Everybody has hard days and sometimes months or years.
Marriage has up and down times. What's weird is that sometimes we aren't even aware of the kind of time we are having.
This is true for me at least.
It seems that all of a sudden, I realize that Zach and I aren't laughing or enjoying each other, that we are practically all business. "Hey, how was your day?" -no hug, kiss or cuteness...I'm too busy with dinner or I'm too tired to get up from the table or I'm bugged he's late and we are already eating and I'm famished (he isn't hungry though, he's just been at work all day, because he loves to stay at the office much longer than he planned and come home to an easily irritated wife).
I'm not sure why I notice these things "all of a sudden", I just do sometimes.
After the realization comes the choice. There is always a choice.
Sometimes I don't choose wisely. I just don't.
Looking back at all unwise decisions, I realize that my worst enemy is always there at the point of decision to put thoughts into my head that don't seem too shocking so I let them stay.
I also let these thoughts steer me away from Zach and more to my selfish self. That is one way we can judge if the thoughts we are thinking are adversarial or not. The adversary is a jerk. He does not want me to have a happy marriage. One way he can accomplish this is by planting thoughts in my head that lead me to think that my life is all about me and that I am more important than everyone. Pride and selfishness. Yep, that'll do it.
So yes, the adversary is a jerk and therefore I have bad days.
Back to the choice. If we do ourselves a favor and make the choice daily, it is much easier. Choose to love our spouse and show it.
This does not mean we overdo. It does mean that we do something. Anything to show our spouse they are an important part of our lives. How do you do this? I really want to know. What are those difference makers for you?
The more consistent we are in this choice and in the actions that refect this choice, the better things will be. Downs are ineveitable because of the world we live in. The way we live daily will help prepare us for the hard times.
I have much more to say on the subject, this post will have to be continued. :)
Until then,
Remember that little things make a big difference!
Becca :)
4 comments:
for me, with caleb gone as much as he is right now, i have to remember that our time together needs to be positive. if it's negative or even neutral, it may be days before we have a chance to fix that. i try to let him know every time he crosses my mind, with a quick text or email, that i'm thankful for him and thinking of him. i try to resolve my issues with the day in my own way as much as i can so that when i do discuss things with him, i can be rational and reasonable, rather than emotional and unpleasant. that doesn't always happen for sure :). but it sure helps when it does happen. thanks for this post, the moment of choice is so important...thank you for the reminder.
I try to think of something every day I could do that would make my husband happy. Something that is not for my benefit at all-only for him. Also, I have an alarm set for the exact time he leaves work every day to remind myself to freshen up and get ready- physically, mentally, and emotionally-for him when he arrives home.
I've had to fight hard to not be selfish in my marriage, because that's so easy for me. Even though I've only been married 4 months I've learned a few things and really my eyes were opened when we celebrated Joeys birthday last week. I didn't want him or me to be in a grumpy mood I wanted him to have a special day. That day he prayed that I would feel special too, and that just broke my heart when I thought how selfish I was being. So that day I decided everyday I needed to celebrate him and be grateful for him and make him feel special, not necessarily giving him physical gifts but giving him the gift of love, charity, trust, etc.. that's what I learned.
Thank you for these comments ladies! I can glean such wisdom from each of you.
Perfection isn't exactly what we're going for, it is good effort consistently. We will find in the end that we are closer to perfect because we kept trying and never gave up.
Thank you for your ideas and thoughts!
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