Life is a good struggle. It really is good. If we put our best foot forward, with faith in Christ, things always work out. Sometimes it just takes a while.
You'll have to pardon my vagueness, I just don't like airing dirty laundry. At the same time, while you read, you can insert your own dirty laundry. It seems that the harder my life gets and the fewer the people around me know it, the more I realize the people around me are probably really having a hard time too, without me knowing it as well. So, insert away.
What is marriage about? Is it about the perfect family? The perfect house that you've always wanted? How about a new job? a college degree? enough money to pay the bills? food? a great sex life? about getting your spouse to do what you've been asking them to do for years? a finished basement? money to buy that new wardrobe you've needed for like...ever? how about your spouse not judging you or always saying nice things to you?...etc, etc, etc.
I have been thinking a lot about what my goals are in marriage and what it is really about. It is most definitely NOT about things. It is most definitely NOT about getting my spouse to behave the way I think he should or do the things in a way (or just do them) that I think he should. It is NOT about what my spouse can give to or do for me.
It is about eternity. We are in for the long haul. We are creating a companionship that will rock the eternities.
Hard things can and do pull people apart everyday. They can and do bring people together...but this happens over time. During that time we act on vision. We act on what we are trying to accomplish together. Is that buying a new car? No. To get more things? No. We are trying to accomplish a marriage that will last. A marriage that we are both proud of. It's united, not in the things I want or the things that he wants, but the things We want. (he can want what I want though. :) and visa versa...and then it becomes a "we") We want a marriage that will last. We want to be strong individuals who honor our covenants.
This is the things though, you don't honor covenants with words alone. It takes action.
It is amazing what has happened since my focus has consciously changed. Is this all new? No. I've always been in for the long haul. It is just that I have been frustrated easier. Its easier to get frustrated when you are focussed on things, temporary, perishable things.
When I am focussed on helping Zach and achieving our long term goal of a Celestial marriage and family, the "things" aren't as pressing...and I'm more careful with my actions. I become more aware of how I am helping to lift his burdens, of how I am encouraging him, or how I am showing unconditional love and acceptance. I absolutely do not want a husband who gets torn down by his wife! I want to build him, love him and strengthen him! Do I want this in return? Yes. Do I always get it? No. Am I married to Zach? Yes. (this means he is next to perfect). I am NOT complaining. I am just saying that we don't serve to be served...even though it is a truth that blessings come to those who serve.
I have been weighed down by um...everything. This focus on vision and purpose has really helped me. I am glad because it has renewed my need to focus on this blog. Why? Because in the little things we really do make stronger, happier marriages. It is SO true.
I have Zach's back. It is for me to support him, love him, help him and enjoy him! If I don't, he will find that support somewhere else or just crawl under a rock and fail. I don't want either of those! When you lift others, you lift yourself. So, we both benefit! Aw, renewed motivation feels good. Real good.
Just to say it, even though you already know it. It is not my responsibility to do everything for him. He needs to find his ultimate help from the Savior. I am not perfect and when I take on that responsibility it is not fair to anyone. But I can do what I can do and sometimes it is helping him to look to Christ, and I do that by being an example.
Here is something else that might go without saying...Zach and are doing great. I am not just saying that. I don't want anyone worrying about us. It feels good to get through hard times together. I know Zach has my back too.
You'll have to pardon my vagueness, I just don't like airing dirty laundry. At the same time, while you read, you can insert your own dirty laundry. It seems that the harder my life gets and the fewer the people around me know it, the more I realize the people around me are probably really having a hard time too, without me knowing it as well. So, insert away.
What is marriage about? Is it about the perfect family? The perfect house that you've always wanted? How about a new job? a college degree? enough money to pay the bills? food? a great sex life? about getting your spouse to do what you've been asking them to do for years? a finished basement? money to buy that new wardrobe you've needed for like...ever? how about your spouse not judging you or always saying nice things to you?...etc, etc, etc.
I have been thinking a lot about what my goals are in marriage and what it is really about. It is most definitely NOT about things. It is most definitely NOT about getting my spouse to behave the way I think he should or do the things in a way (or just do them) that I think he should. It is NOT about what my spouse can give to or do for me.
It is about eternity. We are in for the long haul. We are creating a companionship that will rock the eternities.
Hard things can and do pull people apart everyday. They can and do bring people together...but this happens over time. During that time we act on vision. We act on what we are trying to accomplish together. Is that buying a new car? No. To get more things? No. We are trying to accomplish a marriage that will last. A marriage that we are both proud of. It's united, not in the things I want or the things that he wants, but the things We want. (he can want what I want though. :) and visa versa...and then it becomes a "we") We want a marriage that will last. We want to be strong individuals who honor our covenants.
This is the things though, you don't honor covenants with words alone. It takes action.
It is amazing what has happened since my focus has consciously changed. Is this all new? No. I've always been in for the long haul. It is just that I have been frustrated easier. Its easier to get frustrated when you are focussed on things, temporary, perishable things.
When I am focussed on helping Zach and achieving our long term goal of a Celestial marriage and family, the "things" aren't as pressing...and I'm more careful with my actions. I become more aware of how I am helping to lift his burdens, of how I am encouraging him, or how I am showing unconditional love and acceptance. I absolutely do not want a husband who gets torn down by his wife! I want to build him, love him and strengthen him! Do I want this in return? Yes. Do I always get it? No. Am I married to Zach? Yes. (this means he is next to perfect). I am NOT complaining. I am just saying that we don't serve to be served...even though it is a truth that blessings come to those who serve.
I have been weighed down by um...everything. This focus on vision and purpose has really helped me. I am glad because it has renewed my need to focus on this blog. Why? Because in the little things we really do make stronger, happier marriages. It is SO true.
Just to say it, even though you already know it. It is not my responsibility to do everything for him. He needs to find his ultimate help from the Savior. I am not perfect and when I take on that responsibility it is not fair to anyone. But I can do what I can do and sometimes it is helping him to look to Christ, and I do that by being an example.
Here is something else that might go without saying...Zach and are doing great. I am not just saying that. I don't want anyone worrying about us. It feels good to get through hard times together. I know Zach has my back too.
1 comment:
becca! thank you for your honest, thoughtful post. we ALL have ups and downs and good and tough times. i find comfort in the commitment we made that even in a rough spell i KNOW things will be ok again soon. and there are many ways i can bring that about sooner, usually involving humbling myself and looking for the good. thanks for your important and insightful reminders. :)
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