"AN APPLE A DAY" - "By small and simple things, great {marriages} are brought to pass!"

Party on Baby!

2012-01-27T08:38:00.000-08:00

Do me a favor?...and you and go on a date! Please!

A date is something with just the two of you. If you can have someone come over for a half hour and the two of you can go window shopping at the mall or visit a widow in your ward...it is just nice to do something together.

If you must stay at home which happens more than Zach and I would like then call it a date. Start at 8 and end at 10. Play a game of Sequence, Speed or slap jack. Pop some popcorn and try throwing it in each others mouths or have a contest to see who can throw up their own and catch the most. After you are sure the kids are sound a sleep bundle yourselves up and go for a short walk outside and enjoy the silence and the company.

do a date! have a party! happy friday to ya!

sometimes...

2012-01-25T06:13:00.000-08:00

sometimes love is letting them love you.

When Zach and I were first married and I was expecting Ben, he sent me flowers while I was at work.
An older lady noticed my flowers and gave me a bit of advice through telling me a story.

She proceeded to tell me how when she and her husband were very first married and didn't have much money, her husband sent her some flowers and she got very mad at him. "We don't have that kind of money" she said. "don't waste it on flowers!" Sadly, she reported after 40+ years of marriage he had yet to send another bouquet.

Her getting upset did not serve him or her.

Her story taught me a quite a few things. I learned to keep my mouth shut and ask myself if I wanted him to never ever do that thing again. If the answer was no then I didn't say anything. If the answer was yes then I would take a deep breath and then talk to him about it. But honestly, I don't think the answer has ever been yes.

Here is an example. After we had our stillborn baby I wanted to be left alone quite often. One night I was typing a blog post for our family blog that was quite journal like. He saw me crying, came and sat by me and started rubbing my back. It made me mad and I wanted to turn to him and say "leave me alone!". Then this question came to my mind. "So, when you are crying you never want him to come offer comfort?" I kept my mouth shut and later that week I talked to him about needing to be left alone sometimes and not wanting to make him feel bad in the moment he is offering kindness. We decided on a code that he would just understand that I needed some time. No one had hurt feelings and both our needs were met. (his need was being able to follow his own intuition w/out being shot down by me and mine was to be able to communicate my needs w/out hurting his feelings)

In a marriage relationship, neither one is a parent to the other. It is a partnership. We all need to learn the art of working together and not telling each other what to do. Really it comes down to identifying the problem (not the person that is the problem) and working together to find a solution we can both be happy with.
At the risk of making this post still longer I will add one thing I read in Stephen R. Covey's book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. He and his wife had a method if they couldn't agree on a solution they could both be happy with. They would then use the "on a scale from 1 - 10 how important is this to you" method. This might come in handy sometime. I know it has for me.

Sometimes all we can do is let them love us and then later when we are able to think clearly; we can appreciate them and what they were trying to do. Aw, love. It really is good.

what love looks like :)

2012-01-24T06:12:00.000-08:00

Try to capture a moment today.

There isn't one? Make one!

I know I've said this before (and you don't have to tell me if you have tried it) If the day is just "off" somehow, kiss! I am serious! When you see each other for the first time that day, kiss! Have you already been together for "too long" and things are just off? Kiss! If you don't feel like you can just walk up and lay one on em' then ease into it. snuggle up next to them, kiss em' on the cheek, say you are sorry that things are "off" and ask if you can start over. Then kiss em' like they are leaving for a month...or just got back! Then take a picture. :) ha ha! This is probably one of my favorite apples! It is quite effective around here. :) What can I say? (oh gee, I'm stopping!)

Where love is.

2012-01-23T09:18:00.000-08:00

"where love is, there God is also. Where love is, we want to be" (Primary Songbook)
Isn't that so true?!

This is a great quote from a great talk by Marvin J. Ashton.

"A friend of mine recently shared what he considered to be a choice learning experience. It was provided by his young son. Upon returning home from his day’s work, this father greeted his boy with a pat on the head and said, “Son, I want you to know I love you.”

The son responded with, “Oh Dad, I don’t want you to love me, I want you to play football with me.” Here was a boy conveying a much-needed message.

The world is filled with too many of us who are inclined to indicate our love with an announcement or declaration.

True love is a process. True love requires personal action."

How do you put your love into action?

The apple for the day is: Show your love for your spouse by remembering something they have going on and asking them about it. OR doing a favor they have asked you to do. (it's alright to point out that you did it, if you want to) Remember the Love Bank?

Have a great Monday!

THANK YOU. :)

2012-01-20T13:12:00.000-08:00

Thank you for your feedback everyone! This is a funny blog to be the author of. I am not an expert, I am learning the same as you. I am glad to write and share because it helps me focus. Honestly though, I probably wouldn't write it if it were only for me. I am glad you read it and I am glad it is helpful. I do still appreciate your feedback and love hearing what you like. So, thanks!

Without further a due! The winner of the Free date night is:

Megan said...
Okay, I'm just going to say it. I LOVE when you post every day. It totally helps me think of what I can do each day. On the flip side, I'm sure it is totally time-consuming. But, in my selfish world, I would vote for every day (just a little snippet, doesn't have to be big). THANKS FOR THIS BLOG!! It has been a blessing in my life.

AS FOR THE REST OF YOU, please still go on a date this weekend! Aw, dates. Dates are a HUGE and healthy apple! They really feel like a breath of fresh air. It is to the Temple for my main man and me. That is truly refreshing. What will you be doing?

Your preference please?...giveaway!

2012-01-17T14:21:00.000-08:00

I'm considering doing one post a week instead of posting everyday. Would that be better for you? Or do you like the daily posts? I know I like to keep up on some blogs but sometimes it just feels like a lot.
One post on, say a Monday with a topic and apples related to that topic?...and then a date idea?
What topics would you like to hear about? What is helpful?

what do you think? From your comments I will pick a winner for a FREE date night. (Yes, enter if you don't live in Utah and I'll get you something in your area.)

Thank you in advance for your feedback!!!

the little things

2012-01-16T06:50:00.000-08:00

What if something your spouse did was an offering? They had thought, "I am going to do this "thing" to show them I love them" and then...you didn't say anything? No, "thank you", no, "wow, that was nice". Do you think it would be very easy to make an offering again?

I know for me, I am going to do a better job at saying thank you. A lot of times I do see what Zach does and I forget to mention it. Besides, when I feel grateful for him and the things he does, it is easier for me to pull my load.

I am the Queen of Notebooks. I have so many of them. I love to write. I am going to write about Zach and the things he does. Then i won't forget and I'll be able to tell him when I see him. Let's face it, I don't see him as much as I want to!
And, you bet I want him to keep doing them! He is the best!

come what may, and love it.

2012-01-15T07:37:00.000-08:00

I hope you'll watch THIS little clip. What a great reminder Elder Wirthlin gave us to laugh and put our trust in the Lord.

the way they are.

2012-01-14T07:40:00.000-08:00

The apple for the day: look at your spouse. look in their eyes. think about who they are. what they want to be. their heart. their efforts. admire them.

Love them the way they are, for who they are. They are a son or daughter of God.

ha, it's Friday again!

2012-01-13T07:27:00.000-08:00

love. it.

Our date will be during the day tomorrow. Tonight we are going to do a puzzle and watch a movie we don't have to watch because we know it so well. We wouldn't want to go sledding on Friday the 13th now would we?!

Have a great weekend!? okay.

The apple: kiss. a lot. tell them they rock.

good times, good times.

2012-01-12T07:25:00.000-08:00

it is time to plan that date! What will you do?

First. Get a sitter. If you can't, call a friend and swap. There are two nights in a weekend. Invite your spouse. Go. Have some good times.

Go sledding. Come back and have cocoa. You don't have to be gone long to come back refreshed.

What are your favorite winter dates?

stress, it's a killer sir

2012-01-11T07:20:00.000-08:00

When things at work get nuts for Zach and he's visibly stressed I try and have the house as organized as possible when he get's home.
If it can't be, then I clean just our room. Aren't I nice? :)

What do you do?

I mean heck, I know you are busy too. Maybe what you do is go out to eat so you don't have to be home!

If I can't have the house clean because I haven't been home either, I just kiss him for a long time before he looks at the house and then he's so happy he won't see the mess! :) it works.

make time!

2012-01-10T06:14:00.000-08:00

"Love is really spelled T.I.M.E." -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

How do you make time for your spouse?

If Zach has worked late, I will wait to eat dinner with him. We can enjoy dinner by ourselves and visit. If the kids want his attention, we set the timer and say they can have him when it beeps but it is mom's turn.

My apple for the day is: let Zach have some time for himself when he gets home. Zach is a hot commodity at our house and he really doesn't get a break until the kids are in bed. (which is at least by 8, don't feel too bad for him. :)) After a long day at work I would be willing to bet he'd like 15 minutes to lay down before he gets jumped on.

yeehaw!

