How's your love bank looking right now?

have you noticed that you get easily irritated with your spouse?  or are date nights a thing of the past?  do you do nice things for them just to do it?  when was the last time you consciously spoke their love language?  do you laugh together?  do you enjoy their company?

if you are reading this on a bad day, i'm not writing this so you will think your marriage is doomed.  seriously.

there are times in every marriage when the love bank account gets low.  it happens for many, many reasons and we honestly, most of the time, don't mean for it to happen!  it just does.  it does because we let something or someone come before our marriage.  again, not intentional.

so, lets get intentional.  it's a new year.  it's a great time to assess honestly where we are and where we want to be down the road.  and really, there is no better time than now.

why do we want to make deposits in our spouses love bank accounts?  well, if we aren't making deposits, then when withdrawals happen, the easily frustrated happens, the snappy comments happen, the lack of desire for quality time happens and then it gets worse...

whatever your love bank account statement says, just make note.  if you are in the positive and still making deposits, keep depositing.  if you are in the negative, then make some deposits and build your account back up.

one thing that is super great to remember is that you are responsible for YOU.  you can't change anyone else's attitude or actions.  you can only control your own.  you can set a good example though.

what are some deposits we can all make in our love banks?

*say something nice to them (and be sincere)
*do something nice for them (and be sincere)
*talk nice to them all day (and be sincere) :)
*leave a note with words to your favorite love song or poem.
*ask them what they have going on that day and then later that day, text them and say you're thinking about them and you hope whatever they had went well or wish them good luck.
*pray for your spouse.
*pray together.
*when they are talking, listen to them by looking at their face and not your phone.
*touch them when you walk by.
*watch them and look for the good.
*start writing down what you're grateful for in them. (could be a great Valentines gift if you started soon)
*if you've been slacking at helping around the house, join in and be a team. turn on some music and enjoy yourselves.
*read about something that interests your spouse and shock them when YOU bring it up.
*ask them out on a date

remember, these are all like apples.  consider an apple a day, a good deed a day,  a deposit a day. whatever you want to call it.  abundant blessings await for being intentional in your marriage!

i've enjoyed writing this list.  while you read this list, what things came to your mind that would be like deposits in your spouses love bank?

it's good to be blogging again.
i love being married.
Becca

does it matter?

are you the one who thinks "if I don't do anything for Valentines it won't matter"?

Well, if you are, then you had better really think about that one!

If you remember the post on the love bank you will know why I am encouraging you to think. Just the same as doing things that your spouse appreciates is a deposit in the love bank- not doing things your spouse would appreciate and even expects can be a withdrawal.

No one is perfect. I realize we don't always do, say, think the things our spouse wants us to. In marriage we learn as we go and we do it together.

Here is something that will hopefully help you to be on the right track in what you are doing or giving for Valentines Day.

First-do you know your spouses love language?

1. do they like it when you make the bed, make them treats, pack them lunch, take out the garbage? -they are an ACTS OF SERVICE PERSON

2. do they like back rubs, foot rubs, kissing, intimacy (a lot)-physical stuff? -THEY ARE A PHYSICAL TOUCH PERSON.

3. do they like gifts, flowers, treats that you buy just for them? -THEY ARE A RECEIVING GIFTS PERSON.

4. do they like notes, texts, emails, vocal praise, gratitude? -THEY ARE A WORDS OF AFFIRMATION PERSON.

5. do they want to do things together, talk, watch a movie, go places together? -THEY ARE A QUALITY TIME PERSON.

Some of us might be a bit of all these things. The idea is to pick the one that sounds the most like your spouse and do/give something under that category to them for Valentines.

Here is an idea for each category:

1. breakfast in bed

2. send a text, hide a note in their lunch or in their shoe that invites them to some pamper time by you, just for them. "you and me, our room 8 o' clock?"

3. buy them something they have mentioned they want. it could be flowers, razors, cologne, lotion or even their favorite candy bar. A simple, I thought of you today and thought you might like this goes a long way. (that means you really have to be thinking of them though! :))

4. Write up "The Top 10 Reasons Why I LOVE YOU"

5. Give them quality time with just you. A true quality time person would love advance notice so they can look forward to it. (like I have been looking forward to my date with Zach tonight for like a week and a half! -yeah, like that! :))

You've still got time! Do something!

Gift ideas for your Valentine!

Everyone does Valentines different. Some couples don't do anything, some go out on a special date, some stay home and do something special, some give gifts.

I knew someone once who hated Valentines and didn't want to support it at all. My opinion? It's a day that can be made into an occasion. I think we need more of those! This might have something to do with the fact I am a stay at home mom and I really like to be home. I don't get out much. :) I LOVE the anticipation of a date night! I am not the best gift giver as far as originality goes. I can copy and I'm not ashamed to admit it!

Here are some things I have done and others I would like to try:

* a year of dates! There are a few renditions of this idea but the one I liked can be found HERE.

* valentines day survival kit. i liked THIS one.

* make your own card. ladies, use the lipstick and put kisses on it. gents, use your cologne. gosh, I love to smell Zach's cologne!

* write out "101 reason why I love you" or "101 reasons I'm glad I married you"

* and of course, "love coupons" for: breakfast in bed, back massage, an evening out, anything you want, 25 kisses, dinner for two, movie night (you choose movie or you choose who chooses) ...etc

* i'm not sure if this could be here in time but you could try a photo book. pictures of just you two or pictures of highlights from your life together. (i guess this is more intense and would be a better idea for your anniversary or something. but hey, maybe your anniversary is coming up! -that's why I included this idea. :))

* surprise your spouse with a day off! spend the day together!

* let your spouse sleep in-watch the kids and make her breakfast.

Go HERE for more ideas on gifts and also some small decorating tips!

What are some of your favorite gifts you've given your spouse for Valentines?

"An apple a day"

Give them an invitation today for a Valentines breakfast. Plan to make their favorite breakfast tomorrow. Serve it in bed or at the table. Make it special.

Happy Valentines Day!

Gift idea

Put together a valentine survival kit! What are some things they are always running out of? chap stick, gum, gel? How about something they have said that they need? If they are going through a stressful time, put in some cut out comics from the newspaper.

I did this for Zach when we were dating. He had been saying he wanted to learn how the play the piano. So I bought sheet music for me to teach him to play. I also always ate his kraft singles and gum so I gave him more. This can be a fun gift.

"An apple a day"

Mail them a Valentine card. Cut out a heart out of paper, color it and write a cute note.

Sign it from "Your Secret Valentine"

"An apple a day"

Four days til' Valentines! Send your spouse on a love hunt. The clues send them throughout the house (or around town if you're ambitious) On each clue, put something you love about them. (You can always make them do things for their next clue too.) You can do this hunt each day until Valentines and have the treasure be something super sweet...like you! Love it!