here we go!

it feels good to be blogging some apples again!  here are some ideas for the week!

*flip a coin for who's planning date night for the week (that includes getting the sitter)

*do they have something big going on? -with work, with the kids?  make a point to ask them about it and give them your undivided attention while they are talking.

*make a meal that you have together even more special by making the table and food look that way.  go the extra mile and put a note under their plate or use special dishes.

*when you meet after some time a part, be sure to say something positive first. ie. "i'm glad you're home.", "i've looked forward to you coming home all day", "i've missed you", "thanks for working so hard", "having you home is a breath of fresh air".  ONLY say things if you mean it!  BUT, there is always something nice you can say!...think first.

*put a note in a random place that says something specific you love/appreciate about them. (on their steering wheel, bathroom mirror, shower wall, in their shoe..etc.)

*next time you are watching t.v. together, ask them if they'd like a foot, back, shoulder massage while you watch.

*ask them if they need you to do anything for them that day or this week.  then do it!

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!  HERE'S TO A HEALTHIER MARRIAGE!

persistence

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but our ability to do it has increased." -Emerson

The Apple for the Day: Be nice to your spouse! :)

Spouse inventory!

As 2011 comes to a close, it is a great time to take a spouse inventory.
This apple might not be what you think. I am not suggesting you take an inventory of your spouse, (because that is too easy) I am suggesting, you take an inventory of how you are as a spouse.
Because I don't know the details of you lives I will try to be more specific than I am vague in this suggestion. :)
So try this on for size.
Think about the last time you spoke to your spouse.
*What were you thinking about?
*What can my spouse do for me? OR *What can I do for my spouse?
*How were you talking?
*respectfully? OR *disrespectfully?
*Were you encouraging OR *discouraging?
Okay, how about the last time you were in their presence.
Did you initiate physical touch? *kiss them hello or goodbye? *reach out and take their hand? *give a friendly bum slap?
*Did you express love and appreciation?
*Did you look for a way to help or serve them?
*Did you listen or do all the talking?

We live in a world that is really good at placing blame on other people. It is all too easy to do this in our own lives. In the end though what other people do is not what we are responsible for. We are responsible for what we do.
What are YOU doing to make your marriage stronger?
What are YOU doing to love and support your spouse?
I am in no way saying that this is always easy, especially because we are trained in the world we live in to absolve responsibility for our actions if we were wronged first.
But, we do follow the Savior Jesus Christ and He has shown us a better way, the only way. To take the higher road. Not the easiest way all the time.
He has also taught to forgive. Forgive your spouse and forgive YOURSELF. If the answers to these questions were not what you wanted that is not the issue any more. Now the issue is, what will you do about it.
This is an eye opening apple. I hope you do it. I hope we all consistently do it and then do better. That's the idea right?
What questions would you add to this list? What new years resolutions do you have set to help better your marriage?

Do your math

One day while making dinner I heard our two year old crying, the sound was getting closer so I knew he was coming upstairs. I also knew that whatever had happened was my older sons fault because I knew they were playing rough down stairs.
They slowly appeared at the top of the stairs, Ben comforting Josh and and Josh crying. I looked at this scene and the thought came to me, "add to the good you see, don't add to the negative". This was and is an inspired thought. I had two choices, I could have said, "what did you do?!" and flipped out and I could have said, "thank you for helping and comforting your brother, would you like to tell me what happened?"
Since this afternoon I have thought about this. Knowing the little I do about math, I know that 2+2=4 and that 2-2=0 and that if you keep subtracting, you get negatives. The same is true in our relationships and interactions.
This does not mean that we don't discuss the negative we see, we just need to do it when we aren't mad and in a positive way.

some days...

you see your spouse a lot and other days you really don't. those are the days you just do the best you can to make the most of the time you have.

the last few days have been that way for Zach and I.

yesterday I thought about what Nephi said a lot...."and it came...to pass."

Remembering that seasons/times in my life won't last forever somehow makes it easier to keep going.

I do have to say I LOVED this apple that Zach did for me the other day. I was doing the dinner dishes and he came up beside me and said "can I take over?", "do you want to go read or something?" I couldn't help but grin! "heck yeah!" I was thinking. :)

Although you have minimal time sometimes, there is still always time for kindness and courtesy.

Hope that gives you an idea for an apple today. :)

a question...

What are you doing to make your marriage better?/stronger?/happier?

I love these questions and others like them because it puts the responsibility where it should be. It doesn't matter what your spouse is doing. You won't be held responsible for that anyway. What am I doing? Good question! Answer it!

I am convinced that a daily attitude of appreciation and service for your spouse is what makes a happy marriage.

I hope this is a start of a great week for you! Happy Halloween!

so we all have a sign hanging around our necks...

...it says "make me feel good about myself". Did you know that?

When I imagine that about someone I am so much nicer to them.

