the daily matters

Isn't this the truth?!  The daily, matters.  If we live for "events", then we've missed the point and wasted valuable time and opportunity.

The better we live each day with our spouse, the more we will love and look forward to the "events" and the better prepared we will be for the unexpected.

Why don't we drink from a cup with 7 straws?  Because it's actually more affective to drink from one.  Try it. :)

With 5 kids and now a puppy, it is way more affective to clean my house throughout the week than it is to do it all on one day.  Way more affective.  (Lets not give the wrong idea here...I don't clean my house alone.  I have a husband, 5 kids and a puppy.  We all clean it.)

Speaking of a puppy.  It is kind of critical to spend time everyday in play, exercise and training.  Yeah, if we waited until she was older, we'd have our work cut out for us and we'd enjoy her less in her puppy stage...and that would be sad.  She's adorable.

When I am loving Zach on purpose, it makes the days way better and the events are much more fun to anticipate.  I also enjoy the events more when we have been better at daily loving.

Last week I mentioned in a post that Zach and I talk at the beginning of the week and ask each other what we can do to show love that week.  It is a great feeling to know that you are willingly meeting their needs and they recognize it as well.  Try it.  Ask your spouse what you can do to show love.

I love this quote by Elder Christofferson. I found it HERE.  It sums up my thoughts and is something to ponder, as today is the first day of LOVE MONTH.

"Experience teaches that in a marriage, for example, a steady stream of simple kindnesses, help, and attention do much more to keep love alive and nurture the relationship than an occasional grand or expensive gesture. That is not to say, brethren—you who are married—that your wife wouldn’t appreciate something new and really nice to wear or occasionally some other gift that expresses, with an exclamation point, how you feel about her (within the parameters, of course, of your miserable budget). It’s just that a constant, daily expression of affection, in both words and actions, is far more meaningful in the long run."

Small and simple things matter.  You matter.  The daily, matters.  

Make today a great day.

Becca :)

try these apples...if you dare!

we are probably the only family who is enjoying the Olympics...the t.v. is almost always on...which is not normal here.  we just really like it.

so, i say, "try these apples...if you dare!"

in my opinion, it is hard to remember to be sweet, considerate, encouraging, loving...etc, when i am totally engrossed in something else.

August is a big month around here...especially this year.  Zach's birthday, Sarah's birthday and the angel-versary of Lily (for more on this, go HERE).  i have a lot of projects that i'm working on and that is on top of everything else.

but, i am working on acting out my priorities.  they can't be my priorities if i don't act like it, right?

so, apples.

*touch in passing as often as you pass.  touch while talking if possible or make it possible.
(that touch forms a connection, our connections need to be continually strengthened)

*write a love note, funny joke, compliment on the mirror.

*make a surprise visit to their office.  check if their schedule is clear first!

*lights out night(if you dare!)-if you have kids include them.  don't use any power during dinner or after.  go to bed without any power.  after the kids are in bed...no electronics!  play games by lantern or anything else fun you can think of! (um, this is emergency training!)

*help them with something they've had on their list to do..that they don't want to do or don't have time for...do it for them or help them.

*take a walk outside after dinner.  talk.  or don't.


"Thank God for the joys of family life.  I have often said there can be no genuine happiness separate and apart from a good home.  The sweetest influences and associations of life are there"
-Ezra Taft Benson (God, Family, Country: Our Three Great Loyalties [1974], 178).

don't be offended. :)

so, the Apple of the day: eat one. -thank you Zach for your contribution. :)
he is trying again....schedule your sex and then do it. -oh boy I hope no one is offended. :)

to make up for his last comment...
come up with two or three things that your spouse can do for you that would put you more in a love making mood. could you use more help around the house? help put the kids in bed? build a chicken coup so his muscles bulk up?

