the daily matters

Isn't this the truth?!  The daily, matters.  If we live for "events", then we've missed the point and wasted valuable time and opportunity.

The better we live each day with our spouse, the more we will love and look forward to the "events" and the better prepared we will be for the unexpected.

Why don't we drink from a cup with 7 straws?  Because it's actually more affective to drink from one.  Try it. :)

With 5 kids and now a puppy, it is way more affective to clean my house throughout the week than it is to do it all on one day.  Way more affective.  (Lets not give the wrong idea here...I don't clean my house alone.  I have a husband, 5 kids and a puppy.  We all clean it.)

Speaking of a puppy.  It is kind of critical to spend time everyday in play, exercise and training.  Yeah, if we waited until she was older, we'd have our work cut out for us and we'd enjoy her less in her puppy stage...and that would be sad.  She's adorable.

When I am loving Zach on purpose, it makes the days way better and the events are much more fun to anticipate.  I also enjoy the events more when we have been better at daily loving.

Last week I mentioned in a post that Zach and I talk at the beginning of the week and ask each other what we can do to show love that week.  It is a great feeling to know that you are willingly meeting their needs and they recognize it as well.  Try it.  Ask your spouse what you can do to show love.

I love this quote by Elder Christofferson. I found it HERE.  It sums up my thoughts and is something to ponder, as today is the first day of LOVE MONTH.

"Experience teaches that in a marriage, for example, a steady stream of simple kindnesses, help, and attention do much more to keep love alive and nurture the relationship than an occasional grand or expensive gesture. That is not to say, brethren—you who are married—that your wife wouldn’t appreciate something new and really nice to wear or occasionally some other gift that expresses, with an exclamation point, how you feel about her (within the parameters, of course, of your miserable budget). It’s just that a constant, daily expression of affection, in both words and actions, is far more meaningful in the long run."

Small and simple things matter.  You matter.  The daily, matters.  

Make today a great day.

Becca :)

an anniversary date!

well, since the anniversary is a special day & we celebrated ours two days after Reddick was born, I'm a little slow at posting about it.
this year...we did nothing!  we may have kissed.  we may have watched a video & i fell asleep.  i did write Zach a super sweet note.  he made me breakfast in bed...because it was mother's day too.  this is probably not at all helpful. :)

here are a couple of our favorite lower budget anniversary celebrations we've had.  hold on to your hats!...or your glasses.  apples for non anniversary celebrators at the end. :)

Remember.

Memory is such a gift.  I watched my Grandma loose her memory.  It hurt when she didn't know my name anymore.  The very last time I saw her, I talked to her and looked in her eyes.  I knew her Spirit was there and she knew me.  She couldn't talk to me then, but I knew she heard me.  That is one my sweetest and most special experiences.  I love my Grandma.
She left my Grandpa behind.  He aches for her so much.  They are an outstanding example to me of a good marriage.  Two of my sisters and I went to visit Grandpa just a week or so ago.  We were asking him if he would make it up to the cabin this summer.

Now this cabin that i refer to was a vision that was shared by my Grandparents.  They gave their family a gift by building it.  They truly built it together.  It has been several years since my Grandpa has been able to work on it.

In response to the question he said.  "when you're building something, it gets into your blood.  When you're finished, its not as much fun anymore."

Immediately I thought of marriage.  When you are working on it, its everything.  When you stop working on it, it isn't something you enjoy.

Marriage doesn't always have to be a chore.  We can keep our motivation up with a vision of the gift we will give our family by building a great marriage. -not to mention our own joy and fulfillment in this life and the next!!!

My Grandparents loved working on that cabin in large part because they knew it would bless generations.  This is so incredibly true!  But an even bigger blessing was the marriage they built.  Now that blessing spans eternities.

Blood, sweat and probably tears went into that cabin and the same is surely true about their marriage.  I'm so glad they didn't give up.

I will follow in their footsteps and work at what is important to me.  I will remember why it's important.

take your pick!

HERE'S YOUR PICK OF APPLES!...or at least some to get you thinking!

*give them a compliment you don't usually give.  think about it.  what is something you like about the way they dress/ make the bed/ serve dinner/ park their car/ play with the kids?  make it specific!  say it!

*when you are out and about, pick them up something small.  gosh, it melts my heart when Zach says, "I picked this up for you today".  *sigh.

