Dear John,

So, I have two awesome little brothers on missions right now. Sometimes they have companions they get along with better than others. You can bet that neither of their mission presidents will or would make a transfer because they aren't getting along. What great training for when they are married to the companion of their choice! To have the mentality that "there are no transfers" is a powerful one! Learning how to work things out takes practice and for some of us, we are married and practicing. None of us are perfect and knowing this, we can be patient and forgiving...of ourselves and our spouse.

Since we need to be able to work things out, communication skills are invaluable. If a touchy topic has to be discussed, then wait to talk about it if you are really mad. Take a walk first,count to ten, burn some calories, write your thoughts and think it through first. Praying until you feel better and then asking for help to say the right things would probably be the best out of all of these.

From experience, the time to talk about something is not when you're mad. You say things you don't mean and that is nothing short of a withdrawal in your love bank. You'll be paying off that one for a while. :)

When you are discussing something, listen to your spouse and don't interrupt. Make sure you understand their point of view. You might be wrong you know.

If there is a need for an apology then be sincere and admit you were wrong. Humility is an attractive characteristic. :)

advice from the Albanian!

I have a little brother Matt who is serving his mission in Albania. I asked him about the challenges they face there.

"Probably the biggest challenges for marriages here in Albania is two things that I can think of.

1: The lack of common goals with their marriage, children, family (in this life and the next) it seems like people like a variety of religions here and don't feel its best to be unified as a family but rather to have two different religions in the family and let the kids decide which one they want. That also means scattered goals and lack of unification.

2: The lack of time spent with one's spouse and family. In this culture a couple will own a store and one spouse will work 12 hours while the other rests and the other spouse works the other 12 hours. Hence, practically zero time to spend with both of them and the kids. Practically zero time to develop relationships and memories with their family as a whole. It hasn't been since I've been on my mission until I have realized that the center to the Plan of Salvation and to us being happy forever is independently dependant on a forever family for everyone"

The apple for the day is: Be grateful. Write in your journal, say a prayer of gratitude, write your spouse a note or talk to your spouse about the things you are grateful for in your lives. All of us have our different challenges but lets express gratitude for the blessings we have!