peace...

I really, really like the book The Peacegiver. You should read it-if you want to...never mind, you really should read it!

It is probably the best marriage/relationship book I've read-seriously. The author, James Ferrell uses the scriptures to help the reader understand the Atonement and how it really can "heal our hearts and homes".

It is about time for me to re-read it. Even though I read it a good 2 years ago, I still think about it. I make different choices because of what this book taught me...well, sometimes. :)

This book helped me to realize something. Comparing and competing have no place in any of our relationships. We are not going to be held responsible for the choices our spouse makes. We will be accountable for our own.

Sometimes we fall short, we all do. What matters is how we, individually, respond to these situations-whether we fall short or someone else does.

Anyway, read that book and then tell me how much you loved it!

Considering...

Yesterday was Mother's Day and I didn't look at the computer all weekend. We stayed busy all weekend. I was so glad we were able to sneak in a date though.

Zach did so much to make Mother's day nice for me. In thinking about an apple for today. Consider your weekend. Did your spouse do a lot for you? Or did you find yourself unhappy with something?

Okay, it is a new week. Build on what happened. Good or bad. Whatever you do, make it better. If this means getting over lack of attention or if it means showing gratitude for all they did. Either way, build. Build up. In my mind I see myself making deposits. -doing things I know he would like.

Call them today, tell them how grateful you are for them and how glad you are to be married to a wonderful person. Ask them if they'd like something special for dinner. Have a note waiting on your bed expressing gratitude for something, even if it is little. Give them a nice welcome home or see you later. Have a great Monday!

what do you see?

So, you know that story where Jesus is in a house teaching (and it was probably a totally amazing sermon) and some people brought a man that was sick of palsy to be healed and they put him into the house through the roof?

You can read it HERE

I was reading a book the other day and they mentioned this account and it had never occurred to me that Jesus could have been super bugged. They totally interrupted Him you know! But the scriptures point out:

20And when he saw their faith, he said unto him, Man, thy sins are ^aforgiven thee.

24But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power upon earth to ^aforgive sins, (he said unto the sick of the palsy,) I say unto thee, Arise, and take up thy couch, and go into thine house.

25And immediately he rose up before them, and took up that whereon he lay, and departed to his own house, ^aglorifying God.

He simply saw what was good...He saw their faith! He chose to focus on what was good about the situation and blessed them for it! AWESOME!

Of course I immediately think of marriage, family and relationships of any and every kind! What if we all did this!? Follow the example of the Savior and when someone is doing something that could possibly bother us, look for the good!

The apple: is there something that your spouse has been doing lately that is getting to you? Take a step back, look for it, look for the positive. I bet you can find it! Then act on that in a truly Christlike fashion. Appreciate them and then bless them for it. Are they asking for your help? Do they possibly need your attention or some quality time? Oh, and in all seriousness, if this is hard in some situations, I am sure we can pray for help. The Lord can always help us see the good.

Example: if your spouse is taking lots of pictures of you, it is probably because they think you are rockin' awesome. You should see that and smile for the picture!

Just kidding, but seriously. :)

in the red?

Have you ever heard of the "love bank" philosophy/analogy?

Well, I have been thinking about this the today. Last night Zach and I were going to spend some time together after the kids were in bed-talking about our week and such and so forth. (He started taking a class to get some letters after his name and it is going to take a lot of time and be a little crazy.-like three nights a week for three hours, plus study and tests, plus young mens kind of crazy.) So this time was important to both of us.

We email my brothers who are both on missions on Sunday. Zach sends them a sports update and I just email whatever I want. :) Anyway, he finished and I was working on my post for today...and then I had to email and I doddled and he went to bed without us even having our nice Sunday evening time. All because my priorities were out of order.

Talk about a withdrawal! I came to bed feeling bad. I climbed into bed and what does he do? He wakes up enough to wrap his arms around me and hold me before falling back to sleep. While he slept I thought of how lucky I am to be married to such a patient and forgiving guy! And I also thought about how I could make it up to him. That is where the love bank thing comes in.

Some withdrawals are little and some are big. We are best off realizing them for what they are and making deposits to build our love accounts back up.

