a happy marriage

I am of the opinion that one of the cutest couples ever is President Hinckley and his wife Marjorie.

You know that he said that they NEVER had an argument. Zach and I haven't either but we've only been married 6 years! We have looked up to them and want to be like them!

I love this quote by President Hinckley. It is found in THIS talk.
"I have long felt that the greatest factor in a happy marriage is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. In most cases selfishness is the leading factor that causes argument, separation, divorce, and broken hearts."

Now who doesn't want a happy marriage?!

a great question!

Zach gave me a book for Valentines day by Wendy Watson Nelson (Elder Nelson's wife) called "Change your questions, change your life". I really enjoy this book!

I ran across this question and thought it was applicable to pose on this blog to all of us.

"What do I do that helps my spouse feel the most loved?"

The apple for the day: is to consider this question. Perhaps even ask your spouse.

Something simple...

Next time your spouse hears you pray, pray for them. Express gratitude for anything they have done that day or the kind of person they are. This can be done at the dinner table, morning prayer or evening prayer. Just do it!

Hit a tree, or ski!

My senior year in high school a couple of my friends took me skiing at Alta. I had never been before....and haven't been since! :)

I was quite nervous about the undertaking to be honest. I think I told everyone I talked to that I was sure I would hit a tree!

No one was super shocked to hear that I did!!!...along with fall off a cliff and almost hit the side of the mountain, covered in rocks! I got stitches in my armpit too!

About a year after this happening I was carpooling to Weber State with a friend who is in a wheelchair and is nothing short of amazing! She was the one driving us to school. She ski's too. Well, we were talking about skiing and since I had only been skiing once, I only had one story to share. I told her that I knew I was going to hit a tree that day and she said, "if you think you will and you focus on it, you'll hit it". She has taught me more than one lesson about goal setting since then, and her point is very valuable. I was set on having a difficult time skiing that day and I did. I decided to hit a tree and I did!

In our lives, something is going to happen, lets choose positive things we would like to see happen and work towards them!

The apple for the day is: think about the mountains you'd like to climb, the things you would like to do and talk to your spouse about them. Set some goals and begin working for them...together!

I was such a victim!

This happened a while ago and I thought it was pretty typical and too funny not too share.

So one night I got into bed a few minutes before Zach. I was curled up facing the wall. He climbed into bed and curled up facing the other wall.

FYI; this sort of thing never happens. We usually talk, cuddle or kiss before we go to sleep...let a lone pray or read!

Okay, the night had been totally normal, we weren't upset with each other, so I was a little confused as to why he didn't even say anything to me!

I was laying there thinking to myself, "why is he being so rude? what did I do? Love you too! (getting more mad with each statement!) well, he's the Priesthood holder, it is his responsibility to make sure we pray! I'm not gonna say anything, if he's not!" I probably laid there and fumed for like 5 minutes and then I heard....him snore!!! He totally fell asleep! Here I was wasting my energy being mad and he was simply winding down for a snooze!

The next morning I asked him about it and he said, "oh, I thought you were praying or something!"

Pride! Isn't it a killer!

The apple for the day? : if something like this happens today or this week, remember my story and chill out! Let go of your pride and talk to your spouse. Chances are there is nothing to be mad about! :)

What's for dinner?

All our kids stayed home with me on Sunday because they are all sick! RSV!

Zach came home around noon, we had lunch and did our Sunday afternoon, nap and quiet time.

I was planning to go down to sacrament meeting with the other ward. I was giving the kids a snack and getting ready to go and I asked Zach what he would like for dinner. He replies, "chicken cordon blue casserole sounds good". I said "ooh, that does sound good. I'm going down to sacrament meeting so you're gonna have to fix it". He then says, "I take that back, the pizza in the freezer sounds great!"

We ended up having pizza for dinner and my man is a great cook! Thanks for dinner Babe!

I really do love being married! :)

what is your focus?