2012-01-09T07:03:00.000-08:00

This is me being excited for another day of living! Is it rubbing off on you? :)

It is Monday. Lots to do. Glad I can do it.

My apple for today was: send a note of encouragement in Zach's lunch.

Now, this man knows what he wants to do and does it. This in no way means it is easy for him.
The quote for the day in his lunch was: "The world moves aside for the man that knows where he is going." -President David O. Mckay

...it moves aside for the women too! whoot!

when i encourage him, it really rubs off on me. interesting how that happens.

i wish this would work!

2012-01-08T06:07:00.000-08:00

I would LOVE to share videos from lds.org on blogger! gee.

Oh well, I hope you follow THIS link and watch this awesome video. It is just shy of three minutes.

I could listen to Elder Holland all day long.

a special day

2012-01-07T06:58:00.000-08:00

Today's the day we get ready for Sunday at our house. okay, at least we really try to. When we don't put it off until the end of the day then we do alright with it.

We have 11-2 church this year. My goal is not to slack off on Sunday responsibilities prep until Sunday. Then I can enjoy the Sabbath morning without the rush and stress. Hard to feel the Spirit when I feel rushed and stressed. This I found out last week. :)

What's your favorite time for church and why?

This might not look like it is an Apple but it really is. We are both a lot better off when the kids know where their shoes are. :)

my favorite day!

2012-01-06T06:54:00.000-08:00

Friday's are my favorite day because I look forward to them. (maybe I should look forward to everyday and then they'd all be my favorite. now that's a thought.)

I LOVE. IT. when Zach is home! When I have my family around and we can do what we feel like or what we've planned...sometimes they're the same thing. :)

I'm glad I have a date to look forward to! I love that.

My apple for the day: get ready for my date. call my date and tell him he's hot. if he's busy I'll text him. go on my date. have a great time.

What are you going to do?

bright idea!

2012-01-05T06:46:00.000-08:00

Remember when I used to post a date idea every week? yeah, that was fun. :)

I am assuming most of you set a resolution to date your spouse more. That's one of mine.

When Zach and I knew we had a babysitter planned for New Years Eve, we both kind of got giddy at the thought of just us. We were expected to be to a party and we were plotting how we could fit a movie, and the party and, etc into as little time as possible so as no one would suspect. We did end up going to the party and had a great time.
Yeah, it was then that we realized it had been a while since we'd been out of the house on a date. oops. So, we resolved to date more...outside of our house. :)

I so, love. Friday's. This week we are going to go see THIS movie. It looks good. Have you seen it? What are going to do?

the moments matter

2012-01-04T06:42:00.000-08:00

"moments are the molecules of eternity" -Elder Neil A. Maxwell

how much time will i see zach today? he has a full day at work and then i have plans tonight.

that is often how it goes you know? life gets busy and we don't see each other very much.

to make my time with him count, my apple for today will be: kiss hello and goodbye. pray for and with him. (that was two, oh well. :))

how do you make your time count when the days are long and busy?

Check this out!

2012-01-03T16:07:00.000-08:00

If you live in Northern Utah or anywhere close, you should totally come to THIS event!

I am a member of the Weber County Marriage Coalition and helped to plan this! Last year it rocked and I know, personally, that this year will too! I am facilitating for two the sessions. :) It is a great night out! It's fun and you come away with awesome ideas for strengthening your marriage! Check out the link!

decide.

2012-01-03T07:35:00.000-08:00

If you decide to do something, the chances of you doing it are higher than if you didn't decide.

We learned this on Christmas. We visited both our families. We just didn't decide when we were going to leave my parents house to go to his. Yeah, we stayed at my parents longer than we should have but we never decided on a time to leave.

Thinking about this we had to say, "huh, it sure would have helped if we'd made a decision.".

Is there something you and your spouse want to do? have you mentioned it to each other and haven't decided how you're going to get it done? want to go on a great vacation? go to the Temple more? date night every week or month? family prayer and scripture study?

Answer these questions:
who is in charge of planning?
who gets the sitter?
who calls the family together?
what time?
what day?
when do we start?

Write it down! Put it on the calendar! Do it!

Deep breath.

2012-01-02T07:10:00.000-08:00

"your future is as bright as your faith" -President Thomas S. Monson

Watching THIS clip is a wonderful reminder to me of what is most important.

I am grateful for a New Year, a new day to start again. Starting over with a fresh attitude is like taking a deep breath, looking around me and feeling grateful for the many opportunities I have to do good.

My apple for the day is: sit down with Zach, discuss his goals and how I can help him to reach them. Then talk about mine and how he can help me. I think we'll do a puzzle while we talk. We have one that's started down stairs. The longer it waits...the sooner we'll have missing pieces.

Having each other is so great!

Happy New Year!

Happy New YEAR!!!

2012-01-01T20:31:00.000-08:00

‎"Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last."

With so many things unknown, I am grateful for what I do know. I know the gospel of Jesus Christ can guide my life. I am really looking forward to a wonderful 2012! Happy New Year my friends!

Resolve.

2011-12-30T07:08:00.000-08:00

I absolutely LOVE THIS TALK by Elder Christofferson that he gave a year ago at a CES Fireside. Here is a great quote that is worthy of remembering right now.

"This is the season of New Year’s resolutions, and I would like to quote to you the words of President N. Eldon Tanner, formerly a counselor in the First Presidency: “As we reflect on the value of resolving to do better, let us determine to discipline ourselves to carefully select the resolutions we make, to consider the purpose for making them, and finally, to make commitments for keeping them and not letting any obstacle stop us. Let us remind ourselves at the beginning of each day that we can keep a resolution just for that day. As we do this it gets easier and easier until it becomes a habit.”2"

I can do anything for one day! I am looking forward to a fresh start with a New Year and new goals!

Spouse inventory!

2011-12-29T06:51:00.000-08:00

As 2011 comes to a close, it is a great time to take a spouse inventory.
This apple might not be what you think. I am not suggesting you take an inventory of your spouse, (because that is too easy) I am suggesting, you take an inventory of how you are as a spouse.
Because I don't know the details of you lives I will try to be more specific than I am vague in this suggestion. :)
So try this on for size.
Think about the last time you spoke to your spouse.
*What were you thinking about?
*What can my spouse do for me? OR *What can I do for my spouse?
*How were you talking?
*respectfully? OR *disrespectfully?
*Were you encouraging OR *discouraging?
Okay, how about the last time you were in their presence.
Did you initiate physical touch? *kiss them hello or goodbye? *reach out and take their hand? *give a friendly bum slap?
*Did you express love and appreciation?
*Did you look for a way to help or serve them?
*Did you listen or do all the talking?

We live in a world that is really good at placing blame on other people. It is all too easy to do this in our own lives. In the end though what other people do is not what we are responsible for. We are responsible for what we do.
What are YOU doing to make your marriage stronger?
What are YOU doing to love and support your spouse?
I am in no way saying that this is always easy, especially because we are trained in the world we live in to absolve responsibility for our actions if we were wronged first.
But, we do follow the Savior Jesus Christ and He has shown us a better way, the only way. To take the higher road. Not the easiest way all the time.
He has also taught to forgive. Forgive your spouse and forgive YOURSELF. If the answers to these questions were not what you wanted that is not the issue any more. Now the issue is, what will you do about it.
This is an eye opening apple. I hope you do it. I hope we all consistently do it and then do better. That's the idea right?
What questions would you add to this list? What new years resolutions do you have set to help better your marriage?

on your mark...

2011-12-28T10:05:00.000-08:00

get set, get ready! That's my apple for the day! I have enjoyed relaxing a bit too much these last couple of days. Today I'm going to actually do my hair! Look out! :)
Even though we are having homemade pizza for dinner, I am going to put goblets on the table. What the heck, I am declaring today a special occasion. Because I said so!

What are you going to do?

Do your math

2011-12-27T07:46:00.000-08:00

One day while making dinner I heard our two year old crying, the sound was getting closer so I knew he was coming upstairs. I also knew that whatever had happened was my older sons fault because I knew they were playing rough down stairs.
They slowly appeared at the top of the stairs, Ben comforting Josh and and Josh crying. I looked at this scene and the thought came to me, "add to the good you see, don't add to the negative". This was and is an inspired thought. I had two choices, I could have said, "what did you do?!" and flipped out and I could have said, "thank you for helping and comforting your brother, would you like to tell me what happened?"
Since this afternoon I have thought about this. Knowing the little I do about math, I know that 2+2=4 and that 2-2=0 and that if you keep subtracting, you get negatives. The same is true in our relationships and interactions.
This does not mean that we don't discuss the negative we see, we just need to do it when we aren't mad and in a positive way.

You may wonder.

2011-12-22T19:08:00.001-08:00

where the heck I've been this month and well, you might not. :) I am not exactly sure to be honest. :)
I just thought I would check in though and fill you in on what life looks like, well a little peak at least.
I think I've been in denial that it is actually December. I might have dragged my feet a bit in my Christmas time preparations. Yeah, dragged is a good word.
We are almost done though and that's a relief to say!

