decide.

If you decide to do something, the chances of you doing it are higher than if you didn't decide.

We learned this on Christmas. We visited both our families. We just didn't decide when we were going to leave my parents house to go to his. Yeah, we stayed at my parents longer than we should have but we never decided on a time to leave.

Thinking about this we had to say, "huh, it sure would have helped if we'd made a decision.".

Is there something you and your spouse want to do? have you mentioned it to each other and haven't decided how you're going to get it done? want to go on a great vacation? go to the Temple more? date night every week or month? family prayer and scripture study?

Answer these questions:
who is in charge of planning?
who gets the sitter?
who calls the family together?
what time?
what day?
when do we start?

Write it down! Put it on the calendar! Do it!

the wind

When thinking about what and how to start posting again the phrase, "I've had the wind knocked out of me" came to my mind. Although it doesn't really do it justice, it sort of does feel like that. When the wind is knocked out of you, you usually aren't expecting what is coming.

Yeah, I wasn't expecting this.

On the 10th I went to my appointment with my midwife. Just four weeks before we heard a good strong heartbeat. She put her instrument on my stomach and we couldn't hear a heartbeat. 20 weeks and 6 days and heartbroken.

The next day we went in for an ultrasound and had it confirmed that our baby girl had passed away.

It all seems like a blur and there are moments I am not sure all of this even happened.

We went in on Monday to deliver and she was born 31 hours later on Tuesday August 16th. We named her Lily Rebecca. She was 9 inches long and 9.9 ounces. We have a new respect for life and the true miracle that it is.

We feel blessed, we feel sad, we feel lost, we feel angry, we feel hope, we feel love....etc, etc, etc. I am honestly amazed at how I can feel all these emotions and then some, in just one minute.

Zach and I are not used to the walking roller coaster of a wife I've been lately. I laugh so easily and cry so easily. I leave the room when I want to and I feel that my tact of mind and mouth is slipping. :)

On Monday morning before we left for the hospital, I opened my scriptures up to Ether. I love the story of the brother of Jared. The two verses I read were so fitting and a wonderful reminder to me that I am not in charge. Ether 2:23,24.

This journey that has begun because of Lily is one I never thought I'd take. It is hard. I am so, so grateful that I have Zach by my side and so many around me to help, love and support-both from this side of the veil and the other.

When it's good. :)

This is a late Sunday post because I have something on my mind I would like to get out.

Today we went to a baby blessing for Zach's niece. Love that! While I was visiting with Zach's parents and his Aunt it came up that Zach's Aunt knows six girls, personally, that were married in the Temple and divorced within six months! ugh! That makes me so sad! -negative, I'll fix it!

We started talking about what I have been thinking about the last few days. (this blog is good for me :))

I've been thinking and analyzing: when things are going well with Zach and I and when they aren't and why that is. It's been interesting to do!

Things are good right now (as in today and this weekend. :)) and it isn't good because we don't have trials. We are happy and feel good because of the choices we are making....we choose to look out for each other and do things to help each other out. When we are doing this we are thinking less about ourselves. (problems tend to disappear when you do this)

When things aren't going so well with Zach and I, there is a lot of frustration, anger and resentment because we are worrying about what the other isn't doing for me. -selfish feelings.

In the beginning, before the world began Satan heard the Father's plan and thought, "what's in it for me? I want the glory, how is this going to benefit me?" What has that mentality brought him? A whole lot of misery! He surrounds himself with miserable things, people and spirits and does anything and everything to get others to be miserable too.

Contrast that with the Savior who said, "The glory be Thine forever". What has that mentality brought Him? Love beyond anything we can even comprehend and joy unspeakable! He spent His life serving and loving others. Yes, He suffered a great deal but who was it for? Others! Us, and Our Father in Heaven who our Savior loves more than life.

Selfishness breeds misery and destruction. Unselfishness breeds love and joy in a marriage. Zach and I are a work in progress. We are far from perfect and it is tough too because the adversary isn't going to leave us alone either. Where do you think those thoughts of, "if he really loved you he would take out the garbage without being asked" or "if she cared about you, she would make love whenever you want" and etc. etc. etc. come from???? Yeah, that miserable being that is bent on our unhappiness! You betcha! The devil and his minions!!!