okay, since we are on the note of doing things for our spouse...just the other day I was thinking about this. In a joking, yet serious way, I was getting after Zach for possibly having missed yet another hockey season and I've been asking for like three years to go to a game. Later that day or the next day I was thinking about that conversation and why he hadn't fulfilled my request yet- and it isn't like I'm easy to ignore. :)
So I began thinking about all the things he has asked me to do for about that long...maybe longer and I haven't done them. For me, they aren't urgent things and so it is hard, with life so busy and so many urgent things demanding my time, to get those things done that he's asked. But since I want to go to a hockey game...I'm going to try an experiment. I am going to make a list of the things he has asked me to do and begin checking them off. If I don't write it down I will forget because honestly those things aren't really on my mind. Well, we'll see if we make it to a hockey game any time soon. :)

Deep breath.

"your future is as bright as your faith" -President Thomas S. Monson

Watching THIS clip is a wonderful reminder to me of what is most important.

I am grateful for a New Year, a new day to start again. Starting over with a fresh attitude is like taking a deep breath, looking around me and feeling grateful for the many opportunities I have to do good.

My apple for the day is: sit down with Zach, discuss his goals and how I can help him to reach them. Then talk about mine and how he can help me. I think we'll do a puzzle while we talk. We have one that's started down stairs. The longer it waits...the sooner we'll have missing pieces.

Having each other is so great!

Happy New Year!

Resolve.

I absolutely LOVE THIS TALK by Elder Christofferson that he gave a year ago at a CES Fireside. Here is a great quote that is worthy of remembering right now.

"This is the season of New Year’s resolutions, and I would like to quote to you the words of President N. Eldon Tanner, formerly a counselor in the First Presidency: “As we reflect on the value of resolving to do better, let us determine to discipline ourselves to carefully select the resolutions we make, to consider the purpose for making them, and finally, to make commitments for keeping them and not letting any obstacle stop us. Let us remind ourselves at the beginning of each day that we can keep a resolution just for that day. As we do this it gets easier and easier until it becomes a habit.”2"

I can do anything for one day! I am looking forward to a fresh start with a New Year and new goals!

last day!

well, it is the last day of the month! I hope you are more grateful than when the month began! :) I also hope that as we embark on Christmas traditions and gift giving and receiving, that we will be even more grateful! We have SO. MUCH.

Anything you would like to say about that? I will announce the winner for the comment contest tomorrow. :)

The apple for the day is: pull out your calendar, ask your spouse out for a Christmas date and mark it down!

What's important..

Being sick, lacking energy and the like, have made things interesting to say the least. And because I feel lousy and can't do everything I want to or even intend to it has made me think a lot about what is important and what isn't.

It's important:

*to not blame circumstances for my being grouchy.

*to do the things that help me to stay happy.

*to remember prayer and scriptures can't wait til' I feel better...I need all the help I can get!

*to still give adequate attention to Zach and the kids.

*to be grateful.

*to use the energy I do have doing the best thing.

*to not have too high of expectations. ;)

What would you add to this list?

WARNING this is a soap box....

I was reading a marriage website the other day and saw a post about another website that promotes having an affair! UGH! Their big thing is, "life is short, have an affair". Okay does that even make any sense?!

I have thought of this periodically. Why would this appeal to SO many people?! There are 8.5 million members! CRAZY! (I did not go to the affair promoting site, I don't want to read that crap, I just read about it on the pro marriage site)

So the other day it occurred to me. I realize that idea is completely of the devil but where are the roots? What idea was planted and has been fed for so long to make people think it is okay and even a good thing?

Everyone has heard the saying, "the grass is greener on the other side" right? The other day I remembered a friend telling me of a conversation with some other women in her neighborhood about the characters in Twilight. Okay, not all the characters, just Edward and Jacob, the two main male characters that the main female character has to choose from. Well, one of these girls says, "if an Edward came along I would swoop him up in a heart beat!" What a horrible thing to say and horrible thought to entertain! You've already made your choice! It seems we battle with ingratitude on a regular basis. To be grateful or ungrateful, that is the question.