When life gets busy I really try hard to remember an apple a day. It has been harder than I had planned to post about them though.
Zach is busy in December with work and then Scouts and I am up to my chin in everything else. It is nice to have things to do.
When things get crazy I'm doing good to get one note, maybe two, a week in a lunch for Zach. On days (like today) that I am relieved he is home so I can go lay down; I take a deep breath and kiss him for as long as he'll let me or until we both burst into laughter at our children's comments. :)
I need to do better at just asking for what I need and not hinting at it. :) And also getting to bed at a decent hour so I don't have headaches and I am actually okay with getting up in the morning!
With all we have going on, we are enjoying hot chocolate, cuddles by the fire and stories with the kids by candle light.
I really do love this time of year!

What have your apples been lately?

Now, more than ever

2011-12-21T11:19:00.000-08:00

In a family and especially in a marriage, all of us need to realize and do our best to remember that not a single person is perfect. Give each other the benefit of the doubt and then ADD ONTO THAT WHICH IS GOOD. THERE IS GOOD IN EVERY ONE!

I have had years that Zach hasn't given me what I've wanted for Christmas or something happened that disappointed me -that stuff happens. Just as quick as those thoughts come though, lets look at what they did do, the memories that were made. Is this something we'll laugh about later? Can we laugh now? Enjoy each other.
At least you have each other to be with! How many loved ones are apart at Christmas?! Live in the moment and relish it!

shocker...okay not really

2011-12-12T10:07:00.000-08:00

You know, I was talking to a friend the other day (this is not the shocker part. :)) and she mentioned how crazy it was to her that young couples that get married these days are not aware that marriage can be hard. They get married thinking it is all one big party. -that their spouse will always be kind, thoughtful, take them to fancy places and they will always be in good health and have enough money!

Well, aren't they in for a shocker! :)

Some readers of this blog might get the idea that I think this way. That when married you can always be kind, thoughtful...etc.

To be honest, some of my views of marriage are always changing. There are some that remain constant. Life changes and so do the things Zach and I have to deal with. Somethings are a breeze and with one wink and one smile, we are good.. then there are those other things that are not so breezy. :) They take a little more effort to work through. And really, we might be working for longer than we even realize.

I don't know how to work with a spouse that doesn't want to work with me. Zach does. He listens and is a great support...even when I do stupid things, he has my back.

One thing is for sure though, I am an advocate for marriage. I would choose to be married over and over again. I love being married. I would much rather go through this life with Zach by my side than alone. I am grateful that up to this point I have been granted this great and wonderful blessing. It is just that. A blessing.

My view of marriage is this: It is worth fighting for!!!

Happy Monday!

My apple for today is to make sure Zach knows that being married to him is a blessing.

What's yours?

It's Friday!!

2011-12-09T15:20:00.000-08:00

It's Friday! I hope you do something fun with your family and especially your spouse tonight!

Even though this is a busy time of year, try and make sure you do those things that slow you down...like taking pictures, saying please and thank you and watching the faces of those around you.

Have a great weekend!

Today

2011-12-06T08:01:00.000-08:00

is Tuesday. It's looking good. cold. but good.

I think for my apple today I will write a few notes and put them about the house. Love notes and perhaps an invitation to a desert date and a game after the kids are snoozing.

What are you going to do?

Now would be a good time

2011-12-04T20:36:00.000-08:00

to make a list of all the great things you would like to do this month and mark it down! It seems if I don't write it down, I forget, if we don't make it a priority, it won't happen.

This habit is essential in the blessed time of year! So, get out your calendar, get out your bank statement and figure out how much money you have and what you are gonna do!

I love, love, love December! Here's to a lot of time snuggling by the fire, and enjoying as many sights and sounds we can!...without the exhaustion, contention and chaos. Good goals huh?

What do you enjoy the most about this time of year?

Who won you ask?

2011-12-02T10:00:00.000-08:00

Can you tell Zach is excited?! (not to show you his food, just to find out who won? :))

Yesterday was really the big announcement day...and I made you wait. Sorry 'bout that.

Can I just say how grateful I am for you? It has been interesting to say the least, to write this blog. Not knowing what the reader is thinking when they read each post is like speaking to a totally expressionless audience. I very much appreciate thoughts, ideas and encouragement from you!

Without further a due, the seriously lucky winner is...I mean winners are! :

behoxer said...

I like the list idea, Becca. Another simple thing I do is just try to put myself in his shoes for a minute. There's not much to it, but it works.

kate said...

good stuff, becca. those moments are tough, for sure. but we sure are blessed with some super guys!

kkupfer said...

Done and Done! Love ya Becca Its funny how this month you have been talking about gratitude, did I tell you that's what Kevin likes to hear.

Are you doing a victory dance right now? :)

Thanks for your comments you guys! These are examples of great comments that really do help! Keep them coming and I'll see if I can't keep getting more books! :) Leave a comment and let me know if you have a copy of "An Eight -Cow Woman Deserves an Eight-Cow Man" by Tracy Lyn Cutler, "Love that Lasts" by Gary and Joy Lundberg or "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

I will send one of the books you don't have! Oh and email me your address. :)

some days...

2011-11-30T07:05:00.000-08:00

you see your spouse a lot and other days you really don't. those are the days you just do the best you can to make the most of the time you have.

the last few days have been that way for Zach and I.

yesterday I thought about what Nephi said a lot...."and it came...to pass."

Remembering that seasons/times in my life won't last forever somehow makes it easier to keep going.

I do have to say I LOVED this apple that Zach did for me the other day. I was doing the dinner dishes and he came up beside me and said "can I take over?", "do you want to go read or something?" I couldn't help but grin! "heck yeah!" I was thinking. :)

Although you have minimal time sometimes, there is still always time for kindness and courtesy.

Hope that gives you an idea for an apple today. :)

last day!

2011-11-29T08:29:00.000-08:00

well, it is the last day of the month! I hope you are more grateful than when the month began! :) I also hope that as we embark on Christmas traditions and gift giving and receiving, that we will be even more grateful! We have SO. MUCH.

Anything you would like to say about that? I will announce the winner for the comment contest tomorrow. :)

The apple for the day is: pull out your calendar, ask your spouse out for a Christmas date and mark it down!

I am grateful.

2011-11-28T07:36:00.000-08:00

Here are the top ten reasons why I am grateful to be married!

10. Zach lets me put my cold feet on him at night. :)

9. When the going gets rough we have each other.

8. We can divide and conquer.

7. Zach brings Priesthood blessings to our family and home.

6. Zach supports me in my {sometimes crazy} endeavors.

5. I can support and encourage him and help him succeed.

4. We can have an eternal family.

3. We take care of each other.

2. He is my best friend and confidant. (he's pretty nice to have around. :))

1. It's FUN!

Have you done this before? It is harder than it looks. (not coming up with 10 things, but narrowing it down!) You should give it a try. :) These are good things to dwell on!

There is your apple!

you know what?

2011-11-27T19:21:00.000-08:00

Lately I have enjoyed searching for talks on marriage on lds.org. Okay, I've always enjoyed this but lately I've been reading and listening to older ones. Tonight I found THIS ONE by Elder Haight from 1984. I have noticed a common theme in the talks I've read and it is in the first line of this quote.

"It would seem that a major underlying cause of divorce is in not understanding that marriage and families are God-given and God-ordained. If we understood the full meaning we would have less divorce and its attendant unhappiness. Couples would plan for a happy marriage relationship based on divine instruction. If couples understood from the beginning of their romance that their marriage relationship could be blessed with promises and conditions extending into the eternities, divorce would not even be a considered alternative when difficulties arise. The current philosophy—get a divorce if it doesn’t work out—handicaps a marriage from the beginning."

We need to study in the scriptures and go to the Temple often. We are BOMBARDED on every side with false doctrine that counters this. If we want to "let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly" then we need to fill our minds with this doctrine and anything that supports it!

Another quote.

"Our concern is not just that media producers and writers don’t portray happy, fruitful marriage, but that many married couples don’t take their marriages seriously enough—to work at them, protect them, nurture them, cultivate them day in and day out, week in and week out, yearlong, quarter-century long, half-a-century long, forever."

Okay, so I could ramble off a bit about this because I am all about "an apple a day" but seriously, if we are going to just take what is dished and not "seek out and promote that which is uplifting and happy and decent", then we will have a difficult time keeping our heads straight!

One more quote.

"Marriage is sustained by faith and knowledge of its divine establishment, and is sustained daily by the energy of love. A wise man explained, “When the satisfaction or the security of another person becomes as significant to one as one’s own satisfaction and security then the state of love exists.” (Harry Stack Sullivan, Concepts of Modern Psychiatry, 2d ed. New York: W. W. Norton and Co., 1961, p. 42.)"

I am so grateful to be married!

Happy THANKSgiving!!!

2011-11-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

The apple for the day is: remember to take pictures! ...not just of the food but of your family. AND get a picture of you and your spouse!!! Yes, ask someone to take it.

