting crappy?

deep breath.

I'm grateful for Zach.  He's so patient.  I think we'll go to the park.  I curled my hair so maybe Zach will take me on a date. :)  Otherwise I think we'll watch Atlas shrugged.  Is that what it's called?  What will you do?


The Apple for the day: tell your spouse something specific you are grateful for about them or that they did.  smile and then kiss em'.  
Is there something they've been asking you to do for a while?  maybe you should buckle down and get it done?  


Have a great Friday!

persistence

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but our ability to do it has increased." -Emerson

The Apple for the Day: Be nice to your spouse! :)

this one's for the girls

So, that marriage celebration over the weekend? AWESOME. It was so good and so fun. Matt Townsend, the keynote speaker had us laughing so hard for an hour and a half. I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard. Good, good times. I will definitely be writing more about the things I learned.
So Zach and I went to this intimacy class. Yeah, we sat on the back row. Those classes are awkward for me to walk into. :)
Dr. Liz Hale was the speaker and she did a great job. I looked her website up and found THIS post. All of the ladies need to read it! Our men need and want us to be more forward and she gives some great ideas in THIS post!

I thought it was funny to read this article and remember THIS post. Loving them in their way does make a difference.

Happy Monday. :)

Nurturing Marriage

I listened to THIS wonderful talk by Elder Nelson earlier this week. There is some seriously applicable stuff in there!
I have talked to some readers who often don't follow the links I put on here...so, here are some great quotes that give a gist of the talk. Good stuff.

"Marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other human relationship. Yet some married couples fall short of their full potential....Marriages would be happier if nurtured more carefully.

I suggest two steps you can take to have a more joyful marriage.
The first step is to comprehend the doctrinal foundation for marriage. The Lord declared that marriage is the legal wedding of one man and one woman: “Marriage is ordained of God unto man.

With these doctrinal underpinnings in mind, let us consider the second step—specific actions that would strengthen a marriage.
My suggestions use three action verbs: to appreciate, to communicate, and to contemplate.

To appreciate—to say “I love you” and “thank you”...As grateful partners look for the good in each other and sincerely pay compliments to one another, wives and husbands will strive to become the persons described in those compliments.

Good communication includes taking time to plan together. Couples need private time to observe, to talk, and really listen to each other. They need to cooperate—helping each other as equal partners. They need to nurture their spiritual as well as physical intimacy. They should strive to elevate and motivate each other. Marital unity is sustained when goals are mutually understood. Good communication is also enhanced by prayer. To pray with specific mention of a spouse’s good deed (or need) nurtures a marriage.

If couples contemplate often—with each other in the temple—sacred covenants will be better remembered and kept. Frequent participation in temple service and regular family scripture study nourish a marriage and strengthen faith within a family. Contemplation allows one to anticipate and to resonate (or be in tune) with each other and with the Lord. Contemplation will nurture both a marriage and God’s kingdom.

I invite each marital partner to consider these suggestions and then determine specific goals to nurture your own relationship. Begin with sincere desire. Identify those actions needed to bless your spiritual unity and purpose. Above all, do not be selfish! Generate a spirit of selflessness and generosity. Celebrate and commemorate each day together as a treasured gift from heaven."

Today.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

So, this morning somewhere around 4 A.M. I was up with our little night prowler son. I couldn't go back to sleep and so was thinking about my plans for the day.
I began to analyze the needs they filled. I realized that I totally love Zach in my own love language so much more than I love him in his!

Yeah, everything I had planned for today was either an acts of service or a quality time.

Well, good thing I woke up at 4 so I could rethink that!

I thought that I'd post this in hopes to save some of you from making the same mistake. If anything, try something in all the five love languages if you aren't sure which one they are.

*words of affirmation
*physical touch
*quality time
*receiving gifts
*acts of service

Have a great day!!!

Wow.

Well uh, it has been a little nuts around here. Sometimes, (when I get a minute) I sit back and think "gosh, what hit me?"

It just seems like there are always those "normal" things that keep me busy and then there is "craziness" that occurs out of no where!

Sorry for the lack of writing...especially during love month!!! Gee!

Since I'm getting geared up for another week of who knows what, here are some "apples" all in one post. I hope you're ready! :)

*hide notes in their shirt pocket, purse, makeup bag, shoes, wallet, dashboard, steering wheel, windshield wiper, etc.

*use that handy dry erase marker for mirrors or windshield's or side car window's.

*if you mail a card Monday it could get to the office or home by Tuesday. It can be a card expressing love and appreciation or inviting them out for a date.

*have love songs playing when they come home for the night. dance to a few.

*write them a poem.

*make them a coupon book or better yet, put those coupon things on the calendar. Some coupon type things may include:
-wash and vacuum car
-night off for you (go with your girl/guy friends or someplace else...that isn't the store)
-Temple night
-date night (bowling, dinner at_____ or ice skating)
-i'm on laundry duty this week
-i'll do dinner tonight
-you read, I'll put the kids in bed
-you and me tonight, no interruptions
(hopefully that gets your mind working)

*candle light dinner with or without the kids, just do it!