*after the kids are in bed, take a gander outside together.  hold hands.  talk.

*take turns. if your spouse planned the date last week, you're it!

*call and check in during the day.  a simple, "just thinking about you and how much i appreciate you in my life", will do just fine!

*kiss em good and long when they get home...extra credit if you pop a mint first!

*vacuum their car /make the bed- lift their load somehow.

Being married has serious benefits.  One of which, "love is like jam, you can't spread it without getting some on yourself."  sticky is good. :)

here we go!

it feels good to be blogging some apples again!  here are some ideas for the week!

*flip a coin for who's planning date night for the week (that includes getting the sitter)

*do they have something big going on? -with work, with the kids?  make a point to ask them about it and give them your undivided attention while they are talking.

*make a meal that you have together even more special by making the table and food look that way.  go the extra mile and put a note under their plate or use special dishes.

*when you meet after some time a part, be sure to say something positive first. ie. "i'm glad you're home.", "i've looked forward to you coming home all day", "i've missed you", "thanks for working so hard", "having you home is a breath of fresh air".  ONLY say things if you mean it!  BUT, there is always something nice you can say!...think first.

*put a note in a random place that says something specific you love/appreciate about them. (on their steering wheel, bathroom mirror, shower wall, in their shoe..etc.)

*next time you are watching t.v. together, ask them if they'd like a foot, back, shoulder massage while you watch.

*ask them if they need you to do anything for them that day or this week.  then do it!

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!  HERE'S TO A HEALTHIER MARRIAGE!

schedule your apples!

I thought I'd try something different this week and give you some apples in a bunch...that way you can schedule them into your week and be sure to do one a day!

*send them an email or text with something you are grateful for of what they did that morning or something about who they are. Doesn't have to be serious. It could be, "thanks for taking out the garbage this morning" or "I am so grateful for your nice muscles! They are such HUGE a blessing!":)

*while eating dinner go around the table and say what you are grateful for that day.

*mail a card to their office-funny or serious expressing gratitude.

*spend a special time with your spouse and just talk. if they need coaxing then make a treat or play a card game while you talk.

*ask them if you can do anything to help them this week or during that day.

*cook a favorite meal, call them and tell them what you made and that you made it just for them

*initiate love making. it seems like things just go better around here when...well, never mind. :) Anyway, love them like they want to be loved.

Have a great week!

In the beginning...RESERVED

Well if the Bible talks about "the beginning" so often then well, maybe what happens in the beginning is important. In the beginning, there was a plan and the plan was carried out.

It is the beginning of a new month. School just started and schedules are reinstated. It's the perfect time to pull out the calendar and RESERVE the days we want as a couple, family, etc. Mostly as a couple though-(this is a marriage blog :))

How many dates do you want out of the house?...with a babysitter? Do you want to go to the Temple? The R.S. meeting is this month(I know this isn't a couple thing but I'm super excited so Zach should be too!) What else do you want to do? Daddy daughter dates, Mother son, Family outings? Put it on the calendar and start calling the sitters! There is your apple!

It's going to be a great month! I love this time of year!!!

write it down and then do it

The apple for the day is:

Ask your spouse what some of their favorite things are that you do for them. Write them down. These can be romantic, sweet, fun, spontaneous, etc. The next thing is divide up that list and put them on your calendar to remember to do for them! I know writing things down helps me a TON! Don't let your spouse see it if you don't want to. Every once in a while send them a little note of anticipation that you are going to do one of their favorite things that night or that weekend, etc!

deep breath!

Ahhh. Now that was refreshing!

It is the beginning of a new week! Our best weeks around here begin with some planning. Most Sunday nights Zach and I will plan out our week. He knows what I have going on and I know what he has going on. This planning time also gives us a chance to talk about changes we would like to make, things we'd like to implement.

If you have never tried this. It would be a good idea to start short, sweet and to the point. You definitely want it to be quick if your spouse is not a talker. It really will be so worth the little time you put to it, to make this a habit!

If your husband or wife is leery-make a treat! After the kids are in bed, have some chips and salsa or some ice cream. Talk about what you have going on. Ask your spouse if there is anything they would like your help with that week. If there is something you need, now is a great time to ask.

Give this apple a try!

your wedding day!

