This weeks giveaway comes from Chocolot. After all, I did say we would be focussed on meeting the needs of both spouses this month! They are giving away a free box of chocolates!
At the Marriage Celebration, Richard Eyre said something that really struck me. "I think that most couples are working harder at being great parents than they are at being great spouses".
I've thought a lot about this and have concluded he is probably right...at least most of the time. I don't think any of us intends to neglect our spouse. It's just that our kids are physically more demanding. They are the ones that are always calling our name, waking us up early or in the middle of the night and frankly, they take a lot out of us. We as spouses take the back seat in the name of being patient and understanding. Problem is, we still have needs too. Some are physical, a lot of them are emotional. We do need to have a connection and it doesn't come easily if we are always sitting in the back seat.
Another thing the Eyre's mentioned was the importance of always talking about 5 things:
1. money & finances
2. sex/intimacy
3. children & parenting
4. goals & aspirations
5. Faith & belief
They encouraged that these be conversations that are always open. They are also the top 5 reasons for divorce. Don't close these doors! Like we mentioned in another post, there might be a better time, but keep talking about them!
Apples for Him:
* take the above 5 topics and ask him questions about them. if your husband is not a talker, don't push this too hard. you don't want him to feel like he's under siege with questions! ask him if there is something he feels like you could do better in a certain area. agree to work on it. report back with how you're doing..unless it's obvious. or, ask where does he see himself in 5 years, think about this question for yourself too.
*things to remember: that skin to skin contact releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and sperm also helps with depression. the more women initiate, the more they enjoy sex. if you want something, ask for it! he is not a mind reader! encourage him to ask for things he wants too!
Apples for Her:
*remember sexual intimacy is emotional intimacy. she needs to feel like you care about her, not just her body. although she does want to feel beautiful in your arms. what about those times you aren't in the bedroom? are you talking to her about the above 5 things? what are her goals and aspirations? ask her about them! how can you help?
*if you'd like to give her a great time in bed, give her time to transition from mother to lover. how long is that? about 20 minutes! enjoy this time! love her AND her body.
To enter this giveaway leave a comment with your thoughts on this and how you think you can do better or what you already do that you find effective & helpful. We'll announce the winner Friday! Thanks Chocolot!!! I love LUCKY month!
At the Marriage Celebration, Richard Eyre said something that really struck me. "I think that most couples are working harder at being great parents than they are at being great spouses".
I've thought a lot about this and have concluded he is probably right...at least most of the time. I don't think any of us intends to neglect our spouse. It's just that our kids are physically more demanding. They are the ones that are always calling our name, waking us up early or in the middle of the night and frankly, they take a lot out of us. We as spouses take the back seat in the name of being patient and understanding. Problem is, we still have needs too. Some are physical, a lot of them are emotional. We do need to have a connection and it doesn't come easily if we are always sitting in the back seat.
Another thing the Eyre's mentioned was the importance of always talking about 5 things:
1. money & finances
2. sex/intimacy
3. children & parenting
4. goals & aspirations
5. Faith & belief
They encouraged that these be conversations that are always open. They are also the top 5 reasons for divorce. Don't close these doors! Like we mentioned in another post, there might be a better time, but keep talking about them!
Apples for Him:
* take the above 5 topics and ask him questions about them. if your husband is not a talker, don't push this too hard. you don't want him to feel like he's under siege with questions! ask him if there is something he feels like you could do better in a certain area. agree to work on it. report back with how you're doing..unless it's obvious. or, ask where does he see himself in 5 years, think about this question for yourself too.
*things to remember: that skin to skin contact releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and sperm also helps with depression. the more women initiate, the more they enjoy sex. if you want something, ask for it! he is not a mind reader! encourage him to ask for things he wants too!
Apples for Her:
*remember sexual intimacy is emotional intimacy. she needs to feel like you care about her, not just her body. although she does want to feel beautiful in your arms. what about those times you aren't in the bedroom? are you talking to her about the above 5 things? what are her goals and aspirations? ask her about them! how can you help?
*if you'd like to give her a great time in bed, give her time to transition from mother to lover. how long is that? about 20 minutes! enjoy this time! love her AND her body.
To enter this giveaway leave a comment with your thoughts on this and how you think you can do better or what you already do that you find effective & helpful. We'll announce the winner Friday! Thanks Chocolot!!! I love LUCKY month!
3 comments:
After spending the last few years on the back burner due to my hubby being deployed so often and so long it's so nice to finally read this blog and have someone to apply it to (now that he's home for good - yea!) And who doesn't love Chocolat??! I truly believe you are creating a positive spot in the internet world with this blog in a world that doesn't value marriage and even those that 'do' are only in it as long as it benefits them. Keep up the good work!!
My husband and I make "money dates" where we can sit down, look at our budget, and make sure things are in order and rearrange our goals as needed.
Love these tips, love this blog, love you! :)
My husband and I always sit by each other and our kids sit around us. They know we are united in all things, which is so important for us. We take every opportunity to kiss and hold hands, even in front of the kids (as they make gagging noises and say yuck!) My husband was given some council that I love; he was told that kissing, touching, complimenting his spouse will relieve stress and frustration. We both practice this and it works! A nice, meaningful kiss from him can certainly obliterate a great deal of "the kids aren't listening" frustration. In the same way it makes the great moments better.
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