Enjoy this wonderful holiday.

Oh good.

2011-11-22T20:00:00.000-08:00

it is still November and it is still legal to post pictures of pumpkins. :)

i do enjoy it when my children take cute pictures of Zach and I. It does make me happy.

Yes, we are improving our pumpkin carving skills one year at a time. It would help if we carved them more than once a year really.

okay, yeah. busy time of year...already. no, this week has not run away with me...exactly but gosh it feels busy.

in all the busy of business I think saying thanks really feels the best. when I say thank you and really mean it. i feel good. i feel like i slow down for a bit and i feel refreshed. do you know what i mean?

have you called your spouse and told them thank you for something specific they did or are currently doing? you should. there is your apple.

since gratitude is in style and all...

2011-11-20T20:18:00.000-08:00

You might have the tradition of summing up all your blessings in one document at the end of the year and storing it away...on your blog, in your journal or something. and then again, you might not.

Tonight I was writing a Christmas letter to send to my brother in Norway. I got kind of carried away telling him all the ways we have been blessed and well, I quite liked writing it all!

So, I thought I'd submit the idea to you. I have written Zach and our kids letters and given them on Christmas but I thought I would write them all a letter this year for Thanksgiving. Another idea that we have done and are currently doing is a gratitude book. It is a three ring binder and we all draw pictures of things we are grateful for to put in it. I love the Spirit I feel when we do it all together.

I am feeling the holiday rush right now so I am headed off to plan my week so it doesn't run away with me! I hope your week is wonderful!!!

so, did you go on a date? we did! Logan Temple, lunch at Arby's and a quick trip to Walmart. :) We also watched Midway to Heaven. Have you seen that?! I cried and laughed. Good show!

What did you do?

It's Friday!

2011-11-18T10:18:00.001-08:00

Go on a date!!! Make it happen. Call a friend, see if they want to swap for tonight or tomorrow sometime. You can do it...even for an hour!

How is your gratitude quest coming? Do you feel more grateful? Zach and I have a standing list we are adding to of our blessings. It is nice to see it growing. :)

I hope your weekend rocks!

text some love

2011-11-16T12:26:00.000-08:00

The apple of the day is: send your spouse a sweet text. . . tell them they are a hottie and you can't wait to see and kiss their face. :) (just an idea...:))

"Happiness runs...

2011-11-15T08:06:00.000-08:00

...in a circular motion, life is just a little boat upon the sea. Everybody is a part of anything anyway. You can be happy if you let yourself be."

So I was standing in the shower and letting the water hit the top of my head. I slowly put my head down so the water would hit the back of my neck. It was weird but when my head was up, the water was soft and quiet but as I put my head down it got louder and harder on my neck. You know what came to my mind? The conference talk "It's better to look up!". It was a hard day and that's why I was taking forever in the shower all the while Sarah was drawing with marker all over legs and Josh was sleeping on the floor...:)

I don't know how many of you use Google reader but I put ideas on the top of the blog for additional apples to do...so here are last weeks. :)

*buy them a little somethin', like a CD or a key chain, *go to bed when they do *doodle on your love notes, with hearts and kiss the paper with lipstick, *show support for what they are doing by not complaining. *dance

Hope your day is awesome!

a new beat...

2011-11-14T08:11:00.000-08:00

You know when something in life just gets thrown at you and you think to yourself, "okay, this will be different."? Could be, job change, new calling, family challenges due to illness or lasting contention, sudden decision to go back to school, kids (really anything that has to do with them. :))...etc.

I like to think of these times as seasons in our lives. The way I see it is it's a new song or a new beat that we need to learn how to dance to-together.

There have been a few moments within the last few months that I have thought the above phrase. Specifically when we lost Lily there were a few times when I was scared. Scared because I realized how differently Zach and I were dealing with things and I felt us pulling apart. Yeah, last thing both of us wanted but we didn't really know what to do.

The KEY has been communication. We both admitted to each other that we felt the distance increase and we didn't like it. But because we have talked about it and prayed for help, the distance decreases. Not that it doesn't try to creep back in though. But we keep coming back together and keep trying to learn this new dance.

Do you relate? Did this make sense?

talking about gratitude...

2011-11-13T07:30:00.000-08:00

This TALK is a good read. That's all. :)

11-11-11

2011-11-11T08:10:00.000-08:00

Since it is a special day, you should make-out. :) No wait, I should!

don't stop until you feel better!

2011-11-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

So, I am not a husband basher and Zach is not a wife basher...so we get along. :)

But since this is the case I don't put everything on this blog. You should know though, that me and Zach aren't perfect. :) I know, shocker! :)

Sometimes things are just off, could be me, could be him. When it is both of us, neither of us really know what to do. :)

Yesterday was one of those days. We were both off and we didn't know why. I was doing the dishes and he was reading to the kids or something and I was huffing and puffing. All the while, thinking to myself, "get a grip!", "what's wrong with you?", "think of all the things he DOES do Becca!". Okay, you should know I REALLY tried to think this through and get myself out of my "well if he would...." state.

Finally I decided I had best stop thinking and start writing because I am much more focused when I am writing.

So, the apple/suggestion for when times go like this: grab a notebook/ piece of paper, pen and start writing all the things you are grateful for about your spouse and don't stop until you feel better. Yes, the negative will come to mind, if you need to, say a prayer first and then don't let the negative things stay, only write the positive.

It is amazing the change that comes when we are grateful. Powerful thing.

"My brothers and sisters, do we remember to give thanks for the blessings we receive? Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God’s love."-President Monson

What do you do to get out of your "well if he/she would..."state of mind?

free for comments! :)

2011-11-08T08:01:00.000-08:00

This week, this book arrived at my house and I have to say, I am EXCITED to give it away! Gary and Joy are awesome! They inspire me with their wisdom. This book will be a wonderful addition to your marriage books worth reading again and again!

I am going to give it away to the best commenter for the month! I do have other books but I am not going to promise them to you...yet. :)

Sometimes commenting doesn't come easy so hopefully this will give you the motivation you needed!

Also, check out the Lundberg's site, they have some articles worth your reading!

schedule your apples!

2011-11-07T06:39:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd try something different this week and give you some apples in a bunch...that way you can schedule them into your week and be sure to do one a day!

*send them an email or text with something you are grateful for of what they did that morning or something about who they are. Doesn't have to be serious. It could be, "thanks for taking out the garbage this morning" or "I am so grateful for your nice muscles! They are such HUGE a blessing!":)

*while eating dinner go around the table and say what you are grateful for that day.

*mail a card to their office-funny or serious expressing gratitude.

*spend a special time with your spouse and just talk. if they need coaxing then make a treat or play a card game while you talk.

*ask them if you can do anything to help them this week or during that day.

*cook a favorite meal, call them and tell them what you made and that you made it just for them

*initiate love making. it seems like things just go better around here when...well, never mind. :) Anyway, love them like they want to be loved.

Have a great week!

my quest for more gratitude...

2011-11-06T19:34:00.000-08:00

One thing that has helped me on my quest to more gratitude is listening to talks on gratitude at lds.org! I have much enjoyed it. I listened to THIS ONE by Sister Bonnie Parkin who I love and found it quite insightful. I only listened to it, the video wouldn't work for me, but I listened while I did dishes so I just needed sound.

What have you been doing to help you be more grateful?

grateful meal...

2011-11-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

The apple for the day:

try tonight, tomorrow...the next meal you have together, having a grateful meal. You can always embellish the table and create a special atmosphere but the most important thing at the table (next to the food and your family) will be a little note by every plate that says why you are grateful for each person.

I am going to do this several times this month. I am also thinking of giving everyone an opportunity to write the notes or draw the pictures for the cards. You know, let everyone pick a night/day for their grateful meal. If you want you can let them pick what is for dinner.

What have you been doing to show you are grateful?

I organized my craft room/Zach's home office yesterday! woot! I, so should have taken before and after pictures. It was a project!

Gratitude MONTH!!!

2011-11-01T12:57:00.000-07:00

I love having this blog! I think about my marriage more than I would without it! (should I have admitted that? :))

One thing I have decided is that gratitude can solve A. LOT. of our problems!

From President Monson:

"How can we cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude? President Joseph F. Smith, sixth President of the Church, provided an answer. Said he: “The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil. Love overpowers jealousy, and light drives darkness out of his life.” He continued: “Pride destroys our gratitude and sets up selfishness in its place. How much happier we are in the presence of a grateful and loving soul, and how careful we should be to cultivate, through the medium of a prayerful life, a thankful attitude toward God and man!”

A grateful heart, then, comes through expressing gratitude to our Heavenly Father for His blessings and to those around us for all that they bring into our lives. This requires conscious effort—at least until we have truly learned and cultivated an attitude of gratitude. Often we feel grateful and intend to express our thanks but forget to do so or just don’t get around to it. Someone has said that “feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

How will you express your gratitude this month?

Here are some ideas.

