How's your love bank looking right now?

have you noticed that you get easily irritated with your spouse?  or are date nights a thing of the past?  do you do nice things for them just to do it?  when was the last time you consciously spoke their love language?  do you laugh together?  do you enjoy their company?

if you are reading this on a bad day, i'm not writing this so you will think your marriage is doomed.  seriously.

there are times in every marriage when the love bank account gets low.  it happens for many, many reasons and we honestly, most of the time, don't mean for it to happen!  it just does.  it does because we let something or someone come before our marriage.  again, not intentional.

so, lets get intentional.  it's a new year.  it's a great time to assess honestly where we are and where we want to be down the road.  and really, there is no better time than now.

why do we want to make deposits in our spouses love bank accounts?  well, if we aren't making deposits, then when withdrawals happen, the easily frustrated happens, the snappy comments happen, the lack of desire for quality time happens and then it gets worse...

whatever your love bank account statement says, just make note.  if you are in the positive and still making deposits, keep depositing.  if you are in the negative, then make some deposits and build your account back up.

one thing that is super great to remember is that you are responsible for YOU.  you can't change anyone else's attitude or actions.  you can only control your own.  you can set a good example though.

what are some deposits we can all make in our love banks?

*say something nice to them (and be sincere)
*do something nice for them (and be sincere)
*talk nice to them all day (and be sincere) :)
*leave a note with words to your favorite love song or poem.
*ask them what they have going on that day and then later that day, text them and say you're thinking about them and you hope whatever they had went well or wish them good luck.
*pray for your spouse.
*pray together.
*when they are talking, listen to them by looking at their face and not your phone.
*touch them when you walk by.
*watch them and look for the good.
*start writing down what you're grateful for in them. (could be a great Valentines gift if you started soon)
*if you've been slacking at helping around the house, join in and be a team. turn on some music and enjoy yourselves.
*read about something that interests your spouse and shock them when YOU bring it up.
*ask them out on a date

remember, these are all like apples.  consider an apple a day, a good deed a day,  a deposit a day. whatever you want to call it.  abundant blessings await for being intentional in your marriage!

i've enjoyed writing this list.  while you read this list, what things came to your mind that would be like deposits in your spouses love bank?

it's good to be blogging again.
i love being married.
Becca

Do it!

So, did you watch Conference?!  I LOVE, love, LOVE Conference!  I will most definitely be watching and reading it over and over again.

There were some wonderful talks and some that I felt were just for me.  During those talks it seemed like that's when my kids were extra vocal..."did they say prayer?!, no they said "dare"...yeah, they said prayer....sweet!, BINGO!".  Oh I don't know, it was just hard to listen.

Even still, I did feel the Spirit and I did feel a renewed motivation to be better.  The talk by Elder Maynes I think, said,  "we can't get our bodies in physical shape by watching sports on T.V., we also can't gain a testimony by watching General Conference on T.V."

So, it's time to decide what I will DO and DO IT!

It was kind of funny to get on Facebook and Instagram after conference and see how quickly some quotes were made into cuteness and circulating.  Awesome too, though.  There was one quote that was super catchy that I liked along with everyone else.

"Doubt your doubts before you doubt your Faith" -President Uchtdorf

This can be angled to anything or anyone you have faith in, Jesus Christ or other people too.  Like your spouse.

Have you ever doubted your spouse?

Doubt your doubts and give them the benefit!  Believe they are truly trying and they are doing the best they can.  Encourage them.  Love them.  Try to understand.  Try to help.  Be kind.  Remember who instills doubt.  Satan does not want us to give our spouse the benefit of the doubt.  He wants us to get mad, stay mad and thereby fuel the fire and never let it go.  Dumb.  Lame.  Remember the source of the negative.  Cast those thoughts out!  Insert every good intention you can think of.  Build your spouse up in your mind and to their face.  With so much, negative, be a builder.  Be a lover.  Be a friend- one who always looks for the good.