No wonder so many Prophets, if not all the Prophets talk about the importance of being grateful, developing an "attitude of gratitude"! No wonder.

It is kind of funny because we have all learned in one way or another that the grass really isn't always greener on the other side. There are so many things that go on in others' lives that we have no clue about. I have some talk's by Sheri Dew on CD and one thing that she says is, "I have never met anyone who was happier after they were unchaste, or disloyal or had an affair..." Isn't that the truth?! "Wickedness never was happiness"!

Gosh darn, if life is so short, have an affair with your spouse! Flirt, love, be secretive, call when you shouldn't, leave cute messages, meet them for lunch, make love during the day, go out on dates, meet at a hotel, buy them gifts, adore them, enjoy them etc! Focus where you promised to focus! You promised you would love them forever! Be loyal! Do it! Betcha they love you back and you love it!

What are your thoughts?

Posted by Becca :)

break a sweat doing something you love!

It has been quite sometime since I made THIS post and I've been thinking about it lately.

We all know life can be hard, marriage can be hard and sometimes you don't want to talk about it!

In the book "Marriage Fitness", Mort Fertel explains the philosophy that you need to "exercise" in marriage, you need to work at it but that sometimes you need to let go or at least not completely focus on the the"hot topics" and enjoy each other.

Trials come. They do, they have or they will. We still need to maintain and strengthen our marriage weather we are having a hard time or not. In his book he talked about a hard time he and his wife went through after they lost a child. They ran from each other. They hid behind work or other pursuits. Then they went to counseling. It was not what they needed. Their relationship was too weak to handle all the issues the counselor wanted to talk about. They needed to get back to the basics before they could face these problems.

That is how he came up with his philosophy of doing things everyday to show your spouse you care and then going on a weekly date and a getaway quarterly.

What has been on my mind lately is basically this. Face up to the hard things, recognize them, talk about them, then focus on enjoying each other, serving each other and loving each other. It is amazing how much nicer talking about the hard things is. Life lessons have to be learned, if they aren't then life will give us another opportunity to learn the same lesson in a different way.

We can help each other and love each other through the rough spots. That is just one reason I love being married. I've just noticed though, that those spots get rougher when we neglect the basic needs of our relationship, spiritually, emotionally, or physically.

I am SO glad I'm married to Zach and that on days that I am so not an attractive wife he still wants to be married to me. :) I am also glad that he is willing to learn right along with me what it takes to make our marriage successful and happy.

What are some ways that you and your spouse work through hard times? What do you love doing together that you both find rejuvenating? How do you assess how you are doing?

write it down and then do it

The apple for the day is:

Ask your spouse what some of their favorite things are that you do for them. Write them down. These can be romantic, sweet, fun, spontaneous, etc. The next thing is divide up that list and put them on your calendar to remember to do for them! I know writing things down helps me a TON! Don't let your spouse see it if you don't want to. Every once in a while send them a little note of anticipation that you are going to do one of their favorite things that night or that weekend, etc!

a few tears later...

I read THIS blog yesterday and to say I bawled is putting it lightly! The entry I read took me a few attempts to finish because, well I'm a mom. It was worth it though. It probably hit home so much because we have three kids too. It kills me what this man must me going through, having just lost his wife! -and right before mother's day too.

Throughout the post there were several things that hit home. The regret he felt for not spending more time. But how glad for the things they did do. How grateful he was for good family support. How his faith and testimony have been and he knows, will be a strength to him. (to name a few)

It is SO sad when things like this happen. I just have to say that we should all be grateful and love our spouse more and our kids more. -say the nice things that come to mind and put aside the seemingly necessary and urgent things more often to spend quality time together.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with thinking about that. We will have far less regrets if we cherish each other like today is our last day...plus we will have a better relationship if we do.

last day.

Supposing today were your last day on earth,

The last mile of the journey you’ve trod;

After all of your struggles, how much are you worth?