What can we do to counter his tactics of deception?

1st step: recognize them and test them! The Spirit of Christ is given to every man! If the thoughts we have do not resemble the thoughts Christ would have or the things He would have us do, then they are adversarial.

2nd step: pray that we can come off conqueror. ask for help to see things as they really are.

3rd step: give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and try to understand where they are coming from.

4th step: remember that your spouse is not responsible for the way YOU respond/react or feel. You are!

5th step: love them. this is an action word! do something to show them you care!

6th step: forgive them because it is highly possible that "they know not what they do".

President Monson said, "choose your Love and love your choice". We have already chosen our Love. Now lets remember; "a successful marriage, requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person!"

Okay, you should win something for making it to the end of this post! Check out the last post and make a comment for your entrance in the giveaway! :)

what do you see?

So, you know that story where Jesus is in a house teaching (and it was probably a totally amazing sermon) and some people brought a man that was sick of palsy to be healed and they put him into the house through the roof?

You can read it HERE

I was reading a book the other day and they mentioned this account and it had never occurred to me that Jesus could have been super bugged. They totally interrupted Him you know! But the scriptures point out:

20And when he saw their faith, he said unto him, Man, thy sins are ^aforgiven thee.

24But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power upon earth to ^aforgive sins, (he said unto the sick of the palsy,) I say unto thee, Arise, and take up thy couch, and go into thine house.

25And immediately he rose up before them, and took up that whereon he lay, and departed to his own house, ^aglorifying God.

He simply saw what was good...He saw their faith! He chose to focus on what was good about the situation and blessed them for it! AWESOME!

Of course I immediately think of marriage, family and relationships of any and every kind! What if we all did this!? Follow the example of the Savior and when someone is doing something that could possibly bother us, look for the good!

The apple: is there something that your spouse has been doing lately that is getting to you? Take a step back, look for it, look for the positive. I bet you can find it! Then act on that in a truly Christlike fashion. Appreciate them and then bless them for it. Are they asking for your help? Do they possibly need your attention or some quality time? Oh, and in all seriousness, if this is hard in some situations, I am sure we can pray for help. The Lord can always help us see the good.

Example: if your spouse is taking lots of pictures of you, it is probably because they think you are rockin' awesome. You should see that and smile for the picture!

Just kidding, but seriously. :)

what we all want...

Did you ever see that movie with Will Smith called "The Pursuit of Happiness"? I did. I watched it because the title intrigued me. If we made a list of what we wanted in life, I think right at the top would be, "to be happy".

While reading the scriptures today I was falling asleep. I am sure none of you have ever done that but, I would nod off and then pick up where I left off and nod off again. It was really quality scripture time let me tell ya. :)

But then something woke me up. "And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness". (2 Ne. 5:27)

When I read that I did, I really woke up and started searching and pondering how they did that. I absolutely LOVE that we know what true happiness is and how to have it!

This was a time in Nephi's life that was full of change and I would imagine, was rather traumatic. His dad just died and now his older brother's are trying to kill him and so he packed up his family and they left. This is super sad!

This happiness isn't mentioned at the beginning of this chapter in his life, chapter five tells what they did to achieve it.

What I got out of it is that he "cried much unto the Lord",(vs. 1) (the Lord did not solve His problem but He gave Nephi direction)(vs.2) Nephi followed His guidance,(vs. 5, 6) kept the commandments in all things, (vs. 10) then they worked, studied the scriptures, they prospered,(vs. 11-13) prepared for emergencies, (vs. 14) learned new things and taught each other, (vs 15) built a Temple,(vs. 16) worked some more and encouraged his people to work,(vs 17) elected righteous leaders,(vs 18) recognized the fulfillment of prophecy,(vs. 19-20) ordained teachers (to teach)(vs. 26) AND then, "they lived after the manner of happiness"!(vs 27)

Nephi wasn't the only one who was happy. His family was happy too.