Here are some specific apples I'm going to be doing this week.

* mailing a note to his office....an encouraging, nice one.

* shaving my legs and doing my hair (in the same day! ha ha)

* then texting him and telling him what I did and that I can't wait for him to come home.

* then having dinner ready when he gets there. (boy, all in one day! I better ship off the kids! :))

* arrange a sitter for Temple night

* not saying one negative thing.  (i've been kind of a whiner lately.  it's hunting season. :))

* share funny things.  even if it has been a crazy day, take a deep breath, kiss him good and enjoy the time he's home.

What apples are you going to do this week?  Did you have a favorite talk from Conference?  What stuck out to you?  Have a great week!!!

in a rut?

Do you see that large belly I'm sporting?  (3 more weeks-ish!)  Oh gee, I'm getting huge and it seems with that, for me, comes feeling overwhelmed.  I get frustrated because I can't do or be everything.

So, a rut is a good way to describe the current predicament.  (not to say I am not completely excited for this lil' babe to arrive because that would be way off!)

For Zach and I, there have been different times when we have felt in a rut in our marriage.  There is a wide variety of reasons.  Honestly, the reasons don't matter.  No one likes to be in a rut.  Besides, if we focus on the reasons why we're in a rut, I think it's harder to get out.  We should focus on what can build us back up.

So, here are some apples I've come up with:

* Focus on the good that both of you are doing.  Recognize it (be specific) out loud or write it down.

* Do something random.  Our random the other night was playing Monopoly.  Long game, super fun!  I'd recommend setting a timer or time limit! :) (we played til after midnight and I was so exhausted of course I went bankrupt!)

* Think about what you haven't been doing.  (kissing on the lips at night before sleep, praying on your knees, how long has it been since you've been out on a date?, have you asked him/her how you can help them out?, what is your "welcome home" ritual like these days?)  What can you add back in?

* Put a note under their dinner plate, in their shoes, dry erase marker on the mirror, or on the steering wheel that tells them how they rock your world.  (this sort of thing is easier if you've been doing the first apple.)

* Bring a small token gift home or make one.  I think a lot about food lately, so pick em' up a treat or make one.  Be sure to tell them you were thinking of them.

What sorts of things help you when you're in a rut?  Here's hoping this week is a lovely one for you!

Faith precedes the Miracle

"Faith is a principle of ACTION." We show we have faith in something by the way that we act. We show we have faith in our marriage, our spouse and ourselves, all by the way we act.

Richard C. Edgley in THIS talk said:

"I say, choose faith. Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism.
Yes, faith is a choice, and it must be sought after and developed. Thus, we are responsible for our own faith. We are also responsible for our lack of faith. The choice is yours."

There comes a time in every life that we have to choose to have faith in someone. Since this is a marriage blog I'll apply it that way.
We show our faith in our spouse by the things we say and do. We show our faith in our marriage by the things we say and do. We are responsible for these choices.

I was thinking about this the other day and the phrase, "faith precedes the miracle" came to my mind. Sometimes after a hard period in marriage the love you feel for each other and depths it reaches is really nothing short of a miracle. And in Ether it says, "dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."

So instead of complaining about all the things we don't see, lets act on our faith in ourselves, our spouses and our marriages. Show that faith. Show what you hope for, by what you choose to do. Love is a choice. Faith is a choice.

Where love is.

"where love is, there God is also. Where love is, we want to be" (Primary Songbook)
Isn't that so true?!

This is a great quote from a great talk by Marvin J. Ashton.

"A friend of mine recently shared what he considered to be a choice learning experience. It was provided by his young son. Upon returning home from his day’s work, this father greeted his boy with a pat on the head and said, “Son, I want you to know I love you.”

The son responded with, “Oh Dad, I don’t want you to love me, I want you to play football with me.” Here was a boy conveying a much-needed message.

