let's talk about talking :)

Finding time to talk to your spouse can be tricky if you're at all busy or if you have shows you like to watch or if you have kids or a life... ;)

I realized something about me recently and maybe you can relate.  I trap my husband.  (it's okay, he likes be trapped...unless he has something else to do..;))  I trap him and talk to him until he's beyond done.  I'm lucky.  He likes to talk to me.  I've been told this is rare.  Are you the spouse who gets trapped or are you the trapper?

I have a suggestion which will help both of you.  When Zach and I do this on a regular basis, the trapping isn't so often or as lengthy.

The trapper and the trappee would probably both agree that there are things that a husband a wife must make time to talk about.  If you are the trappee, you might not ever want to consent to any conversation because it will take all night!  If you are the trapper, this can be frustrating because you need to talk!

Okay, a helpful suggestion.  Set a day and time each week that you will talk about business stuff -the kids, the finances, family goals, vision, problems that need solving, schedules for the week, etc.  We call this meeting FLC: family leadership council.  Have an agenda.  Take notes.  Yep.

We set a timer.  Yep.  When it beeps, we close with a prayer and we are done.  No more trapping.  If this is done consistently the desire for a long meeting is much less and there is the peace of mind, knowing that you will pick up where you left off next week.  It's SO helpful!

Do it.

You're welcome.

Oh, if you just want to talk and your spouse is worried that you will keep them forever, set the timer for 15 minutes.  Ask for their undivided attention and promise to be done when the timer beeps.

Also, this works with kids too.  If they know they have a set time that they will get to talk to just you about anything, its hugely helpful for them too.

The end.

Sweet and simple

When we reach out to those around us, we are the ones who are blessed. 

Today I made a phone call to a lady around the corner who will be 80 next month and recently lost a daughter. I mostly just listened and it was so nice. I love stories!

I really love a glimpse into successful marriages. 

This sweet couple were together more than 60 years before he passed away. She told me this:

"Before our prayers we would talk about our day and you know, the blessings always outweighed the hard things"

Hearing those words just filled my heart and brought tears to my eyes. (I told her I was going to write it down, I loved it so much)

 What a sweet way to end the day. Talk about the day and look for the blessings. Go to sleep feeling connection with your spouse and blessed. 

It's the simple things. 

ideas for your valentines day.

love week has begun.  you have probably already checked Pinterest for date or gift ideas.  there are plenty to choose from.

let me add just a few inexpensive ideas:

* candy bar poster

* top 10 reasons you are MY valentine

* heart attack on steering wheel or anywhere

* mail a card/letter to the office

* make an invitation to a pamper session: foot rub, back rub, hot bath with candles

date ideas:

* chic flick- an oldie but a goodie

* dinner by candle light

* dance at home

* make a treat together

* play a game together

does this sound lame or like a waste of time?

here is my opinion.  this stuff is not a waste of time, IF you are doing it for the right reasons.

please take this day/week to be intentional and show your love for your spouse!

some people say it's lame, it's over marketed....blah, blah, blah.  so what?  this is a day- an excuse to do something out of the ordinary and sweet.  do something.

be appreciative and be specific. watch your love while they are doing anything and appreciate them.  think of the good, look for it, and then say something about it to them.
enjoy spending some quality time together this week.  do what you can.
let your children see you leaving love notes and kissing for longer than normal...let them see intentional loving.
think about what they would like and if you're totally at a loss, ask them...just ask before Sunday okay? ;)

happy valentines week!

the daily matters

Isn't this the truth?!  The daily, matters.  If we live for "events", then we've missed the point and wasted valuable time and opportunity.

The better we live each day with our spouse, the more we will love and look forward to the "events" and the better prepared we will be for the unexpected.

Why don't we drink from a cup with 7 straws?  Because it's actually more affective to drink from one.  Try it. :)

With 5 kids and now a puppy, it is way more affective to clean my house throughout the week than it is to do it all on one day.  Way more affective.  (Lets not give the wrong idea here...I don't clean my house alone.  I have a husband, 5 kids and a puppy.  We all clean it.)

Speaking of a puppy.  It is kind of critical to spend time everyday in play, exercise and training.  Yeah, if we waited until she was older, we'd have our work cut out for us and we'd enjoy her less in her puppy stage...and that would be sad.  She's adorable.

When I am loving Zach on purpose, it makes the days way better and the events are much more fun to anticipate.  I also enjoy the events more when we have been better at daily loving.

Last week I mentioned in a post that Zach and I talk at the beginning of the week and ask each other what we can do to show love that week.  It is a great feeling to know that you are willingly meeting their needs and they recognize it as well.  Try it.  Ask your spouse what you can do to show love.

I love this quote by Elder Christofferson. I found it HERE.  It sums up my thoughts and is something to ponder, as today is the first day of LOVE MONTH.

"Experience teaches that in a marriage, for example, a steady stream of simple kindnesses, help, and attention do much more to keep love alive and nurture the relationship than an occasional grand or expensive gesture. That is not to say, brethren—you who are married—that your wife wouldn’t appreciate something new and really nice to wear or occasionally some other gift that expresses, with an exclamation point, how you feel about her (within the parameters, of course, of your miserable budget). It’s just that a constant, daily expression of affection, in both words and actions, is far more meaningful in the long run."

Small and simple things matter.  You matter.  The daily, matters.  

Make today a great day.

Becca :)

How do I know what my spouse needs?

"He comes up behind me and kisses my neck while I'm doing dishes, rubs my shoulders and says sweet things...all I want is for him to roll up his sleeves and help with the dishes!"

"He brings me flowers but never talks to me"

"She will talk to me but then she's too tired to make love"

Maybe these remind you of things you struggle with in your marriage.  I know they vary from couple to couple.  People are different, families are different and couples are different.  One thing that is the same...we all have different needs. May I just add here that we need to appreciate love and affection when it's shown.  I wrote about that HERE.

It is a tender mercy if you or your spouse can figure out how they can meet your needs without losing their mind. :)

We have a lot going on at our house and in our lives.  I'm sure you can relate.

A few things that help us are:

*talking at the beginning of the week about what we have coming up.

*refreshing on the days plans in the morning.

*sharing our calendars on our phones.

***and then asking, ideally, everyday, if there is anything we can do to help the other person.

As far as meeting needs beyond the daily grind, support takes some serious intent.  Here are some things that I find helpful:

*in the chats listed above, daily and weekly- talk about 1 or 2 things that you would each love to have done for you.
These could be: call me during the day, text to check in, text to say something nice, say thank you, help me with the kids a bit more at bedtime, or take care of bedtime and let me take a bath or make love or take me on a date or get up in the morning to see me off or pray with me. Be thoughtful, respectful and open during these conversations.

Lastly because I think this is amazing, we can pray for guidance!  "What could I do today for my husband?", "How can I show my love better today?", and more questions like these will shed the light of inspiration on our marriages.  Amazing.

THIS talk is perfect for further insight on this subject: "What Lack I yet?

Have a great week.
Becca :)