How much can you take home to God?

Anonymous

I read this yesterday and it's a good reminder to break things down and put things into perspective. If today were your last day on earth what would you do?

The apple for the day is: think about it and then act like it. :)

your wedding day!

How much time, thought, energy, etc did you put into planning your wedding? Think about it. You and yours spent quite a bit of time thinking of every little detail and then executing it, right? I loved it though! It was a lot I will admit while trying to keep my job at the same time but I loved it. I was so looking forward to the day and thinking about every detail made me giddy!

Friday we went to the Northern Utah Marriage Celebration held at Weber State. There were 4 workshops and at the end of the evening the keynote speakers were John and Kim Bytheway. Gosh, we had a great time! We learned some good stuff too. Zach missed his Elders Quorum b-ball game for it. This is HUGE I want you to know! :) (I think he was secretly embarrassed to be going to this instead of to his ball game, but in the end he was glad he went-don't tell him I said that!)

Quoting from John-"it has been said that most people spend more time planning their wedding day than they do their marriage."

Yes, I realize that planning ahead means being proactive and thinking about the future. But I will also point out that even though it is crazy planning a wedding, we still found time to do that!

So, what kind of life do you want? No, I am not asking what about the vacations you want to take together or what you want to do when you are 50 exactly. I am asking what you want the day to day to be like. Those decisions shape the future. Do you want to have a happy home filled with fun and laughter? Do you want to be loving, kind and romantic? Do you want to be adventurous together by trying new things or enjoying hobbies or outdoor recreation together? Do you want to be faithful, attending church, Temple and holding regular FHE, scripture study and prayer?

There are probably a host of other questions I could spout but this has really gotten me thinking. I was picky about certain things when I was the bride to be. I thought about details and I wanted things a specific way. I made lists, discussed them with Zach and so on.

Life, if we are going to have it as close to the way we want it, then we are going to have to plan for it. This discussion might just be more important than a favorite T.V. show. Just sayin'. :)

Well, that's more like a fruit basket than AN APPLE :)

in the red?

Have you ever heard of the "love bank" philosophy/analogy?

Well, I have been thinking about this the today. Last night Zach and I were going to spend some time together after the kids were in bed-talking about our week and such and so forth. (He started taking a class to get some letters after his name and it is going to take a lot of time and be a little crazy.-like three nights a week for three hours, plus study and tests, plus young mens kind of crazy.) So this time was important to both of us.

We email my brothers who are both on missions on Sunday. Zach sends them a sports update and I just email whatever I want. :) Anyway, he finished and I was working on my post for today...and then I had to email and I doddled and he went to bed without us even having our nice Sunday evening time. All because my priorities were out of order.

Talk about a withdrawal! I came to bed feeling bad. I climbed into bed and what does he do? He wakes up enough to wrap his arms around me and hold me before falling back to sleep. While he slept I thought of how lucky I am to be married to such a patient and forgiving guy! And I also thought about how I could make it up to him. That is where the love bank thing comes in.

Some withdrawals are little and some are big. We are best off realizing them for what they are and making deposits to build our love accounts back up.

If you have been married for a while then you have probably experienced a time or two that you were both on each others nerves, easily irritated or even hot headed with each other. These are times when you both can realize that there is a huge need for a deposit, or two, or three. :)

The apple for the day? Figure out what those deposits are! What does your spouse need and love? What do you need and love? Start making deposits today!

Maybe your love bank levels are low or are maybe in the red. You might not even feel like you can talk to your spouse about this...now would be a good time to try and experiment. Make some serious deposits. See what they do.

Sometimes when things aren't going the way we might want, it is hard not to be selfish and say that "they" need to put forth some effort too. This is true- they do. Be the first though.

...the people perish!

Growing up one of my favorite things to do with my dad was building a snow slide. He would pile up the snow in the backyard and make an awesome slide for us to play on to our hearts content. I did. I. Loved. It.