*Start a gratitude journal. Write in it EVERYDAY! Focus on things about your spouse that you are grateful for or things they have done. -give it to them at the end of the month or at the end of every week. OR send it with them to work or leave it on their pillow the next day.

*Show your gratitude by taking care of what you have. (in my case I can work harder at home to have a clean organized house to show Zach I am grateful for his hard work in providing for our family. I just polished my wedding ring. :)))

I have some books to give away....but this time I am going to give them to those who comment often! Happy Gratitude month!! It's time to get grateful!

a question...

2011-10-31T08:01:00.000-07:00

What are you doing to make your marriage better?/stronger?/happier?

I love these questions and others like them because it puts the responsibility where it should be. It doesn't matter what your spouse is doing. You won't be held responsible for that anyway. What am I doing? Good question! Answer it!

I am convinced that a daily attitude of appreciation and service for your spouse is what makes a happy marriage.

I hope this is a start of a great week for you! Happy Halloween!

not a word...

2011-10-27T07:46:00.000-07:00

The apple for the day is: when your spouse or you get home for the day just walk right up to them with a sweet, seductive, or some other [nice] look on your face and kiss them!-a nice one!

Enjoy! :)

need a date for this weekend?

2011-10-26T07:55:00.000-07:00

If you live in Northern Utah you should consider THIS and if you don't then you should carve a pumpkin too. :)

Do you usually do something for Halloween? What? I don't like all the candy, I wish everyone gave out fruit and nuts. :)

Did you ever do that date where you made a menu with spooky/weird names for things and you place your order without knowing what it is that you are ordering? You could do that with your spouse and the whole family-whichever.

HERE is a link for some menu ideas.

The apple for the day is: get busy planning and do something fun-it can be something you've done before called by a different name but plan and do it!

Bedroom = Torture Chamber (ha ha!)

Massage=

Kiss=

What can you think of?

appropriate interruptions. :)

2011-10-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

The apple for the day is: while talking to your spouse, interrupt yourself and tell them what a hottie they are or how much you love their smile and then keep talking. :) That's all. :)

a pleading...

2011-10-23T07:42:00.000-07:00

The other day I was reading President Monson's talk in the April conference Ensign. This line seriously struck me....

"I plead with you to teach your children of the temple's importance."

One line all by itself and the Prophet is pleading!

And then he continues.

"The world can be a challenging and difficult place in which to live. We are often surrounded by that which would drag us down. As you and I go to the holy houses of God, as we remember the covenants we make within, we will be more able to bear every trial and to overcome each temptation. In this sacred sanctuary we will find peace; we will be renewed and fortified."

There are many blessings that can come to our lives by attending the Temple that we are seriously not aware of. If we are going to teach our children of the importance of the Temple then we had best show them! Telling ourselves we need to go to the Temple more won't do us any good. We need to decide a day and a time and make the arrangements to go and then don't be deterred.

That is the apple. Let's do it!

here's hopin'!

2011-10-21T08:29:00.000-07:00

With this here month being primarily hunting focused Zach and I have been bad at going on dates. I hope you've been better than we have!

Tonight is going to be different though. I am going to set out to find a sitter and we are getting out of this house!

This is what I'm going to do. If we get a sitter we'll go golfing...he'll be shocked. We haven't been golfing in like six years!

If I can't get a sitter then we'll make a campfire at the nearest camp spot for dinner and treats. Tinfoil dinner with our garden potatoes and carrots my mouth is watering!

Either way though I will call him at the office and be totally awkward and ask him on a date. You know what I mean by awkward right? :) I love being awkward. :)

What are you going to do?

"love comes softly"

2011-10-20T07:11:00.000-07:00

have you seen this movie? "love comes softly." what a sweet show! (the previews don't really do it justice but its a start)

i think it shows the secret of the phrase, "I love him/her so much more now than the day we were married". we've all heard that before.

usually those that say that are couples that have worked side by side and have supported and served each other doing simple things each day. that's why i liked this movie so much because it shows how love can grow as we work together, admire each others efforts and take care of each other. the hard times are easier because we have each other to lean on. it illustrates the sweet and real nature of love.

after this movie was over i thought about what my marriage looks like now and how i want it to look. have you thought about that? what will it look like?

the day i watched it i put my two youngest down for naps and had all my laundry ready to fold. after it was over i found myself wanting to be a better wife and mother in a kind of cheesy sort of way. :) but whatever works for motivation right?!

is there a song, movie or a book that motivates you to be better like that?

i'm sick today. i'm hoping Zach comes home from hunting this morning and lets me sleep and watch the Love comes softly series all day. :)

the window...

2011-10-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

So a few weeks ago I went to an awesome Fireside by Sister Virginia Pearce. (President and Sister Hinckley's daughter) It. was. amazing.

Just one of the things I learned was the concept of the mirror and the window.

Let me just say, I am a visual person. If I can visualize a concept then I can remember and apply it so much better. That is why I like this concept so well.

Okay, the concept. :)

When you are thinking about yourself it is like looking into a mirror. When you are thinking about others it is like opening a window and looking out.

So, the morning after the Fireside I said a prayer that I would remember and be able to apply the things I learned the night before.

Zach was late. He told me he'd be home at a certain time and he was late. I had dinner all ready, the kids and I were starving. I went to all this trouble and he was late. etc. etc. :)

then I remember the window. so I open it.

Zach has a lot going on at work. He is working so hard to meet his goals and provide for our family. He picked up Ben from school so I didn't have to. He remembered to pick up bee spray from the store that I asked him to get. AND he is still earlier than normal!

then I say another prayer. please help me to keep the window open!:)

There is the application. I hope the concept makes sense and that you are able to apply it in your life! :)

The End.

Wake-up Call for Couples - Page 4 - Meridian Magazine - LDS, Mormon and Latter-day Saint News and Views

2011-10-18T06:27:00.000-07:00

Meridian Magazine - Wake-up Call for Couples - Page 4 - Meridian Magazine - LDS, Mormon and Latter-day Saint News and Views

Zach and I enjoyed this article. You should too. :)

a new week...

2011-10-17T11:07:00.000-07:00

How was your weekend? Zach got a deer! That's how our weekend was. :)

I have been thinking lately about creating. Isn't it nice when you create something? -something that wasn't there before? I love that feeling!

What can you create in your marriage? Love. Service. Laughter. Understanding.

What comes to your mind?

My apple for the day will be: Pay attention to the funny things the kids say or do, write them down and laugh with Zach later. If they don't do anything funny then I'll find something online to laugh at. :)

What are you going to do today?

Good readins for the winna!

2011-10-14T19:05:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to....

Kara said...

I would love this book. My husband and I have never read it, but I really, really want to (and I know he'd read it with me, lol).

My apple for my husband today will be telling him how much I appreciate all the hard work he does for our family, b/c he really does work so so hard. Maybe I'll even had dinner ready when he gets home from work, lol.

You get a Free copy of The Five Love Languages to your door for your reading pleasure! :)

Just send me an email with your address and phone! (zachandbecca@gmail.com)...and a comment here so we know you saw this! :) Yeehaw!

Oh and you just keep trying on the goal to have dinner ready when your lucky husband gets home! :)

Posted by Becca...:)

Want to hear something cool?!

2011-10-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

Okay good! Cause I'm excited!

I contacted Gary Chapman and he had his staff send me some free copies of his book The Five Love Languages!!! Doesn't that rock?

Do you have a copy of this book? You should! It's a goodie.

How would you like one?

Okay. Why would you like it? Leave a comment with your answer AND an Apple you will do for your spouse today. I'll announce the winner on Friday the 14th.

I hope you win. :)

Oh, and a question. Have you noticed the "Apples to try" on the top of this blog?

"come back"

2011-10-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time when I was a new mother I read a lot of books about children, schedules, etc. Well, I remember reading that a schedule is like an elastic. You establish the schedule and then when you go on vacation or you have a lot going on and it gets screwed up, or stretches like an elastic, you come home and get back into your schedule just like the elastic comes back to it's regular shape.

I've been thinking about how marriage is kind of like that. Life gets hard, busy, etc. We get stretched out and sometimes distant with each other. When it is minor we don't really notice it and then all of a sudden we realize we aren't talking as much, flirting as much and flat out aren't enjoying our time together as much. The key is to clue in on the things that help us "come back" to our original shape.

Zach and I talked about this the other night. There are things that help us "come back" that make a huge difference.

The biggest one is praying together every night holding hands. This helps us come back in a powerful way.

Other things on the list are:

*going on a date

*going to the Temple

*going for a walk

*playing a game together

*doing a project together

*a quality conversation without distractions -no phones, t.v. or children

It seems the more we do of the above things, other things come more naturally. Things like notes in his lunch, a hug and a kiss when he comes home, flirting, laughing, and general enjoyment being together.

What are some things you do that help you and your spouse "come back" together?

oh gosh!

2011-10-03T06:26:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that last post! Yes, there was good stuff but it just seemed negative.

Sorry about that.

