H.A.L.T.

I made this here note for myself:

I figured I needed to make it more appealing to look at because on a notebook on my nightstand didn't really do the trick.

I got these words of wisdom from HERE, on the Mormon Channel.  It's from one of the episodes on family finances.  Totally worth the listen.  Lots of great advice.

What about that time when we don't follow this advice?  

Sometimes it's like I turn off my common sense radar and I just start talking. Almost without thinking, I've brought up a doozy and it's 11:00 at night!

Damage done.  Words can''t be taken back.   What then?  We've got to fix what we've done.  That is our responsibility.  If we do this well, then things can be even better than they were before.

If we feel really sorry for what we've done, we think about it, pray about it and maybe even read a talk/book or something that can help us in our fixing.

I have this picture in my mind of Zach and I sitting side by side in a beat up pickup truck.  I'm all snuggled up and he's got his arm around me. (Even though this happens in our suburban, I still like to imagine the truck because I feel young and carefree :) )

Anyway, that picture is a good visual for me. When we have something happen where one of us slips up, hurts the others feelings, etc., I can see and feel myself sitting further away in the pickup truck. So, there are things that need to happen before I want to sit close to him again or he wants me there. Some of these things are:

-an apology

-forgiveness

-listening to each other with the intent to understand, not talk

-showing acceptance

-expressing gratitude

-expressing faith in them

-little gestures -a smile, hug, squeeze their hand, or a back rub as you walk by.

Careful. If we don't do something about the distance then the distance will stay. 

If you were the offender and they aren't exactly appreciative of your efforts to make things better, be patient.  Especially if the distance hasn't been addressed immediately.  It may take some time.  Don't get mad at them for their response, stay with it.  You may even try writing a little note or to simply say, "I'm trying to fix what I hurt..."

Some of the above things are done out of habit and others need to be deliberately done. Take care of each other. When you're wrong, acknowledge it, make it right by doing those things that get you comfortably sitting next to your love again.

Finally, if you or your spouse is feeling hungry, angry, lonely or tired save yourself the trouble of having to fix something.  Don't start heated conversations if you're feeling these ways.  Take care of these needs and then have important conversations on purpose.