"Marriage is beautiful when beauty is looked for and cultivated. It can be ugly and uncomfortable when one is looking for faults and is blinded to virtue." -President Hinckley

If you focus on certain characteristics in your spouse, you will see them more, good or bad.

Look for the good today! Focus on all the wonderful things your spouse is and does. Tell them what you notice. Also, write it down! Begin a gratitude journal if you don't have one already!

gotta love some good counsel

If you'd like some light reading, here is a talk or multiple talks you might remember. They come from the Worldwide Leadership Conference. This is one that every adult was asked to attend.

Sweet success!

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."  This is from The Family, A Proclamation to the World

The apple for the day is to pick one of these areas to work on.  Think about how you can improve in this area and focus on it all of this next week.  

faith-in Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and in the Holy Ghost.  Each other.

prayer-personal and family prayer (companion prayer)

forgiveness-has something been bothering you?  work it out and let it go.

respect-are you being nice?

love-show it

compassion-ask yourself what your spouse might truly need from you.

work-is there a project you could work on together?

wholesome recreational activities-start a new tradition.  

Well, if these things are what successful marriages are based on...that is pretty sweet to have specifics to focus on!  What ides do you have?

"An apple a day"

In Sunday school our lesson was on Noah building the ark and the tower of babel. Toward the end our teacher asked us to consider what "arks" or places of security do we have in our lives. Are we building an ark or are we building the tower of babel? WE ARE BUILDING SOMETHING! What are the things we can build that can be a protection against the storms that will surely come?

Home, family relationships, testimony, Temples, church attendance and MARRIAGE! I loved the visual I had in my mind of building my marriage, making a blue print, deciding what we wanted to work for and then build it! Our marriages need to be that strong!

The key point I got from this analogy was that Noah didn't wait until it started to rain to begin building the ark! In our lives we will be challenged, we have to make sure our marriage can withstand the storms! We can't wait to start building either!

Have you ever written a mission statement? What about writing a mission statement for your marriage? What the things you would like to accomplish together? Today start a rough draft.

Healthy indeed

Wednesday morning I was planning to run after I nursed our baby. I planned on the baby being my alarm clock. Naturally, he slept in!

Zach had to be to work so I didn't get to go.

That afternoon Zach came home from work early so I could get my run in before it got dark.

I had a fabulous run! On my way home I was thinking about how most moms, like myself have a hard time doing things for themselves. We don't want to be a burden or selfish.

I came home feeling refreshed and happy. Zach was glad I was able to go and really I loved him more for supporting me.

I concluded that unselfishly supporting each other in our interests is absolutely healthy for a marriage.

The apple for today is this: think about what interest or hobby is refreshing for you and your spouse. Ask them to help you to do this thing more often. AND ask them how you can support them in their interest as well.

Marriage triangle

I was reminded of this concept recently during Stake conference.

Our marriage relationships involve (or at least, should involve) 3 people. Our Heavenly Father, us and our spouse. On the triangle, each of us represents a point. Husband and wife on the bottom and Heavenly Father on the top. The closer we grow individually to God, we will grow closer together as well.

Heavenly Father

Husband Wife

What can you do today to draw closer to Heavenly Father?

small = great!

Do you ever wonder if any of your good deeds are doing any good?

Just remember this that "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass"! Those seemingly little things will make a big difference in the long run!

Today, simply ask your spouse if there is anything you can do for them today or this week.

"An apple a day"

What is that something around the house they seem to always beat you to cleaning/fixing or doing? Beat them to it today. Clean the toilet, wash the dishes, make the bed.

"An apple a day"

Pray for your marriage.

good talk

I enjoy reading a talk on marriage with Zach each week. Here is the talk we'll read either Sunday or Monday.

don't forget....

to write your love a sincere sweet note. everyone likes to hear how special they are!

Happy Valentines Day!

"An apple a day"

Give them an invitation today for a Valentines breakfast. Plan to make their favorite breakfast tomorrow. Serve it in bed or at the table. Make it special.

Happy Valentines Day!

