in a rut?

Do you see that large belly I'm sporting?  (3 more weeks-ish!)  Oh gee, I'm getting huge and it seems with that, for me, comes feeling overwhelmed.  I get frustrated because I can't do or be everything.

So, a rut is a good way to describe the current predicament.  (not to say I am not completely excited for this lil' babe to arrive because that would be way off!)

For Zach and I, there have been different times when we have felt in a rut in our marriage.  There is a wide variety of reasons.  Honestly, the reasons don't matter.  No one likes to be in a rut.  Besides, if we focus on the reasons why we're in a rut, I think it's harder to get out.  We should focus on what can build us back up.

So, here are some apples I've come up with:

* Focus on the good that both of you are doing.  Recognize it (be specific) out loud or write it down.

* Do something random.  Our random the other night was playing Monopoly.  Long game, super fun!  I'd recommend setting a timer or time limit! :) (we played til after midnight and I was so exhausted of course I went bankrupt!)

* Think about what you haven't been doing.  (kissing on the lips at night before sleep, praying on your knees, how long has it been since you've been out on a date?, have you asked him/her how you can help them out?, what is your "welcome home" ritual like these days?)  What can you add back in?

* Put a note under their dinner plate, in their shoes, dry erase marker on the mirror, or on the steering wheel that tells them how they rock your world.  (this sort of thing is easier if you've been doing the first apple.)

* Bring a small token gift home or make one.  I think a lot about food lately, so pick em' up a treat or make one.  Be sure to tell them you were thinking of them.

What sorts of things help you when you're in a rut?  Here's hoping this week is a lovely one for you!

what will we say?

I LOVE this talk!  Since it is Pioneer day this week i decided to post this one.  Our pioneer ancestors went through so very much.  we would do well to ponder on their faith and courage more often.  when faced with difficult times what if they had turned back?  their determination is above admirable and is most definitely worthy of emulation.  our marriages and many other aspects of our lives would be better for it.

Besides, unless we are filled with resolve, what will we say to the heroes and heroines of Martin’s Cove and the Sweet water? That “we admire you, but we are reluctant to wade through our own rivers of chilling adversity”?

Brothers and sisters, by divine appointment, “these are [our] days” (Hel. 7:9), since “all things must come to pass in their time” (D&C 64:32). Moreover, though we live in a failing world, we have not been sent here to fail.

Regarding trials, including of our faith and patience, there are no exemptions—only variations (see Mosiah 23:21). These calisthenics are designed to increase our capacity for happiness and service.

no, this is not a marriage talk.  but i feel like anything that strengthens my faith and my resolve is healthy for my marriage.  when i think about hard times in my marriage and how we've come through them, i know we are happier after...and stronger too.  have you experienced that?  do you know what i mean?  

well, happy reading!

a new beat...

You know when something in life just gets thrown at you and you think to yourself, "okay, this will be different."? Could be, job change, new calling, family challenges due to illness or lasting contention, sudden decision to go back to school, kids (really anything that has to do with them. :))...etc.

I like to think of these times as seasons in our lives. The way I see it is it's a new song or a new beat that we need to learn how to dance to-together.

There have been a few moments within the last few months that I have thought the above phrase. Specifically when we lost Lily there were a few times when I was scared. Scared because I realized how differently Zach and I were dealing with things and I felt us pulling apart. Yeah, last thing both of us wanted but we didn't really know what to do.

The KEY has been communication. We both admitted to each other that we felt the distance increase and we didn't like it. But because we have talked about it and prayed for help, the distance decreases. Not that it doesn't try to creep back in though. But we keep coming back together and keep trying to learn this new dance.

Do you relate? Did this make sense?

oh gosh!

I can't believe that last post! Yes, there was good stuff but it just seemed negative.

Sorry about that.

I really shouldn't have posted that day. Zach and I have both been having a hard time lately with different things and some things we share. It has seemed like we have been on a teeter totter. One day he is up and helping me when I'm down and then the next day he's down. Man oh man we are having a ride! :)

Thank goodness we have conference and inspired leaders! It was interesting to sit down last night and talk about everything with our notes in front of us and be able to apply the things we heard right then. We are SO blessed to have the restored gospel and wonderful leaders who are willing to sacrifice so much of themselves to lead. So blessed.

Anyway, I hope this week is a wonderful week for you! I hope you spend a minute everyday admiring your spouse. That's the best. :)

having a hard time?

is your spouse having a hard time? don't make it worse, make it better. encourage them. leave them notes and do favors for them without complaining. If you can, laugh.

sometimes when life is hard we "know the Lord will help us" but we don't ask. ASK! Ask for the help you and your spouse need. Act like you believe that help will come. Pray throughout the day for your spouse and then make a point to listen to the promptings you receive.

the wind

When thinking about what and how to start posting again the phrase, "I've had the wind knocked out of me" came to my mind. Although it doesn't really do it justice, it sort of does feel like that. When the wind is knocked out of you, you usually aren't expecting what is coming.

Yeah, I wasn't expecting this.

On the 10th I went to my appointment with my midwife. Just four weeks before we heard a good strong heartbeat. She put her instrument on my stomach and we couldn't hear a heartbeat. 20 weeks and 6 days and heartbroken.

