how do i love thee?

Have you ever wondered why you love your spouse the way you do?  You should observe yourself.

Usually I love Zach through service.  -make special meals, take care of things he wants done, etc.  he is a words of affirmation person though...so it doesn't come naturally to me, i have to work at it.  i think positive things in my head, i just have to remember to say them!

most people do this though, they love their spouse the way they want to be loved. (learned this from the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman).

So, if you find that you aren't happy with the way your spouse is loving you or at least, you feel a void somehow.  Just observe.  What do they do for you?  What do you do for them?

Now that you've noticed a bit what comes naturally to them.  Ask them about it?  "I've noticed that you do this ____ for me a lot, is that something you would like me to do for you?"  and then visa versa with your observation of yourself.  "i've noticed that i show my love for you by ____, i would appreciate it if you did/ said things like that for me."

We can't, well, shouldn't make demands of our spouse.  They aren't our love slave after all.  But, we can make requests.  New habits are hard to make.  It is not always easy for me to think of the right things to say to Zach.  I have to work at it.  So, notice the effort and appreciate it!