never turn back in the middle of a hill

"i was running with my husband not so long ago and we were running up a hill, he's a much better runner than i am and i was dropping quickly behind.  i'm a little competitive so i wasn't too happy about the fact that i was getting so far behind.  so i yelled ahead and said to Steve, "I think I'll turn around and go back to the car.  so he turned around and ran back to me and said, "oh Elaine, don't you know that you never make a decision to stop, when you're in the middle of a hill?"..... we kept going, he stayed by my side and when we got to the top, the view was well worth it...that was a profound lesson for me. you don't turn around in the middle of a hill, that's not where you make the decision". "it's not a place for clear thinking and, you know, you may be stressed in a manner that will keep you from making the proper decisions...there's a great parallel in life- when you're under stress, you just postpone those critical and important decisions."

this is from a conversation with Sheri Dew, Elaine Dalton and her husband Steve and you can find it HERE.

i loved what i learned from them when i was listening to this for the first time.  i absolutely loved it.  so much of what they talked about was uplifting and encouraging to me.

speaking of hills...

two and a half years ago, we had a stillborn baby girl.  most of you know this.  i have learned a lot about loss, grief and grieving since then.

all of us experience loss and grief more than we realize.  loss can be of a person (the most obvious example of loss), it can be a relationships, a job, health, -basically it can be a loss of something you planned on, yearned for and frankly thought would happen and didn't.  all these things and many more like them, are loss. (when i list relationships above, this can be divorce or maybe the loss of the marriage you thought you would have. -at the moment, it isn't what you expected or your spouse is having a challenging time and isn't making the best decisions or is obviously struggling and doesn't seem like they have much to give...because they don't.)

when you finally accept that you have lost something you ached for or even needed, you begin to grieve.  THESE ARE UPHILL TIMES.

what do you do then?  i learned this lesson the hard way.  i really, really struggled.  i felt vulnerable, and out of control in just about every way.  i may have appeared to be calm and peaceful on the outside.  inside my mind and heart i was pacing.  i had no idea what to do.

then i was given a list.

my midwife told me that i needed to let myself grieve.  i opened up and told her, i had absolutely no idea how to grieve.

she explained, "it's okay to feel whatever you feel...anger, sadness, happiness, confusion...whatever.  what matters is what you do.  do things that will help you feel better.  you'll know it's a good thing if, even if it's hard, you feel better afterward....cry, eat something healthy, go for a walk or even sit outside, write, take a nap, get a priesthood blessing, pray, go to the Temple, read the scriptures, talk to someone who will listen, ask for help"...and more...if you aren't recovering from having a baby, you could organize, clean a room in your house, exercise, serve (do an apple-a small and simple thing)...these things and many more like them, are things you can control.

she did not expect me to do all these things in one day.  she just gave me a list to draw from.

i wish i could explain how this made me feel.  liberated comes to mind.  everyone needs a list.  make a list.

when you feel like your life isn't what you expected and you know you're having an uphill day or time, look at your list and do something.  don't stop or turn back on the hill.  keep going.  the view will be worth it.