The next day we went in for an ultrasound and had it confirmed that our baby girl had passed away.

It all seems like a blur and there are moments I am not sure all of this even happened.

We went in on Monday to deliver and she was born 31 hours later on Tuesday August 16th. We named her Lily Rebecca. She was 9 inches long and 9.9 ounces. We have a new respect for life and the true miracle that it is.

We feel blessed, we feel sad, we feel lost, we feel angry, we feel hope, we feel love....etc, etc, etc. I am honestly amazed at how I can feel all these emotions and then some, in just one minute.

Zach and I are not used to the walking roller coaster of a wife I've been lately. I laugh so easily and cry so easily. I leave the room when I want to and I feel that my tact of mind and mouth is slipping. :)

On Monday morning before we left for the hospital, I opened my scriptures up to Ether. I love the story of the brother of Jared. The two verses I read were so fitting and a wonderful reminder to me that I am not in charge. Ether 2:23,24.

This journey that has begun because of Lily is one I never thought I'd take. It is hard. I am so, so grateful that I have Zach by my side and so many around me to help, love and support-both from this side of the veil and the other.

It's not easy being sick

I think I have the flu. Yeah, pretty sure.

Whenever something out of the ordinary happens to me-like getting sick, I think of how things like this effect my life. My life as a mother and a wife especially. I get so needy and less able to do anything. I put our two year old down for a nap and then went to bed. Ben and Sarah came and woke me up here and there with little needs but for the most part I stayed resting with no interruptions. I talked to Zach and he said he'd come home early and take care of dinner. I felt miserable. I looked miserable.

From 12:30 on I moved from one couch or bed to another to watch the kids. When Zach got home he took care of everything. After taking care of me in the morning, taking Ben to school and then working hard all day, he had to come home and take care of everything again. Long day for him.

How do things like this effect marriage?

I tried to do my best and read to the kids, let them put dress ups on my head. I did ask nicely for things and say thank you but that isn't much. Honestly though, sometimes life is just hard. We do our best and make sure to ask nicely and say thank you when someone helps us out. Being grouchy never helped anyone.

Through it all though, being truly grateful and expressing it as much as possible does a lot for both the giver and the receiver. When I have days like this I am SO grateful for Zach. He is so great to me and to the kids. The way he involved them in getting ready for dinner, cleaning up, making a treat and the whole bit. All the while I sat on the couch admiring this total hottie that is my husband and feeling super lucky.

Now I'm going back to bed. Here's hoping sleep comes and stays tonight.

When it's good. :)

This is a late Sunday post because I have something on my mind I would like to get out.

Today we went to a baby blessing for Zach's niece. Love that! While I was visiting with Zach's parents and his Aunt it came up that Zach's Aunt knows six girls, personally, that were married in the Temple and divorced within six months! ugh! That makes me so sad! -negative, I'll fix it!

We started talking about what I have been thinking about the last few days. (this blog is good for me :))

I've been thinking and analyzing: when things are going well with Zach and I and when they aren't and why that is. It's been interesting to do!

Things are good right now (as in today and this weekend. :)) and it isn't good because we don't have trials. We are happy and feel good because of the choices we are making....we choose to look out for each other and do things to help each other out. When we are doing this we are thinking less about ourselves. (problems tend to disappear when you do this)

When things aren't going so well with Zach and I, there is a lot of frustration, anger and resentment because we are worrying about what the other isn't doing for me. -selfish feelings.

In the beginning, before the world began Satan heard the Father's plan and thought, "what's in it for me? I want the glory, how is this going to benefit me?" What has that mentality brought him? A whole lot of misery! He surrounds himself with miserable things, people and spirits and does anything and everything to get others to be miserable too.

Contrast that with the Savior who said, "The glory be Thine forever". What has that mentality brought Him? Love beyond anything we can even comprehend and joy unspeakable! He spent His life serving and loving others. Yes, He suffered a great deal but who was it for? Others! Us, and Our Father in Heaven who our Savior loves more than life.

Selfishness breeds misery and destruction. Unselfishness breeds love and joy in a marriage. Zach and I are a work in progress. We are far from perfect and it is tough too because the adversary isn't going to leave us alone either. Where do you think those thoughts of, "if he really loved you he would take out the garbage without being asked" or "if she cared about you, she would make love whenever you want" and etc. etc. etc. come from???? Yeah, that miserable being that is bent on our unhappiness! You betcha! The devil and his minions!!!

What can we do to counter his tactics of deception?

1st step: recognize them and test them! The Spirit of Christ is given to every man! If the thoughts we have do not resemble the thoughts Christ would have or the things He would have us do, then they are adversarial.

2nd step: pray that we can come off conqueror. ask for help to see things as they really are.

3rd step: give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and try to understand where they are coming from.

4th step: remember that your spouse is not responsible for the way YOU respond/react or feel. You are!

5th step: love them. this is an action word! do something to show them you care!

6th step: forgive them because it is highly possible that "they know not what they do".

President Monson said, "choose your Love and love your choice". We have already chosen our Love. Now lets remember; "a successful marriage, requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person!"

Okay, you should win something for making it to the end of this post! Check out the last post and make a comment for your entrance in the giveaway! :)