President Monson said once, "prayer isn't a substitute for service" or action. If Nephi had just prayed and listened and had not done anything, he would never have known such blessings. We must be "doers of the word and not hearers only".

I hope that I will be happier this week because I act on the promptings of the Spirit and follow Nephi's example. I'm glad I have a place to share this stuff. :) Have a great week!

am I ready?

I just watched THIS wonderful video called "They that are wise". It was three minutes and totally matches my thoughts tonight.

In the parable of the 10 virgins those who were ready and waiting had oil in their lamps. This type of oil comes over time. Through obedience, faith and service. Doing the "little" things is what deposit this oil in my lamp.

When the time comes to get up and literally follow the Savior, I MUST have the oil. It does little good to know where to get it!

I am glad I could share this. :)

Happy times...

So I came across THIS scripture in Alma: "But behold there never was a ^ahappier time among the people of Nephi, since the days of Nephi, than in the days of Moroni,"

It occurred to me that Moroni lived in a time of much contention and war.

Huh, well, so do I!

Why were the people so happy?

Chapters 48-50 are interesting to read with this question in mind.

A few things I picked out...

They were prepared to meet their enemies and when they weren't, they fixed the damage. We can anticipate some things and others we can't. But we can AND SHOULD have the faith that as we seek the guidance of the Lord and keep his commandments that we will prosper. We can do our best to be more like Moroni. No matter how good things were, they were always preparing. And it wasn't just Moroni that fortified their cities...they all helped. They listened to his instructions and went to work preparing.

I feel the most discouraged when I am not reading my scriptures (specifically the Book of Mormon) or the conference Ensign. I believe the reason why we have so many war chapters and stories in the scriptures is because they are for our day and we live in a time of physical and spiritual war. Fear is a tactic of our enemy. We can feel safety and even happiness as we listen to the council of our leaders and seek personal revelation as we read the scriptures. In our marriages, we can be happy even when times are hard.

As Elder Maxwell puts it:

"Brothers and sisters, by divine appointment, “these are [our] days” (Hel. 7:9), since “all things must come to pass in their time” (D&C 64:32). Moreover, though we live in a failing world, we have not been sent here to fail."

One more quote and I'll be done!

"We have work to do, you and I, so very much of it. Let us roll up our sleeves and get at it, with a new commitment, putting our trust in the Lord." -President Hinckley

Have a great week!

"win their heart"

I know it is date idea day. I will get to it, I promise!

The idea of "win their hearts" is found in the scriptures, HERE. I love it because, let us all recognize that sometimes marriage isn't easy. Sometimes we have to dig deep and think about where we are and how we individually can make things better.

I heard the concept of winning hearts at a Relief Society meeting. The speaker told a story about his teenage son that would not listen to him...good kid, just didn't really want to have much to do with his dad. This dad felt like he was doing good things, he tried to talk but to no avail. It was especially bad when he brought up the subject of a mission, boy did things get icy!

Well, this guy was reading and thinking about his son and when he read verse 29 the thought came to him...Boston Celtics!

So, he called up his friend, got some tickets to the game, invited his son to go...it was his favorite team after all. His son was surprised at the invitation but couldn't turn it down because it was HIS team! They went to dinner, the game and frozen custard afterward.(or maybe just the game and custard...I don't remember) No mention of a mission, they just talked, laughed and had a good time. After that his son started talking to HIM!..about a mission too! He was amazed at the difference doing something totally for his son made!

I can't tell you what your spouse loves, but hopefully you know. :) If you don't, that is okay...ask! Do something just for them! Plan it out, make an invite and DO IT! Show gratitude for them by doing something they love! Be unselfish. If you hate what they love, try to learn to love it. Ask them about it, let them teach you, let them talk. Enjoy being together and doing something for your spouse! Win their Heart!

There are quite a few who read this blog that I don't know or know of your marriage situation. I want to tell you something with all sincerity. If you are struggling and don't know how to reach your spouse; if you will pray and ask the Lord for guidance and then read Alma 17 in the Book of Mormon and think about what you can do for your spouse. You will get an answer. Believe that you will be guided and you will! The Lord loves you. He loves your spouse too. I pray that the Lord will bless your marriage. I do.