I have had a good time doing the same with my kids. I do wish that I was as strong as my dad and making the slide wouldn't take me as long..:)

Anyway. To the point. I started building a slide one day while I was shoveling the drive way. I didn't look where the slide would have ended up, I was just piling up the snow...

Well, after piling for a bit, I looked up to see that this end of the slide was totally headed straight for that tree. You know what thought popped into my head?

"Where there is no vision, the people perish"! I honestly laughed out loud.

Lately I have tried to be better at creating a vision for my day and getting things done. Interesting though, the other day I had done some great things with the kids and it was only 9:30! I relaxed. Next thing I know it is noon and time to go get Ben. I accomplished just about jack! What happened? I hadn't decided what I was going to do with the rest of the morning so I sat down in front of the computer. Periodically I would get Josh and Sarah something else to do and went back to the computer. How embarrassing to admit this.

It is nice for me to be able to post about these things because I am able to process what is on my mind better.

I know that the devil is a master at distracting. Recognizing this is important because then we can figure out what distractions are affecting us and do better.

Back to the tree. Some things that we do daily literally lead us to a dead end and even will cause us harm. I think I do these "things" sometimes because that is what "everybody" else is doing.

Times are getting crazy people. We have to be able to think for ourselves and create our own visions. We hear this a lot from our church leaders. We need to take time to ponder-allow ourselves quiet time daily. During these quiet times we learn how the Spirit speaks to us. We can pray, we can ponder, we can ask for direction.

The apple for the day is: make time for yourself to think-without distractions. If there are things you feel are getting in the way of your progress, make steps to remove them or completely reposition yourself so they aren't a problem. Talk to your spouse about your goals. Things you need to do to make sure you get there and do it!

I'm In A Hurry

The apple for the day is: when you talk to your spouse next, instead of getting right to business, take a second and show them appreciation. If it is first thing in the morning cuddle them or, if you're already up, hold them for a minute and tell them how much you appreciate them and how glad you are to be married to them.

Is life crazy?

Sometimes life is just nuts. Work, family and church responsibilities definitely add up and sometimes equal craziness. I was talking to a few friends the other day, one of them works, her husband is the young mens president and they have a little boy. She just said, "he's busy, I hardly ever see him". I have heard this a lot lately. We are busy people. So busy that sometimes our marriages get put on the back burner and other times off the stove!

After this conversation among others, I found something that hit a chord and I think leads us to our answer of how we deal with these times.

In his book, "Be Master of Yourself"Elder Robert L. Backman tells this story: (oh, side note, he married me and Zach, so we are partial. :))

"When William Buchanan moved to Anchorage, Alaska, he assumed duties as chief of the Civilian Engineering Division of the Alaska Defense Communications Agency. That was a fancy title for a nuts-and-bolts job of maintaining a fleet of B-52s across a tremendous, often icebound area with little more than baling wire and adhesive tape. In fact, the job was such a man-killer that after a few frustrating days and sleepless nights, Buchanan called in his deputy assistant, Ed Gallant, to get some priorities.

Gallant said, "May I suggest priority one? Let's go fishing."

"What?" exclaimed Buchanan, but that Saturday, they took to the lake, where Gallant led them to school after school of migrating salmon.

Buchanan was nagged by guilt not to be at his desk, but then came the lesson.

Ed Gallant sat down on a fallen log in a cove and pointed. "Look carefully," he said. "just beneath the surface of the water are several huge salmon." Then he pointed to a ripple out in the channel where thousands of salmon were migrating upstream. He said, "they're fresh from the sea, and strong. But tomorrow they'll reach the Russian River Falls. They'll make desperate leaps up the face of the falls. Some of them will be too spent to make it, and they'll be dashed back against the rocks below. And then finally they'll die from sheer exhaustion."