How much time, thought, energy, etc did you put into planning your wedding? Think about it. You and yours spent quite a bit of time thinking of every little detail and then executing it, right? I loved it though! It was a lot I will admit while trying to keep my job at the same time but I loved it. I was so looking forward to the day and thinking about every detail made me giddy!

Friday we went to the Northern Utah Marriage Celebration held at Weber State. There were 4 workshops and at the end of the evening the keynote speakers were John and Kim Bytheway. Gosh, we had a great time! We learned some good stuff too. Zach missed his Elders Quorum b-ball game for it. This is HUGE I want you to know! :) (I think he was secretly embarrassed to be going to this instead of to his ball game, but in the end he was glad he went-don't tell him I said that!)

Quoting from John-"it has been said that most people spend more time planning their wedding day than they do their marriage."

Yes, I realize that planning ahead means being proactive and thinking about the future. But I will also point out that even though it is crazy planning a wedding, we still found time to do that!

So, what kind of life do you want? No, I am not asking what about the vacations you want to take together or what you want to do when you are 50 exactly. I am asking what you want the day to day to be like. Those decisions shape the future. Do you want to have a happy home filled with fun and laughter? Do you want to be loving, kind and romantic? Do you want to be adventurous together by trying new things or enjoying hobbies or outdoor recreation together? Do you want to be faithful, attending church, Temple and holding regular FHE, scripture study and prayer?

There are probably a host of other questions I could spout but this has really gotten me thinking. I was picky about certain things when I was the bride to be. I thought about details and I wanted things a specific way. I made lists, discussed them with Zach and so on.

Life, if we are going to have it as close to the way we want it, then we are going to have to plan for it. This discussion might just be more important than a favorite T.V. show. Just sayin'. :)

Well, that's more like a fruit basket than AN APPLE :)

in the red?

Have you ever heard of the "love bank" philosophy/analogy?

Well, I have been thinking about this the today. Last night Zach and I were going to spend some time together after the kids were in bed-talking about our week and such and so forth. (He started taking a class to get some letters after his name and it is going to take a lot of time and be a little crazy.-like three nights a week for three hours, plus study and tests, plus young mens kind of crazy.) So this time was important to both of us.

We email my brothers who are both on missions on Sunday. Zach sends them a sports update and I just email whatever I want. :) Anyway, he finished and I was working on my post for today...and then I had to email and I doddled and he went to bed without us even having our nice Sunday evening time. All because my priorities were out of order.

Talk about a withdrawal! I came to bed feeling bad. I climbed into bed and what does he do? He wakes up enough to wrap his arms around me and hold me before falling back to sleep. While he slept I thought of how lucky I am to be married to such a patient and forgiving guy! And I also thought about how I could make it up to him. That is where the love bank thing comes in.

Some withdrawals are little and some are big. We are best off realizing them for what they are and making deposits to build our love accounts back up.

If you have been married for a while then you have probably experienced a time or two that you were both on each others nerves, easily irritated or even hot headed with each other. These are times when you both can realize that there is a huge need for a deposit, or two, or three. :)

The apple for the day? Figure out what those deposits are! What does your spouse need and love? What do you need and love? Start making deposits today!

Maybe your love bank levels are low or are maybe in the red. You might not even feel like you can talk to your spouse about this...now would be a good time to try and experiment. Make some serious deposits. See what they do.

Sometimes when things aren't going the way we might want, it is hard not to be selfish and say that "they" need to put forth some effort too. This is true- they do. Be the first though.

the happiest season of all??

Here we come Christmas! Here we come New Years! Just like that, some of us are scrambling to get everything done and still trying to make it to every Christmas party there ever was! Not to mention, do service projects with our families and do things to incorporate the Spirit of Christ into our homes and really celebrate this Christmas...

then there is the regular stuff. You mean I still have to clean my house and feed my children? Zach still has to go to work and we both still have our callings...:)

Might I suggest an apple? Sit down with your spouse, a piece of paper and a calendar. Talk about expectations for your holidays and prioritize them. Talk about what you can do without and what you can't. Then put it down on the calendar. We did this Sunday and Zach was a little overwhelmed with everything we have going on. I would imagine if we hadn't sat down and discussed it we would have had a word or two about not communicating about the chaos...

Don't forget to talk about a budget if you haven't already!

I hope this is helpful and that this will be your happiest holiday season ever!