Don't you love being around people who are nice to you? Who make you feel like you are awesome, funny, cool, spiritual, crafty, good looking, talented, funny? (yes, I said that twice. :))

The apple for the day is: imagine that sign around your spouses neck. Ready, go.

remember the beginning?

Last week I mentioned what happens in the beginning. I am a believer (and I actually think I heard somewhere) that if the first five minutes of your day or first interaction with someone is sour-that's a preview of how the rest of the day will be. Yes, I've posted this before. It is something I need to remember so I'm posting it again.

So, the apple for the day is: start your day off with kind words. welcome your spouse home with a hug and a super. long. nice. kiss. And if something is on your mind that must be discussed, do it later. Make your first words nice words. Pay attention to the first five minutes and treat it carefully. Laugh, be understanding, appreciative, sweet...what else would you add to that list? What helps to make your time together better?

Here's to a good week. ;)

a little extra...

You know those times your spouse is rubbing your feet, your back or whatever and you wish they would do it forever?

The apple for the day is: do what your spouse loves and just when you are getting tired of doing it but they are enjoying themselves...keep going for a little bit longer. You can do it. :)

what helps?

So the other day I had accomplished "things". I know I did.

Then afternoon hit. Me and the kids ate early because they were "starving".

The house was a disaster. -dishes everywhere, clutter everywhere. the kids were driving me and each other nuts.

Zach was late.

I gave each child their designated area and activity and I found a couch and parked it.

Then I got a text.

"great day at the office. see you in 27 minutes.....and i CANNOT wait either. you are my whole world becca nielson-I LOVE YOU!!!"

Wanta know what I did? cleaned the house.

I think I was still sitting on the couch when he got home, but i was reading a book to the kids. He told me I was a "total hottie" when he walked in too. :) ( I had done my hair-rare. )

Interesting what a nicely written text did. He didn't know he was going to come home to an exhausted wife and a messy house. It was like his text gave me the benefit of the doubt...like he knew life was good at home, with me. It motivated me to get off my rear. And he came home to a much better situation.

It just goes to show that kindness does make a difference and a lot of times the person who issued the kindness does benefit too.

What good does it do?

So, we don't live exactly close to a cheap grocery store. Zach was going to be down town picking up some things at Home Depot for the latest project of a chicken coup so I asked him to pick up a much needed item for me. He said "sure", I said "thanks" and then forgot about it.

...and so did he.

He worked a long hard day on this chicken coup and I took care of the kids, put them to bed, got ready for the next day and cleaned.

Do you know how many times I wanted to send him a text that said, "yeah, thanks for picking that up for me. -preciate it."

Do you know what helped me not to? The question in the title. When I ask myself "what good would it do?" I definitely don't press send.

Zach is the nicest guy on the planet. I can give him the benefit of the doubt, get over it and think about something that would do good.

The end. :)

one liner

I love "one liners". No, I'm not thinking pick up line, just a quick line that I can remember.

Over the weekend one came to mind that I am going to do better with this week....

"Be quick to compliment and slow to criticize". Susan Tanner said that.

Don't you love it!? So, because that is what I'm working on, I thought I'd pass it along! :)

Happy Monday!

magic words...

This apple might sound simple...but sometimes it's not.

The apple for the day and everyday is : Say please and thank you.

It can be as simple as "pass the salt please" or "can you please move over?"

Please and thank you change a demand to a request.

There you go. Please say please and thank you for saying thank you. :)

What do they love?

Ask yourself this question, "What does my spouse love that I do for them?"

The apple for the day is: DO THAT LIKE CRAZY! Have fun!

quick and easy

The Apple of the day is:

first thing when you see them today (or talk to them, if you aren't going to see them)

give them a kiss and tell them how awesome they are and how much you love being around them!

Think about it and be sincere. :)

Hunger Games...

Oh man, Zach took the kids for almost the whole day on Saturday and let me read the first book of The Hunger Games!! He took me on a three clue hunt for my book and when I found it there was a note inside saying enjoy an uninterrupted two hours with your reading! Now that is bliss!

I kept looking for, listening for and having the urge to check on the kids but they weren't even home! Instead of two hours of reading I got six! It was so nice!

Now what to do for him?! Any ideas?

The Tongue of Angels

When I got to thinking about a good talk I could post for this week, THIS talk by Elder Holland came to my mind. I started reading it and lets just say...it was a good reminder for me! ...mostly as a mom but as a wife too. I do need to consider carefully the words that I say and how I say them!

If only I could see this picture in my mind when she has unraveled all the dental floss again, flushed a car down the toilet or when he is talking back. I see this picture and remember that what I am blessed with is a piece of Heaven in my home! They are learning how to speak from me! They are learning how to love from me! Oh no, I'm not overwhelmed! :)

"An apple a day"

What is that something around the house they seem to always beat you to cleaning/fixing or doing? Beat them to it today. Clean the toilet, wash the dishes, make the bed.

"An apple a day"

Try to outdo your spouse in kindness.