I really shouldn't have posted that day. Zach and I have both been having a hard time lately with different things and some things we share. It has seemed like we have been on a teeter totter. One day he is up and helping me when I'm down and then the next day he's down. Man oh man we are having a ride! :)

Thank goodness we have conference and inspired leaders! It was interesting to sit down last night and talk about everything with our notes in front of us and be able to apply the things we heard right then. We are SO blessed to have the restored gospel and wonderful leaders who are willing to sacrifice so much of themselves to lead. So blessed.

Anyway, I hope this week is a wonderful week for you! I hope you spend a minute everyday admiring your spouse. That's the best. :)

having a hard time?

2011-09-26T15:43:00.000-07:00

is your spouse having a hard time? don't make it worse, make it better. encourage them. leave them notes and do favors for them without complaining. If you can, laugh.

sometimes when life is hard we "know the Lord will help us" but we don't ask. ASK! Ask for the help you and your spouse need. Act like you believe that help will come. Pray throughout the day for your spouse and then make a point to listen to the promptings you receive.

for a change

2011-09-22T06:44:00.000-07:00

Going out this weekend? Well, you should. We all should.

Call some friends and swap. You watch their kids Friday, and they can watch your kids sometime on Saturday. or call your mom or sibling or something. Plan that date!

Don't have any money? Sure you do! Empty your pockets of all your change or grab your coin jar. Do a date with what you've got in change. (unless you have a huge jar and you're saving for something else-use part of it, not all of it!) So what if you end up window shopping or eating penny candy outside the hardware store! Go to the park and throw around a frisbee or hit a local art exhibit..that's free of course. :)

What else can you do with change?

so we all have a sign hanging around our necks...

2011-09-21T06:35:00.000-07:00

...it says "make me feel good about myself". Did you know that?

When I imagine that about someone I am so much nicer to them.

Don't you love being around people who are nice to you? Who make you feel like you are awesome, funny, cool, spiritual, crafty, good looking, talented, funny? (yes, I said that twice. :))

The apple for the day is: imagine that sign around your spouses neck. Ready, go.

before you say an angry word

2011-09-17T07:26:00.000-07:00

The other day while practicing my piano skills I ran into some good marriage advice in the Primary song book. I linked it HERE.

Did you ever learn the song, "Hum your favorite HYMN"? I totally remember learning it in Primary. Oh the things we remember. :)

Anyway, the whole song is good advice but I especially like the second verse.

"Before you say an angry word, remember you'll regret it For once it's said the harm is done and some folks won't forget it. "

"Just hum your favorite HYMN sing out with vigor and vim and you will find it clears your mind, hum your favorite HYMN."

Sometimes I think we make life too complicated. There are simple truths and simple things that will help us not make silly mistakes. Pick a Hymn, learn the words and sing it instead of saying something you'll regret.

Another reason why I think it's a great idea to have a Hymn in mind that we sing often is because "The song of the righteous is a prayer unto me.." and we've been commanded to "pray always". So sing out with vigor and vim! :)

peace...

2011-09-14T07:22:00.000-07:00

I really, really like the book The Peacegiver. You should read it-if you want to...never mind, you really should read it!

It is probably the best marriage/relationship book I've read-seriously. The author, James Ferrell uses the scriptures to help the reader understand the Atonement and how it really can "heal our hearts and homes".

It is about time for me to re-read it. Even though I read it a good 2 years ago, I still think about it. I make different choices because of what this book taught me...well, sometimes. :)

This book helped me to realize something. Comparing and competing have no place in any of our relationships. We are not going to be held responsible for the choices our spouse makes. We will be accountable for our own.

Sometimes we fall short, we all do. What matters is how we, individually, respond to these situations-whether we fall short or someone else does.

Anyway, read that book and then tell me how much you loved it!

remember the beginning?

2011-09-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

Last week I mentioned what happens in the beginning. I am a believer (and I actually think I heard somewhere) that if the first five minutes of your day or first interaction with someone is sour-that's a preview of how the rest of the day will be. Yes, I've posted this before. It is something I need to remember so I'm posting it again.

So, the apple for the day is: start your day off with kind words. welcome your spouse home with a hug and a super. long. nice. kiss. And if something is on your mind that must be discussed, do it later. Make your first words nice words. Pay attention to the first five minutes and treat it carefully. Laugh, be understanding, appreciative, sweet...what else would you add to that list? What helps to make your time together better?

Here's to a good week. ;)

why is that sweet?

2011-09-11T07:02:00.000-07:00

(so I heard that sugar feeds depression. I don't know if that's true-like clinically proven kind of true, but it makes sense. So I decided to stop eating it when I crave it and just save it for an occasional desert after a meal and eat nuts, fruits and veggies instead. :).)

So I am pretty sure that the idea of a treat sounded a lot better to me after I decided to stop eating so much of them. What is that about anyway? Can't appreciate a good thing til' it's gone eh?

Today is a day that fills me with many emotions. I can remember how I felt when I heard President Bush on the radio and he told us all to pray, to come together and not apart like they want us to. And how I felt about my freedom. It meant so much more. Much, much more.

Yes, I am patriotic, I love sweets, I'm going to eat better and all of this does relate to marriage. :)

When Zach is going out of town or going to be super busy at work, or going hunting, I miss him. The thought of these things makes me miss him. That's why thinking about the future makes me appreciate the present. All in all though, gratitude is a key attitude. We must learn how to appreciate what we have! Food, Freedom and Family.

How do we really show we are grateful for these things and the many, many other things we have? How?

I feel grateful when I pray about it. When I hold Zach's hand and thank my Father in Heaven for him. I feel grateful when I write Zach a note or write in my journal about him. I feel grateful when Zach is not at dinner with us but I tell the kids how much I appreciate their dad.

Today is a good day to express gratitude. We are so blessed. There is your apple. :)

perspective is kind of funny

2011-09-09T07:28:00.000-07:00

Have you seen The Soul Surfer movie? Super good. I would totally recommend it!

There is a part where the girls mentor is talking about perspective. Sometimes life happens and for one reason or another we can only see part of the picture. We don't know exactly what is going on, why or how it is affecting us. We need each other, people!

Is there something your spouse could help you with?

(now, let me just say that sometimes your spouse isn't the one with the answers. sometimes they want to help though. let them try! if they don't want to help then talk to someone that does. The reason I say this is because sometimes I want/need to talk longer than Zach -being a man- can listen. I can appreciate that and even respect that and call my sisters or my mom!)

Anyway, I've just been thinking a lot lately about how we need each other. We need our spouse. We aren't always strong at the same time and it isn't easy to be the strong one. A line I love from the movie is "I don't need easy, I just need possible". Knowing what we know about Jesus Christ and His Atonement it is possible with Him. Lean on Him when it is hard. Don't just think about it. I often want to do everything on my own but leaning is still an action word.

I guess there is a fruit bowl of apples in this post. :) If this doesn't really apply to where you are right now, then watch the movie for your apple!

Who does that?

2011-09-07T06:48:00.000-07:00

I'm Thirty? Who does that? Not me! I'm not old enough to be THIRTY!

Somebody pinch me. Never mind. :)

I know my apple for the day...get my hair done and go on a sweet date with my man! Yeah baby!

What is your apple for today? I would really love to know!

Heaven on Earth

2011-09-06T06:11:00.000-07:00

I read THIS talk by Elder Hales the other day and it is SO, SO GOOD. I especially liked the reminder he gave that "marriage is not a crutch. We are climbing a mountain together" and it is not Zach's job to climb all the way up and when all is comfortable, pull me to the top.

We are in this together! Great talk. Oh, it's from September's Ensign but just in case I linked it so you can read or listen to it online.

There is your apple for the day.

In the beginning...RESERVED

2011-09-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

Well if the Bible talks about "the beginning" so often then well, maybe what happens in the beginning is important. In the beginning, there was a plan and the plan was carried out.

It is the beginning of a new month. School just started and schedules are reinstated. It's the perfect time to pull out the calendar and RESERVE the days we want as a couple, family, etc. Mostly as a couple though-(this is a marriage blog :))

How many dates do you want out of the house?...with a babysitter? Do you want to go to the Temple? The R.S. meeting is this month(I know this isn't a couple thing but I'm super excited so Zach should be too!) What else do you want to do? Daddy daughter dates, Mother son, Family outings? Put it on the calendar and start calling the sitters! There is your apple!

It's going to be a great month! I love this time of year!!!

"He Is" by Hilary Weeks

2011-09-04T07:01:00.000-07:00

He is. This song speaks to me right now. It is my prayer today that I will DO something about what I know. That I will let what I know change my heart and make me better. How blessed we are.

Seasons change.

2011-09-02T06:52:00.000-07:00

Marriage is a lot like buying a house. When the seasons change you get surprised by what comes with it. Sometimes flowers pop up without you planting them and sometimes weeds do too.

Our job is to enjoy the flowers and work together to take care of the weeds.

Lets just remember the life is hard. Be kind to each other. Some days it feels like that is all you've got.