*cut out hearts and tape them everywhere. Put nice things you love about them on them. Or just put them in one specific spot and give them "a heart attack".

*do little favors for them and leave a heart behind that says "I did this because I love you" or simply, "I love you".

*if you aren't a lovey person make a special effort to be better. Hold their hand, kiss when they leave or come home or for no reason, touch them when you walk by...

*listen to what they say and work to be a better support with what they have going on. If they aren't talking, then ask.

*call at least once a day and say "i love you".

*make a top ten reasons why I'm glad you're my Valentine.

*show up to their office or home with a gift...not on Valentines day.

*text or email everyday, something specific that you love or appreciate about them.

*tell them and show them that they are a priority to you. let the laundry go, turn off the phone or the computer and be with your spouse.

What are some "apples" you do for your spouse?...especially around Valentines Day?
Do you take turns planning a date? Do you go out or stay home? Do you do anything different?

I love any occasion that adds variety to my life! I am a big fan of holidays, they help me think outside my daily box. I hope your week is a great one!

Consider

I guess I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. :)

It is easy for me to possibly get too personal and give too much information on here so forgive my vagueness. :)

Consider in your relationship...is there something one or both of you do that you don't like?
Lately I have realized there is something I do that I don't like. (no it isn't my eating that I'm talking about here. :))
Who will change that if I don't?! What I did was I looked at the problem and thought about what would happen to mine and Zach's relationship if it continued and I didn't do anything to change it? I didn't like what I saw.

For the encouragement. First we think, then we decide, then we do something. Big change starts with small changes. The best thing to do when you have a big problem is to break it down and decide to do something today that takes you in the right direction. Pray for the strength, pray for the help to remember your resolve and then do it when the opportunity presents itself..or better yet, create the opportunity. (if that applies)

If there is something that your spouse does that you don't like. Consider if you possibly do the same thing..or something close to it. Are you a good example of strength in their weakness? If not, work on yourself first. We draw more strength than we all realize from a good example.

Did this post make sense? Was I too vague? :)

the other day..

I've been thinking lately.

I know for me, I know my weaknesses better than anyone. They are easier for me to recognize. I might be kind of hard on myself and let the bad outweigh the good sometimes.
Everyone of us has a desire to do good. to be appreciated.

In this past week I have done some dumb things. Things that embarrass me after I've done them. I have been nothing short of relieved and grateful that Zach hasn't laughed at me or made me feel worse by saying anything mean.

Yeah, we finished this detox diet and in our pantry we had (past tense) a box of Andes mint cookies. (have you tried those?!) I ate the whole box. I didn't even save one for Zach. I felt so dumb and hoped with all my heart he wouldn't notice...he did. He asked about them and then I admitted I felt totally stupid that I ate the whole box. He just said, "that's no big deal" and let me resolve myself to never do that again. That might seem trivial...and funny :) but I really did feel way dumb. :)

As I've watched and associated with different people lately I've realized we all want to be loved and appreciated and encouraged to do better.

Can we not do better at letting the good be what we see. (or at least say something about!) We are trying to do our best...or at least we are thinking about it! :) We all notice and are all too aware of what we don't do right. Let's point out the good...and then be a good example and pretty soon, they will follow.

The apple of the day is: think of something your spouse did this morning or yesterday that you appreciate. Text, email or call and express that specific appreciation.

NOTICE.

You know the song, "do as I'm doing". I think that more than we realize it, we really want our lover to love the way we love.
The Apple for the Day and for the weekend for that matter is: notice. Watch your spouse. How do they love you? What do they do?
THEN, love them in the same way. I did this apple this week and it has been fun and interesting. :)

Here are some examples of things I noticed. While I was out, Zach put up a few sticky notes around the house saying I was super sexy and awesome and fun and etc. :) He took the kids so I could have some time to myself. -he even loaded the dishwasher and then left. He is bold, he says straight forward things like, "what are you doing later?, wanta make out?" If I was sitting, he would come sit by me.
I also noticed when I came home later one evening and he was downstairs, I did something upstairs for a bit and when he came up he said, "I was wondering why you didn't come down." -this tells me what he'd like me to do. -come say hello when I get home. Another thing I noticed was that he would ask probing questions about if I liked something he did or the way he looked. -meaning I should say more of what I'm thinking and compliment him more.

So because of what I noticed this week I tried to do some of these same types of things in return. It was fun to see his response because I don't normally love the way he loves. :) So, we were chatting over text about this nasty lunch I sent him that day -that we both ate. (because we were on a detox diet) Here is the text: "I choked it down too. :) I love you. Mind if you and I make love tonight?"
There was no beating around the bush, it was out of the blue and he loved it. It is funny to see the way they respond to their own language of loving.
It is love month. Try loving the way they love. Have a great weekend!