The world is filled with too many of us who are inclined to indicate our love with an announcement or declaration.

True love is a process. True love requires personal action."

How do you put your love into action?

The apple for the day is: Show your love for your spouse by remembering something they have going on and asking them about it. OR doing a favor they have asked you to do. (it's alright to point out that you did it, if you want to) Remember the Love Bank?

Have a great Monday!

a little extra...

You know those times your spouse is rubbing your feet, your back or whatever and you wish they would do it forever?

The apple for the day is: do what your spouse loves and just when you are getting tired of doing it but they are enjoying themselves...keep going for a little bit longer. You can do it. :)

you know what?

I realize that guys read this blog too. I do. (so here's a snake picture for your amusement. :)) I also realize that I write this blog from a wifely perspective. -a stay at home one at that.

I hope that no matter who you are and what your situation is that you will take some of these ideas and make them your own. Find ways to enjoy your spouse more. Even if you stop, peak into a room and admire them without them knowing. Don't think about what they did wrong that day, but think about their heart. -their good intentions and how grateful you are to have them to come home to. I decided gratitude can always make me feel better.

I often post about leaving notes for your spouse because that is what Zach really likes. He is a words of affirmation person. Do you know how much he likes it that I leave him notes?

I send notes in his lunch usually and the other day he sent me a text at 9:30 in the morning and said, "I can't tell you how much your little notes mean to me. especially on a day like today! thanks sweetheart. i love you."

I thought it was funny that it wasn't time for lunch but he had already read his note. :) In the world we live in where there is pressure to do and be everything, we really need the encouragement of the ones we love most. I share that because even knowing that he is a words of affirmation person, I hadn't realized how much they have meant to him. I am sure the same thing is true for you and the things you do for your spouse. Keep it up!

some questions are worth answering...

What matters most? You might remember THIS video.

We know what President Monson believes matters most. Have we decided? Take some time to think about it. What is most important to you?

In THIS talk by President Uchtdorf he talks about slowing down and focusing on what is most important....especially if we are experiencing "turbulence" in our lives.

What is turbulence to you? a new baby, a new job, taxes, lost job, lost baby, financial difficulties, family troubles?

If you are...(and we all do at times, it is part of being mortal), then...

"Therefore, it is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions."

“We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.”

The holy scriptures and the spoken word of the living prophets give emphasis to the fundamental principles and doctrines of the gospel.

As we turn to our Heavenly Father and seek His wisdom regarding the things that matter most, we learn over and over again the importance of four key relationships: with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves. As we evaluate our own lives with a willing mind, we will see where we have drifted from the more excellent way. The eyes of our understanding will be opened, and we will recognize what needs to be done to purify our heart and refocus our life.

Brothers and sisters, indeed we have great reason to rejoice. If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most.

Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most."

It is Sunday...maybe you are reading this on Wednesday. There is no better time to refocus than now. We can all use a good refocusing...:) I have never forgotten when Sister Beck referred to "one of those private meetings between her and the Lord". That statement changed my perspective on the relationship I had and the relationship I could have with the Lord. We are His children and He would love to counsel us on the choices we are making in our lives.

Have a good week! :)

Advice from JFK :)

"Don't ask what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country!"

How about we change a few words and apply them to marriage. :)

"Don't ask what your spouse can do for you, but ask what you can do for your spouse!"

Love it, love it!!! Thanks John! :)

AND, enjoy your apple! Don't just read this and smile. Really, ask yourself!

"Actions Speak LOUDER than words"

So this one is for the guys - at least that is my intent, but I know that just because I mentioned that, it may well be the topic of conversation from every female that reads this.......to their husband some time over the next 24 hours and.....For that - I'm sorry I just can't apologize guys, hunting season or not.

My "apple for the day" isn't just to do something that will be, or is nice for your wife, it is more. I must first give the credit and the inspiration behind this post to a great friend of ours.

It is along the lines of treating our wives like a princess or even better, like a Daughter of God, because that is who she really is!