The apple for the day is: take a walk together. Enjoy the cooler weather or take a water bottle if it isn't cool yet. Hold hands and tell your spouse something you appreciate about them. -the walk doesn't have to be long, just go. Happy Friday. :)

the wind

2011-08-24T07:18:00.000-07:00

When thinking about what and how to start posting again the phrase, "I've had the wind knocked out of me" came to my mind. Although it doesn't really do it justice, it sort of does feel like that. When the wind is knocked out of you, you usually aren't expecting what is coming.

Yeah, I wasn't expecting this.

On the 10th I went to my appointment with my midwife. Just four weeks before we heard a good strong heartbeat. She put her instrument on my stomach and we couldn't hear a heartbeat. 20 weeks and 6 days and heartbroken.

The next day we went in for an ultrasound and had it confirmed that our baby girl had passed away.

It all seems like a blur and there are moments I am not sure all of this even happened.

We went in on Monday to deliver and she was born 31 hours later on Tuesday August 16th. We named her Lily Rebecca. She was 9 inches long and 9.9 ounces. We have a new respect for life and the true miracle that it is.

We feel blessed, we feel sad, we feel lost, we feel angry, we feel hope, we feel love....etc, etc, etc. I am honestly amazed at how I can feel all these emotions and then some, in just one minute.

Zach and I are not used to the walking roller coaster of a wife I've been lately. I laugh so easily and cry so easily. I leave the room when I want to and I feel that my tact of mind and mouth is slipping. :)

On Monday morning before we left for the hospital, I opened my scriptures up to Ether. I love the story of the brother of Jared. The two verses I read were so fitting and a wonderful reminder to me that I am not in charge. Ether 2:23,24.

This journey that has begun because of Lily is one I never thought I'd take. It is hard. I am so, so grateful that I have Zach by my side and so many around me to help, love and support-both from this side of the veil and the other.

ASAP

2011-08-23T11:54:00.000-07:00

As soon as you get home today, or the very first moment you see your spouse next - don't say anything, just run over to them, literally and give them a big kiss on the lips. How did they react? I bet they like it. Remember - don't wait, do it ASAP as soon as you see them next no matter where you are. Leave a comment with how they responded....please.

It's paradise

2011-08-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

Go on a date! The weather is nice!

Borrow someone's roller blades if you don't have some!

take a bike ride to get some ice cream. -sit on a curb and eat it.

Give yourself a budget of five dollars and buy dinner and dessert at the store with it. Better that, split up in the store, take your own carts and meet in the front and ask a random passerby which dinner and dessert sounds better to them and buy that one!

go out in your front yard and toss the Frisbee or the football, then eat Popsicle and talk about your favorite past time when you were kids.

Aw dates, we should do them more!

a little extra...

2011-08-11T07:50:00.000-07:00

You know those times your spouse is rubbing your feet, your back or whatever and you wish they would do it forever?

The apple for the day is: do what your spouse loves and just when you are getting tired of doing it but they are enjoying themselves...keep going for a little bit longer. You can do it. :)

a happier you

2011-08-09T11:40:00.000-07:00

The apple for the day is: make your bed!

I read somewhere the other day that your sleep improves when you make your bed. I know I'm a happier person when I get some good sleep and if a happy me doesn't improve my marriage...I don't know what does! :)

what else makes you happy? or what is that thing that if it isn't done, makes you crazy? (like clutter, that's mine. If it's organized clutter that's better.)

oh that's funny...

2011-08-08T07:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life can just be serious. I don't know how I really manage to be serious with three kids but I do. I have to work a little harder and remembering to laugh.

So, the apple for the day is: find something to laugh about with your spouse. Consider purchasing a joke book. (Abraham Lincoln read a joke a day) Or spend some time on YouTube and listen to kids laughing. There is always THIS one that I find quite comical.

What do you do to break up the ordinary and get a good laugh with your spouse?

note to self.

2011-07-30T07:58:00.001-07:00

Note to self: if you have a child who can read, watch what you write on your bathroom mirror with dry erase marker.

Yeah, note to self. :)

what helps?

2011-07-27T07:07:00.000-07:00

So the other day I had accomplished "things". I know I did.

Then afternoon hit. Me and the kids ate early because they were "starving".

The house was a disaster. -dishes everywhere, clutter everywhere. the kids were driving me and each other nuts.

Zach was late.

I gave each child their designated area and activity and I found a couch and parked it.

Then I got a text.

"great day at the office. see you in 27 minutes.....and i CANNOT wait either. you are my whole world becca nielson-I LOVE YOU!!!"

Wanta know what I did? cleaned the house.

I think I was still sitting on the couch when he got home, but i was reading a book to the kids. He told me I was a "total hottie" when he walked in too. :) ( I had done my hair-rare. )

Interesting what a nicely written text did. He didn't know he was going to come home to an exhausted wife and a messy house. It was like his text gave me the benefit of the doubt...like he knew life was good at home, with me. It motivated me to get off my rear. And he came home to a much better situation.

It just goes to show that kindness does make a difference and a lot of times the person who issued the kindness does benefit too.

The Devils throat.

2011-07-23T19:22:00.000-07:00

I listened to THIS talk by President Faust on my iPod and have listened to it several times since. It was given in the Priesthood session of Conference in 2003 and I never heard it and never read it. I love it! This is is just one quote that I love.

"My dear young friends, there is another great truth that you young men must learn. It is that everything has a price. There is a price to pay for success, fulfillment, accomplishment, and joy. There are no freebies. If you don’t pay the price that is needed for success, you will pay the price of failure. Preparation, work, study, and service are required to achieve and find happiness. Disobedience and lack of preparation carry a terrible price tag. As priesthood holders of this Church, part of the price we need to pay is by living differently from the world. We are the possessors and custodians of these commanding powers which can and do roll back the power of Satan on the earth. With all my heart I urge you to please help us push back the world. We must stand against the wind. Sometimes we must be unpopular and simply say, “This is not right.”"

I think this can directly be applied to marriage. There is a price tag for a great marriage and there is a price tag for a severed one. EVERYTHING HAS A PRICE!!!

Are you going to pay now or later?

of all the apples...

2011-07-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

I am out of my habit of posting...well, that was obvious!

As I sit down ready to type a million "apples" are going through my head and I can't decide on one.

Zach comes home from scout camp today! This girl vacuumed, washed our sheets, made our bed and even scrubbed the kitchen sink! I've spent the last few days at my parents house and so we will all come home to a clean house...which I pretty much love. :)

It has been quite the week without him but I'm glad I wasn't home for most of it because that seems to make it worse for me.

Before he left I cried. I simply said, "don't mind me and my hormones" and cried some more. :) As I look at me from an outside perspective, it is quite comical to see the things that make me cry and what I say when I'm crying. Bless my patient man!

Once upon a time on Thursday's I would post a date idea...

What are you going to do this weekend?

What's important..

2011-07-16T06:41:00.000-07:00

Being sick, lacking energy and the like, have made things interesting to say the least. And because I feel lousy and can't do everything I want to or even intend to it has made me think a lot about what is important and what isn't.

It's important:

*to not blame circumstances for my being grouchy.

*to do the things that help me to stay happy.

*to remember prayer and scriptures can't wait til' I feel better...I need all the help I can get!

*to still give adequate attention to Zach and the kids.

*to be grateful.

*to use the energy I do have doing the best thing.

*to not have too high of expectations. ;)

What would you add to this list?

What to expect...:)

2011-07-13T07:13:00.000-07:00

...when Becca's expecting? A whole month with not a single post!...laundry that stays in the baskets, kids wearing mismatched clothes, dishes left in the sink, and floors that might not have been scrubbed recently. (I'm sparing you the whole list. aren't I nice?)

Yep, we are expecting baby number 4 on Christmas day! Merry Christmas! :) Hopefully I hold true to previous experience and don't have this child on the due date. :) (I'm 17 weeks)

I plan to still post though...just not as often. Most days I'm doing good to keep me and the kids fed and the computer is never even turned on...

All is well though. We are way excited and at this point I am feeling lots better- thank goodness!

5 to 1

2011-06-13T14:08:00.000-07:00

I was going over notes just now from a marriage seminar Zach and I went to a few months back. In one of the classes we went to on celebrating the differences in marriage, Kevin Barlow, M.S., shared a theory that John Gottman has called the 5:1 positive -to-negative interaction ratio. I liken this to the love bank idea.

Basically, "we have found that it all comes down to simple mathematical formula: no matter what style your marriage follows, you must have at least five times as many positive as negative moments together if your marriage is to be stable"

"A lasting marriage results from a couple's ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship."

"For a marriage to have a real staying power, couples need to air their differences"

'Anger only has negative effects in marriage if it is expressed along with criticism or contempt or if it is defensive"

"Research shows that to make a relationship last, couples must become better friends, learn to manage conflict, and create ways to support each other's hopes for the future. "

(These quotes are from Gottman's book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail)

So, how do we resolve conflict? And what are our five or more positives?