If you have been married for a while then you have probably experienced a time or two that you were both on each others nerves, easily irritated or even hot headed with each other. These are times when you both can realize that there is a huge need for a deposit, or two, or three. :)

The apple for the day? Figure out what those deposits are! What does your spouse need and love? What do you need and love? Start making deposits today!

Maybe your love bank levels are low or are maybe in the red. You might not even feel like you can talk to your spouse about this...now would be a good time to try and experiment. Make some serious deposits. See what they do.

Sometimes when things aren't going the way we might want, it is hard not to be selfish and say that "they" need to put forth some effort too. This is true- they do. Be the first though.

mad, irritated, etc?

"A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger". (Prov. 15:1)

Thanks to a dream I had last night I have been thinking about this scripture. Some bad situations can be made worse because of how we choose to respond.

Sometimes I don't respond the right way. I am not perfect. So what then?

Think the situation through again and respond the right way in your mind. Practice it in your mind. Ask for forgiveness if necessary. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again".

it happens.

The apple for the day is: say sorry. kiss and makeup.

If you don't have anything to apologize for then just kiss and make out. :)

#5

A long time ago I posted THIS and I continued to post on the six B's.

I did four of the six.

So, here is #5.

Be HUMBLE

I think Zach is such a good example of this.

The other day the sound we woke to was the kids screaming. So from the get go Zach was bugged. After I dressed I came out to see Zach, frustrated and trying to get the kids to choose the cereal they wanted.

I tagged his arm and said "tag team". He left the room without saying a word, showered, got ready, prayed and came back and told the kids he was sorry for the way he acted.

I was glad he wasn't mad at me! I was really amazed at how humble he was.

None of us are perfect but realizing that is the hard part for me. :)

The apple of the day: help each other out. Be humble and ask forgiveness.

just give in!

So last night we went to a friends house for cards again. We always have such a great time with them! Well, at the end of the night (12:30 AM) we were talking about next month when it will be at our house. Zach and I had talked about an idea to change things up a little and so I suggested it. When I said it, he looked at me and said "what?", just like he had never heard it before! I was so embarrassed and mad at him for not remembering our conversation. I got mad in front of everyone and felt even more dumb. (he didn't think I was really that upset so I must not have relayed how really stupid I felt) Then like ten minutes later he says "oh, yeah, I do remember that". I didn't even acknowledge his comment because I was so bugged.

What a rotten way to end a super fun night!

Well, we went home and I was bothered, we brushed our teeth and readied for bed and he said he was sorry. We talked about it for a minute, I said I was sorry too, but I still didn't feel much better.

We said our prayers and even after him saying "thanks" to Heavenly Father for such a great wife I still didn't feel much better.

Do you know what won me over? We got into bed and then he put his arm up on the pillow and said "can I hold you?". I felt so much better! I guess it was third times the charm or something!

I guess the choice just comes down to being sweet or stubborn. I think you feel better about yourself when you're sweet....and your spouse feels like the luckiest!

The apple for the day is: just give in! choose to forgive instead of feel lousy because of the other option! :)

I was such a victim!

This happened a while ago and I thought it was pretty typical and too funny not too share.

So one night I got into bed a few minutes before Zach. I was curled up facing the wall. He climbed into bed and curled up facing the other wall.

FYI; this sort of thing never happens. We usually talk, cuddle or kiss before we go to sleep...let a lone pray or read!

Okay, the night had been totally normal, we weren't upset with each other, so I was a little confused as to why he didn't even say anything to me!

I was laying there thinking to myself, "why is he being so rude? what did I do? Love you too! (getting more mad with each statement!) well, he's the Priesthood holder, it is his responsibility to make sure we pray! I'm not gonna say anything, if he's not!" I probably laid there and fumed for like 5 minutes and then I heard....him snore!!! He totally fell asleep! Here I was wasting my energy being mad and he was simply winding down for a snooze!

The next morning I asked him about it and he said, "oh, I thought you were praying or something!"

Pride! Isn't it a killer!

The apple for the day? : if something like this happens today or this week, remember my story and chill out! Let go of your pride and talk to your spouse. Chances are there is nothing to be mad about! :)