Now, don't just read that last sentence and move on to this one - think about it for more than a second. Seriously!!! A Daughter of God - how would you treat her? How does God treat her? Do you think He would want you (and me for that matter) to treat her any different? Whoa - I think that brings a whole new level to what we say and do everyday to our wives.

Is anything we do in a day really that important if we aren't treating our wives the way God would want them to be treated? What is anything in this life worth if our wife isn't by our side or even worse, doesn't want to be? All because of how we treat them.......something to think about.

I know that when I thought of this, I was in for it for 2 reasons - #1 Because I can do WAY better and will now be required to....and #2 because every woman after reading this post will now EXPECT it. So, here is THE "Apple for the day" or maybe even year for that matter.

Treat your wife like a true daughter of God tomorrow or like a Princess, but do it in actions - for they truly do speak louder than words. You know your wife best (or at least you should) - think of the things you can do today and if you need to make a list, but truly make her feel the way she should tomorrow. It probably doesn't even need to be that long - just take some time and think for a few minutes about it.

I know we are all busy, but is that an excuse? I am sure that if you do it, you will not only notice how much she loves it, but that you will be the one who benefits the most because you will have done something that has been needed for a long time. Let me know how it goes and how you feel after you do this "Apple for the day."

survival

There are SO MANY talks to choose from for a Sunday post! My goodness! I love it!

With all the hype that has been spurred by President Packer's talk I have done a lot of thinking about where I stand. Without a doubt, I stand with the Prophets!!! I don't care who disagrees and what their arguments are, I will always follow the Prophet. Two talks were given that mentioned THIS TALK by President Benson, titled "Fourteen Fundamentals in Following the Prophet"

These quotes are from THIS TALK by Elder Duncan, who also mentioned the 14 Fundamentals.

"This world is full of so many self-help books, so many self-proclaimed experts, so many theorists, educators, and philosophers who have advice and counsel to give on any and all subjects. With technology today, information on a myriad of subjects is available with the click of a keystroke. It is easy to get caught in the trap of looking to the “arm of flesh”⁵ for advice on everything from how to raise children to how to find happiness. While some information has merit, as members of the Church we have access to the source of pure truth, even God Himself. We would do well to search out answers to our problems and questions by investigating what the Lord has revealed through His prophets. With that same technology today, we have at our fingertips access to the words of the prophets on nearly any subject. What has God taught us about marriage and the family through His prophets? What has He taught us about education and provident living through His prophets? What has He taught us about personal happiness and fulfillment through His prophets?...."

"May we have the wisdom to trust in and follow the counsel of the living prophets and apostles. I am a witness of their goodness. I testify that they are called of God. I also testify that there is no safer way to approach life, find answers to our problems, gain peace and happiness in this world, and protect our very salvation than by obeying their words..."

What does following the Prophet have to do with marriage? In my opinion, everything. It is invaluable to me that Zach and I share the same beliefs. I am so grateful that we are both dedicated to living the gospel of Jesus Christ.

It is so important that we talk about where we stand on issues. As a couple, as families, we are under the obligation to defend and represent what we know. We can make a huge difference if we understand the issues and the doctrine.

I bring this up because NOW is the time to decide. NOW is the time to ask ourselves where we stand and work to strengthen our faith so when we are asked who we stand with, we will know. :)

I know, I know!

I know it's Monday. Sometimes Mondays are just crazy because we are trying to catch up from the weekend....and then some.

The Apple for the day is:

How about having some fun being a flirt with your spouse. Send them cute texts, when they come home give them an extra long kiss and a slap on the bum. :)

Okay, I'm not going to spell it out for you! Act like your are dating again & just have fun!

Someday...

Ever said that word? Someday?

No, lets be like President Kimball and adopt the Nike slogan and "Just do it"!

What have you been meaning to do for your spouse? For your kids? For yourself?

Just do it!