Zach and I resolve our conflicts by either agreeing to disagree or arguing until he agree's that I'm right. :)

The positives don't have to be right after you argue, he is just saying that throughout your days, you need to have that type of a ratio. So, Zach comes home and I give him an awesome hello...that counts for two.positives :) I make him his favorite dinner and tell him I made it just for him, and I even wore his favorite shirt, that counts for three. :) I'm done. :) All the other nice things I do are just bonuses. :)

Now, the fact that he calls me during the day and tells me how cool I am and that he loves me even though all he had for lunch today was some soy nuts and an apple...he gets about three points for that. Then, when he comes home and is sweet to me and the kids, he scores the rest and then gets all bonuses for the rest of the night. :)

I guess positive points come from saying I'm sorry, or I see what you mean, you make a good point, or thanks for helping me to understand that or your cute when you're angry...only if they appreciate that comment. :)

So, how do YOU resolve conflict? And what are YOUR five or more positives?

WARNING this is a soap box....

2011-06-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

I was reading a marriage website the other day and saw a post about another website that promotes having an affair! UGH! Their big thing is, "life is short, have an affair". Okay does that even make any sense?!

I have thought of this periodically. Why would this appeal to SO many people?! There are 8.5 million members! CRAZY! (I did not go to the affair promoting site, I don't want to read that crap, I just read about it on the pro marriage site)

So the other day it occurred to me. I realize that idea is completely of the devil but where are the roots? What idea was planted and has been fed for so long to make people think it is okay and even a good thing?

Everyone has heard the saying, "the grass is greener on the other side" right? The other day I remembered a friend telling me of a conversation with some other women in her neighborhood about the characters in Twilight. Okay, not all the characters, just Edward and Jacob, the two main male characters that the main female character has to choose from. Well, one of these girls says, "if an Edward came along I would swoop him up in a heart beat!" What a horrible thing to say and horrible thought to entertain! You've already made your choice! It seems we battle with ingratitude on a regular basis. To be grateful or ungrateful, that is the question.

No wonder so many Prophets, if not all the Prophets talk about the importance of being grateful, developing an "attitude of gratitude"! No wonder.

It is kind of funny because we have all learned in one way or another that the grass really isn't always greener on the other side. There are so many things that go on in others' lives that we have no clue about. I have some talk's by Sheri Dew on CD and one thing that she says is, "I have never met anyone who was happier after they were unchaste, or disloyal or had an affair..." Isn't that the truth?! "Wickedness never was happiness"!

Gosh darn, if life is so short, have an affair with your spouse! Flirt, love, be secretive, call when you shouldn't, leave cute messages, meet them for lunch, make love during the day, go out on dates, meet at a hotel, buy them gifts, adore them, enjoy them etc! Focus where you promised to focus! You promised you would love them forever! Be loyal! Do it! Betcha they love you back and you love it!

What are your thoughts?

Posted by Becca :)

break a sweat doing something you love!

2011-06-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

It has been quite sometime since I made THIS post and I've been thinking about it lately.

We all know life can be hard, marriage can be hard and sometimes you don't want to talk about it!

In the book "Marriage Fitness", Mort Fertel explains the philosophy that you need to "exercise" in marriage, you need to work at it but that sometimes you need to let go or at least not completely focus on the the"hot topics" and enjoy each other.

Trials come. They do, they have or they will. We still need to maintain and strengthen our marriage weather we are having a hard time or not. In his book he talked about a hard time he and his wife went through after they lost a child. They ran from each other. They hid behind work or other pursuits. Then they went to counseling. It was not what they needed. Their relationship was too weak to handle all the issues the counselor wanted to talk about. They needed to get back to the basics before they could face these problems.

That is how he came up with his philosophy of doing things everyday to show your spouse you care and then going on a weekly date and a getaway quarterly.

What has been on my mind lately is basically this. Face up to the hard things, recognize them, talk about them, then focus on enjoying each other, serving each other and loving each other. It is amazing how much nicer talking about the hard things is. Life lessons have to be learned, if they aren't then life will give us another opportunity to learn the same lesson in a different way.

We can help each other and love each other through the rough spots. That is just one reason I love being married. I've just noticed though, that those spots get rougher when we neglect the basic needs of our relationship, spiritually, emotionally, or physically.

I am SO glad I'm married to Zach and that on days that I am so not an attractive wife he still wants to be married to me. :) I am also glad that he is willing to learn right along with me what it takes to make our marriage successful and happy.

What are some ways that you and your spouse work through hard times? What do you love doing together that you both find rejuvenating? How do you assess how you are doing?

The winna'!!!!

2011-05-31T09:32:00.000-07:00

The lucky winner of this awesome giveaway is......:

Rip Curl Mom said...

Oh my gosh it has been like 5 years. We are such slackers! I would love to win this :)

Congratulations! Leave a comment with your email and I'll send you the info! (or you can email me if you don't want to leave your email..)

Thank you to Kathrin Paul Photography for donating this giveaway! Really, THANKS!

Now to all of you of the blessed Tuesday, I hope it is warm where you are and you enjoy the sunshine! Give your love a kiss!

I love long weekends!

2011-05-28T07:14:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was Ben's last day of school so Zach took off work for his end of year program and now he doesn't have to work on Monday!!! This is cause in and of itself for a celebration!

I think all we'll do is go for a hike today, FINALLY plant the garden, visit a few grave sites and go to a family BBQ but it sounds so nice!

I hope you will have a fun weekend! Happy Memorial Day!

Spring Giveaway!

2011-05-25T06:09:00.000-07:00

It's springtime (on the calendar anyway) and Kathrin Paul Photography wants to take YOUR picture! (she took ours and we LOVE them!) To kick off the "photo season" Kathrin is doing a GIVEAWAY! If you are chosen, you will receive:

**Family sitting (up to 20 people)
**2 digital disks with all images

To enter, just leave a comment about when the last time was you had your family picture taken! Don't forget to leave a contact email! I know for some, it has been too long! That will not determine who I choose, I promise to make it random. The deadline to enter will be Monday, May 30th at midnight! Check the blog Tuesday morning to see who the winner is!!

write it down and then do it

2011-05-23T13:09:00.001-07:00

The apple for the day is:

Ask your spouse what some of their favorite things are that you do for them. Write them down. These can be romantic, sweet, fun, spontaneous, etc. The next thing is divide up that list and put them on your calendar to remember to do for them! I know writing things down helps me a TON! Don't let your spouse see it if you don't want to. Every once in a while send them a little note of anticipation that you are going to do one of their favorite things that night or that weekend, etc!

What to expect...

2011-05-20T15:02:00.000-07:00

I know I've said this before but as with all things in life, they must be repeated until we get it. :)

"Frustration is often the result of unmet expectations" Sometimes our spouse doesn't even know they are expected to do something and yet we still might get frustrated. Silly when you think about it. -especially when we consider a fundamental marriage fact- we think differently! And our priorities are sometimes different!

A comical example (and I wasn't mad, just amused. :))

So I've been sick. Sick of being in bed too. The other night I went downstairs and left everything a mess, Zach got the kids into bed and then joined me downstairs. I was watching my fav. "Anne of Green Gables". Love it.

You know what he chose to do? Clean his guns and oil them. :) Hilarious even as I type this. He did do a ton as I described in the last post and I really appreciated it! It is just funny to me because I always (okay, nearly always) clean the kitchen before I go to bed so I start out with a clean kitchen. This night, the kitchen was full of dishes because all me and the kids did all day was put the dishes in the sink. It was a mess. Zach cleaned his guns. :)

Need further proof that we think differently? :)

But I guess it had been on his mind since our ward Father and Son's outing a few weeks ago when he realized it had rained when he went hunting in October and he had never cleaned them. He saw rust on his shotgun and that is never good. So, he saw a movie as the perfect time to sit down and clean his guns. I of course didn't know that is was on his mind until that night. Just funny.

Now the obvious. I couldn't be mad. I didn't even ask him to do anything that day, everything he did was all his idea, from dinner to the kids in bed. All I could be was grateful.

Just because we had our anniversary and Mother's day and I've been sick, I've been thinking about expectations and how important it is to learn to communicate them. It is a habit that is worth the effort. Yes, habit. Talk about what is important to you on this upcoming birthday, Father's Day, Summer, school vacation, Saturday, etc. etc. etc. If you are leaving for the weekend and you'd like your spouse to do something specific while you are gone, then ask- don't tell. If you don't ask and communicate your needs then it is your own fault it doesn't get done. You own it. You might get lucky and they do it. But if you need something done, or want something done, all you can do is ask.

Let's also remember that your spouse is not your servant. They are so many other wonderful things, but not that. Never treat them that way. If you do, apologize and get busy making it right.

Lots of Apples and food for thought. Talk about what is important to you, you could even illustrate what is important by saying, "when I was growing up, my family made signs for us on our birthday and wrote on it how cool we were. It would mean a lot to me if we could do that in our family. I would love one for my birthday". Then they know what is important and why.

Hope your weekend is a great one!