No plans?

Plan a Valentines party. Invite some friends over, have treats, play games. End early so you have some quality time your spouse. All your friends have plans? Invite an older couple over for some fun!

Gift idea

Put together a valentine survival kit! What are some things they are always running out of? chap stick, gum, gel? How about something they have said that they need? If they are going through a stressful time, put in some cut out comics from the newspaper.

I did this for Zach when we were dating. He had been saying he wanted to learn how the play the piano. So I bought sheet music for me to teach him to play. I also always ate his kraft singles and gum so I gave him more. This can be a fun gift.

"An apple a day"

Mail them a Valentine card. Cut out a heart out of paper, color it and write a cute note.

Sign it from "Your Secret Valentine"

"An apple a day"

Four days til' Valentines! Send your spouse on a love hunt. The clues send them throughout the house (or around town if you're ambitious) On each clue, put something you love about them. (You can always make them do things for their next clue too.) You can do this hunt each day until Valentines and have the treasure be something super sweet...like you! Love it!

"An apple a day"

Take some time to put some important things on your calendar. What are those things that you want to do this month? Date night? Temple night? Game night?... Talk about it, get them on the calendar, figure out who finds the baby sitter and getter done!

"An apple a day"

Remember affection today. Gosh, when Zach and I were dating we were looking for any reason to touch each other! Find a reason, make a reason. Be affectionate today.

this is a good one...

Here is a good talk by Marion D. Hanks. Lots of good counsel. Hope you take the time to read it.

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=536405481ae6b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

"An apple a day"

Take a minute and think about the things your spouse has asked you to do lately...do it!

"An apple a day"

Tidy up your bedroom and light a candle to make it smell nicer. (not to say it doesn't smell nice, maybe just different from the norm?)

The impossible?

I don't know sometimes I hear sad stories about marriages gone wrong and it can be discouraging.

Well, I was thinking about this the other day and my thoughts turned to Nephi.

He was given an "impossible" task too, from the Lord. Our task to "cleave to husbands/wifes" is a commandment from the Lord.

In 1 Nephi chapter 3 it tells his story of being commanded to return to Jerusalem to get the brass plates. Well, his "brothers murmur[ed], saying it is a hard thing which [has been] required of them". Nephi's classic response should also be ours in regards to marriage: "I ^awill go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no ^bcommandments unto the children of men, save he shall ^cprepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

I was encouraged with this thought because THE LORD WILL PREPARE A WAY FOR US TO ACCOMPLISH THE THINGS HE COMMANDS US TO DO!

Marriage might be hard sometimes but, like Nephi "thou shalt be favored of the Lord, because thou hast ^anot ^bmurmured." Having a happy marriage is what the Lord wants for us. He will help us to do it!

"An apple a day"

Beat the kids to the door when your spouse gets home today. Give them a huge hug and tell them you are glad they are home!

"An apple a day"

Write them an appreciation note. Think about what you are grateful for all day and then write the note.

I'm pretty sure....

My husband won some major points today!

I went to my mom's so she could help me with some sewing and I came home to a clean house! Okay, not just a clean house but he had done the dishes, put away the dishes and even did some laundry! He also tidied up all the bedrooms too! After I thought about how lucky I am and got the kids into bed, I walked into the living room to find this on the floor!

Zach,

You are seriously the best

I'm pretty sure you are Super Man!

With love,

The Luckiest!

"An apple a day"

make their favorite meal for dinner, tonight or tomorrow. :)

"fireproof your marriage"

http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/index2.php

If you haven't heard of this movie, watch the trailer. It is a pretty good show. (cheesy, but good)

I totally liked the message behind it. I thought the love dare was along the same lines of an apple a day. I think it is right on. We need to be more focused on our marriages everyday.

well, watch the trailer if you want. there is also a website you could check out too. http://www.fireproofmymarriage.com/index.php

"An apple a day"

While you are both still in bed in the morning roll over and give your spouse a good morning kiss....a nice one.