When opportunity knocks

When Zach and I were first married, he sent me flowers to work. My co-worker Denise told me that her husband had sent her flowers only once in their married life... Which at that time I think they'd been married for 25 years or more. That one time, was when they were first married and she had gotten mad at him for it because they didn't have a lot of money to "waste on things like that". He never sent them again.

You know how some stories stick?  That story has guided how I've handled a lot of things in my marriage. 

If you want them to help you with the baby, don't criticize how they do it.  Same with doing the dishes, cleaning out, or washing the car.  Does it really matter how they're doing it?  They're doing it aren't they?!

In a marriage you are vulnerable and your spouse is too. Some days and times, you aren't at your best. There are those days and times that you really do try.

When they try to show love by helping, being compassionate or romantic, that is opportunity knocking.  You had better make the most of it and appreciate it or they may not try again.

If they write you a poem and you would like to get more, don't you dare laugh unless it was meant to be funny. 

There are times that Zach has texted at 4 o'clock or so and said, "I picked up dinner" and I already have something in the oven or set out to get started. If I were to say something to shoot down his good intentions, he might not try to do that sort of thing again and I most definitely want him to do it again!

Now, when opportunity is knocking, this is not the time to talk about your needs.  They are vulnerable in that moment.  They are trying to love you in a way they have thought to do so, for whatever reason.  If in that moment, you say, "I don't like flowers" or "I don't want a morning kiss when I have bad breath" and you turn away or "I already have dinner going, why didn't you ask first?", then you have not only, missed the opportunity but you have missed the point.

The point is, if you want love in your marriage, you'd better accept it when it's given.
When opportunity knocks, you answer, especially if you want it to knock again.

I am not saying that you can't have an opinion or preferences.  I'm just saying don't be a jerk and shoot them down when they are trying to be loving.  Let them love you in the moment and then talk about preferences later...much later.  Appreciate the effort and see it for what it is...a gesture of love.

After all, isn't that what you would like them to do for you?

I am afraid that often in one of these ranting posts, I sound like I've never made a mistake and I do things perfectly around here.  Let me just clear that up.  I most definitely am not in any way, shape or form, perfect.  Seriously, I  make mistakes all the time.   I wish I were as good as Anne of Green Gables and could say that "I never make the same mistake twice".  That's a good goal though.  These posts are for me too.  When I get all huffy and use words like "jerk", I'm talking to myself too.  Just wanted to clear that up. :)