He looked back toward the salmon in the cove and commented, "These are different. Some instinct has brought them to this quiet place. It's as if they know the falls are just ahead. Tomorrow they'll continue their migration, rested for whatever comes." (Reader's Digest, December 1983, p. 51.)

I loved this. The story applies to our individual lives as well as to our marriages. We need to take the time to rest, be together and build our relationship so we will have the strength for the "falls". The "apples" for the next little bit will be more focussed on this.

What is refreshing to you as a couple? What do you love to do together?

The apple for the day is: talk about this. If nothing comes to mind that is totally refreshing, that is okay, brainstorm and find something that you think you might love and try it.

I totally thought of my brother in law when I was posting this story, he will probably say "sweet, this means we should go fishing more!" lol!

some questions are worth answering...

What matters most? You might remember THIS video.

We know what President Monson believes matters most. Have we decided? Take some time to think about it. What is most important to you?

In THIS talk by President Uchtdorf he talks about slowing down and focusing on what is most important....especially if we are experiencing "turbulence" in our lives.

What is turbulence to you? a new baby, a new job, taxes, lost job, lost baby, financial difficulties, family troubles?

If you are...(and we all do at times, it is part of being mortal), then...

"Therefore, it is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions."

“We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.”

The holy scriptures and the spoken word of the living prophets give emphasis to the fundamental principles and doctrines of the gospel.

As we turn to our Heavenly Father and seek His wisdom regarding the things that matter most, we learn over and over again the importance of four key relationships: with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves. As we evaluate our own lives with a willing mind, we will see where we have drifted from the more excellent way. The eyes of our understanding will be opened, and we will recognize what needs to be done to purify our heart and refocus our life.

Brothers and sisters, indeed we have great reason to rejoice. If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most.

Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most."

It is Sunday...maybe you are reading this on Wednesday. There is no better time to refocus than now. We can all use a good refocusing...:) I have never forgotten when Sister Beck referred to "one of those private meetings between her and the Lord". That statement changed my perspective on the relationship I had and the relationship I could have with the Lord. We are His children and He would love to counsel us on the choices we are making in our lives.

Have a good week! :)

What Matters Most

I don't need to say anything else.

"Actions Speak LOUDER than words"

So this one is for the guys - at least that is my intent, but I know that just because I mentioned that, it may well be the topic of conversation from every female that reads this.......to their husband some time over the next 24 hours and.....For that - I'm sorry I just can't apologize guys, hunting season or not.

My "apple for the day" isn't just to do something that will be, or is nice for your wife, it is more. I must first give the credit and the inspiration behind this post to a great friend of ours.

It is along the lines of treating our wives like a princess or even better, like a Daughter of God, because that is who she really is!

Now, don't just read that last sentence and move on to this one - think about it for more than a second. Seriously!!! A Daughter of God - how would you treat her? How does God treat her? Do you think He would want you (and me for that matter) to treat her any different? Whoa - I think that brings a whole new level to what we say and do everyday to our wives.

Is anything we do in a day really that important if we aren't treating our wives the way God would want them to be treated? What is anything in this life worth if our wife isn't by our side or even worse, doesn't want to be? All because of how we treat them.......something to think about.

I know that when I thought of this, I was in for it for 2 reasons - #1 Because I can do WAY better and will now be required to....and #2 because every woman after reading this post will now EXPECT it. So, here is THE "Apple for the day" or maybe even year for that matter.

Treat your wife like a true daughter of God tomorrow or like a Princess, but do it in actions - for they truly do speak louder than words. You know your wife best (or at least you should) - think of the things you can do today and if you need to make a list, but truly make her feel the way she should tomorrow. It probably doesn't even need to be that long - just take some time and think for a few minutes about it.

I know we are all busy, but is that an excuse? I am sure that if you do it, you will not only notice how much she loves it, but that you will be the one who benefits the most because you will have done something that has been needed for a long time. Let me know how it goes and how you feel after you do this "Apple for the day."